Me and The Boys

Mission NOT Accomplished - Yet

You know you're having a tough race when you find yourself wishing that your hands would get itchy (signaling an attack of exercise-induced anaphylaxis) so you'd have an excuse to drop out.

I'm not exaggerating when I say that thought crossed my mind yesterday, at about mile 1.5 of the 5K I was running - that's how bad it was.

There were two 5Ks this weekend - one on Saturday and one on Sunday - and I hemmed and hawed about which one to run. My friends were all running the Sunday one, which made it very appealing, but I knew the weather Saturday was supposed to be coooler. But I had run on Thursday night and had a tough workout on Friday, so I thought a day of rest Saturday would put me in better shape to run hard on Sunday.

So I waited. And I wish I hadn't.

I was out to PR at this race. My goal was to beat my current PR of 20:51. I didn't have a firm goal in mind for how much I wanted to take off that time, but I thought I could at least get a few seconds below 20:50. I've only done a few track workouts since Boston, but they've gone really well, and I've been running some really fast paces, so I thought I had it in me to shave a few seconds off my time.

And as I warmed up, initially, I thought for sure it was going to be my day. My legs felt fresh and ready to run, and it was warm, but it didn't feel too bad. At first.

Then it started to feel hotter. And hotter.

I need to explain, too, that it wasn't sweltering, mid-summer heat and humidity. It was just below 80 degrees - which, as far as summer running goes, isn't even all that hot. And we've had a few days this spring that were even hotter than that. But on those days, I ran early in the morning, when it was still nice and cool. So to my body, which has had no time whatsoever to acclimate to warm-weather running, temps in the high 70s felt more like temps in the high 80s.

By the time I finished warming up, I was drenched in sweat, already feeling tired, and the doubt was beginning to creep in. I tried not to let it get the best of me, and summoned as much confidence as I could while making my way over to the start.

The first mile starts on a downhill, and I tried to not go out too fast, but didn't want to hold back too much, either - when you're going for a PR, you can't be too conservative at the start. But as soon as we had run a quarter of a mile, I honestly was already struggling. I was running the pace I wanted to run, but I didn't feel like there was any way I could ever maintain it for the entire race.

We hit the one-mile marker, and all I could think was "Oh my god, we've only run ONE MILE????!!!!"  6:46

Mile 2 has the slightest uphill grade, but this day, it felt like Mt. Everest. It hurt. Everything hurt. Everything was awful. Everything was wrong. I wanted nothing more than to stop and walk. This is when I was wishing for the itchy hands. 6:52

The last mile of a 5K always hurts, and always feels way longer than just a mile. But this one was spectacularly bad. I was feeling lightheaded, and exhausted, and miserable. My mind wanted my legs to move faster, but they just were not cooperating. 7:05. Ugh.

Scott and the boys had come to the race, which was really awesome, since they aren't often able to be there. And he had told me they'd be right around the corner from the finish, which I knew would be a welcome sight. And it was. Seeing them all jumping up and down and screaming gave me just enough energy to smile and wave.

And I did manage to get back down to a 6:42 pace for the homestretch, and crossed in 21:39. A far cry from 20:51, and even farther from what I had hoped to run.

At that moment, though, I was so incredibly glad to not be running anymore, I really didn't care much. I spent a few minutes with the boys - while I was holding Carmine, he kept touching my neck and saying "Mommy, you're all wet" - and after they left, I joined my friends for a 3-mile cooldown.

Even though it wasn't the time I had hoped to run, it was good enough for 2nd place in my age group, and some other friends had won awards, too - including my super-speedy friend, who was the first-place female! And instead of a medal, I won a beach chair - perfect for this beach-loving family!

So the post-race fun made it worth it, and the race was for a very good cause, but it was definitely not my day.

I'm mad that I didn't run faster. I should have been able to run faster. I wish I had run faster. But I didn't. I'm certain the heat had a lot to do with it, but whatever the reason, it didn't happen, and I was feeling pretty disappointed about that earlier today.

I even found myself wondering if maybe I'm aiming too high. Maybe sub-20 isn't an attainable goal for me. Maybe I won't even get under 21 minutes again. Maybe I shouldn't even bother with 5Ks for a little while, especially since it's only going to get hotter.

Between this bad experience, and the tough time I had at the Cox Half-marathon last month, my confidence has taken a bit of a hit, and I was having a hard time with that earlier today.

But that didn't last long, and this afternoon I was doing some poking around on various websites, seeing if there might be a 5K anytime soon where I could redeem myself and run the race I feel I should have been able to run on Sunday.

I'm not sure if I'll do one anytime soon. The reality of the approaching ever-warmer temperatures is definitely a factor, and I may very well wait until the fall to go after this particular PR again. Or I may try sooner.

Either way, I'll be back at the track next week, and every week after that, so that when I do tackle my next 3.1, I'll be ready for it.

And I'll be ready for the races I'm doing in between, too. As I pushed through all that pain and unpleasantness Sunday, I found myself thinking "Why can't I be one of those people who just does this for fun?"  

And the reason is simple - that's not who I am. I think it's fabulous if that is who you are, and you love going out and running a race simply for the pleasure of running it. On days like Sunday, I truly do envy you. But for me, that's not enough, and it never will be.

So I'll continue to work hard and keep trying. And I may have several more failures before I get where I want to be, and I'll learn and take something away from each and every one of them.

One of the toughest things about a 5K - besides the obvious physical pain - is that, unlike the half or full marathon, you don't have a large chunk of time to sort out and turn around your emotions. In a longer race, you have plenty of time to work through the negativity, and once you do that, you can use the remainder of your time to build yourself back up and get your head in a good spot, where you're thinking positive and feeling confident and motivated to get it done.

But a 5K is such a short race, you really don't have the opportunity to do that. If you start out feeling doubtful and unsure, those thoughts quickly spiral out of control, especially as they're compounded by how physically uncomfortable your body is. And by the time you get a handle on them and think you might have a little bit of optimism left in you, you're practically at the finish line.

That's what I took away from this race. Letting that doubt in early on doomed me. I could never fully push it away, and it took over. I know that wasn't the only reason I didn't hit my goal, but it certainly didn't help. And it certainly contributed to making it such an enormously unpleasant experience.

So in addition to training my legs at the track, I'm going to be training my mind to go into my next race feeling strong and confident and ready. I know I'll never edge out the negative thoughts entirely, but I have to learn how to get the upper hand. I've gotten really good at doing it at longer distances; now I need to learn how to do it for the shorter ones.

Not my best race, but not my worst race. And still a good day overall, thanks to sharing it with family and friends.

21:39; 6:53 pace

2nd place age-group award

10th female overall

37th of 365 overall

Onward and upward....

It Always Comes Back To Running

The unofficial start of summer has come and gone, and it brought weather that made it seem more like Columbus Day weekend.

There were a few days last week and this weekend where I was tempted to turn the heat on - but tomorrow it'll be up near 90 degrees (with high humidity), and we'll almost definitely be putting on the A/C.  Never a dull moment here in New England when it comes to weather.

With those temps forecast for later in the week, and rain forecast for this morning, I knew Tuesday would be the best day to get in my track workout, even though I really didn't feel like it. I went for my first bike ride of the season Monday (finally!!!), and enjoyed a lovely 22-mile ride.

But I was a little concerned that, even though my legs didn't feel really sore from the ride, they might not feel too peppy when I hit the track. And they did feel a bit sluggish during my 2-mile warmup.

My goal was 3 x 1600 at approximately a 6:30 pace, but as I was warming up, I honestly didn't know how I was going to be able to run anything other than the easy, slow 8:40ish pace I was currently running. And I toyed with the idea of just continuing right past the track, running a few more easy miles, and calling it a day.

But as quickly as that idea came into my head, I knew it wasn't going to happen, because I'd never forgive myself for backing out of a workout just because I didn't 'feel like' doing it.

So I hit the start button on my Garmin, and off I went. 1600s are easier than shorter repeats in that you aren't running quite as fast, but since you've got 4 laps to complete, it's much harder to pace yourself correctly, and I started way too fast, with the first lap at just over a 6-minute pace. I slowed a bit for the remaining 3, and finished my first mile in 6:36, and surprisingly, felt pretty good.

As I ran my recovery, I was marveling at the fact that a few minutes earlier I didn't think I could possibly run any faster than an 8:40 mile, and here I had just run a 6:36 and felt ok. It's amazing what the body can do when you just give it a little push.

My next two repeats, I was able to pace myself much better, starting a bit slower and speeding up for each successive lap, and running those two miles in 6:30 and 6:26.

Now I was tired. The final lap of that third 1600 was tough. But I wasn't completely spent. And I wanted more of that feeling of victory. So I set out for one more mile.

Four more laps around, pushing the pace a bit with every single one, wrapping up the mile in 6:21. My fastest mile ever. NOW, I was done. And I was happy.

One of the reasons I'm back at the track again is my goal to run a sub-20 5K sometime this year, and after that workout, I feel more than ever like that goal is within reach. But I know it's going to take more work to get there - more track workouts, and more convincing myself that I can do things I didn't think I could ever do. That's ok, though, because that's all part of the journey.

My running journey is going to take some new twists and turns this summer, too. I had planned on running the second leg of the Triple Crown series in Jamestown in July, but I found out last week that there was an RRCA Coaching Certification course being offered that same weekend in Salem, MA. I've been on the RRCA email list for almost a year now, and have been anxiously waiting for a course to be offered in my area, and I've seen how quickly they usually sell out, so as soon as I saw this one, I jumped on it. I was registered within the hour.

I have a lot of knowledge about running, but it's all based mostly on my own experiences - which definitely counts for something, because I do have a lot of experience to draw from - but I'm excited to back that up with an official certification based on specialized instruction.

And I'm also excited to spend an entire weekend doing nothing but talking and learning about running. Bliss.

I have to admit, too, that the thought of a weekend away is pretty appealing. I don't get a lot of those, and as much as I adore my three insane funny little boys, a couple days by myself does wonders to recharge my batteries.

 

 

We had some family fun over this holiday weekend, though, complete with parties with both sides of the extended family. It always makes me so happy to see the cousins playing together.

And we went to our local parade Monday morning, which, as parades go, is pretty low-key - mostly fire trucks, boy scouts, and a few bands. I was taken aback a little when a float went by playing "Sweet Caroline," and I started crying. It's funny, the things that bring the memories and emotions of that day flooding back so suddenly. It's never far from my mind, but certain sights, and particularly sounds - that song, or the sound of sirens - push it to the forefront very vividly.

It's so great, though, to see how much joy such simple things bring to the kids. Gabe and Dante still get a huge kick out of the parade, for sure, but their joy paled in comparison to Carmine's - he was practically jumping out of his skin, he was so excited. Watching your kids enjoy stuff like that is by far one of the best parts of being a parent.

 

The humor is one of the other best parts. I saw Dante peering in the mirror with his mouth open the other night, and as I walked by, he asked me "Mom, which one is my sweet tooth?" It took all my willpower to not laugh out loud. I can't wait to tell him about that one when he's older.

Carmine, who has always had a thing for any moving vehicle of any sort, is now completely and utterly obsessed with lawnmowers - or, as he calls them, lawnmo-momers. He especially loves the riding mower Scott uses - the "seat lawnmo-momer."  I've assured him that once he's old enough, he'll have plenty of chances to use the seat lawnmo-momer.

He's not quite there yet, but he has mastered the art of pedaling, and whenever he has the chance, is happily riding his bike around and around and around the driveway. Not quite ready for the bike path, but maybe next year.....

As for Gabe - he's getting so big, and although he still mostly acts like a little kid, I see these glimmers of maturity. I love it when it happens - even though it's usually very short-lived - but it also astonishes me.

I can't fathom that my crazy little guy is slowly becoming a real, honest-to-goodness big kid, who will shortly thereafter become a teenager. He's almost as tall as me already!

His soccer season is winding down, and he only has a couple games left, and sadly, his team has not won a single game yet. I'm hopeful that they'll win at least one, but the odds seem stacked against them. It is not for lack of trying, though. They play their hearts out every single week, and it breaks my heart to see them keep losing. Luckily, though, they're still young enough that they move past the losses quickly and resume regular young boy goofing off after the game.

I just keep telling him that, as good as it feels to win, what's most important is going out and having fun and giving it your all.

Fortunately, I can relate my own race experiences - sometimes I do win an age-group award, but usually I don't. But I tell him what I'd tell anyone else, and what I tell myself - knowing I did my best and put in my best effort is truly enough.

I do secretly hope one of them discovers a love of running at some point, but even if they don't, I know that I'll always be able to relate to their athletic pursuits on some level, which makes me happy.

And the lessons I've learned through running have translated to so many other areas of my life, and I know they'll translate into other pieces of wisdom I can pass along to the boys.

You discover so much about yourself through running - it really strips you down to the essence of what you truly are - there's no hiding behind anything when you run. What you do out on the road is who you are, and it's fascinating to see that revealed.

I've also learned that almost everything in my life can somehow relate back to running. I had an abnormality show up on a routine mammogram a few weeks ago, and had to go for a followup MRI - thankfully, the MRI showed nothing of any concern, so all is well : )

The MRI was not the worst medical procedure I've had to go through, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. And as I was laying there, doing everything in my power to remain completely still, the tech came over the headphones I was wearing and told me that the next scan would be the longest - 4 minutes.

As I heard that, I immediately thought - "Four minutes - that's about half a mile. That's not long at all. I can handle that." 

It always comes back to running, and more specifically, to the strength and courage it's brought me.

It defines me, it makes me happy, it makes me healthy, and it makes me feel stronger than I ever knew I was.

It always comes back to running - for good reason.

A Few Of My Favorite (Running) Things

Let me start by saying that I have never been in any way compensated by any of these brands, nor have I received their products for the purpose of reviewing them.  They're just things I've come across that have worked really well for me, and I thought I'd share, as I know how much we runners love our gear, and I've always thought the best way to find gear that works is to talk to people who have actually used it!

First up - alternatives to the (for me) dreaded Fuel Belt. I tried a Fuel Belt when I was training for my first marathon, and I hated it. It felt too tight, yet even though it felt tight, it still slid around and rode up and just wouldn't stay put. I also didn't find it very easy to get the bottles in and out when I needed a drink, and the bottles also seemed to leak quite a bit. Overall not a success story. I know lots of people use them and love them, but it didn't work for me.

So I switched to a handheld. For a few years, I've been using a 20 oz. Amphipod handheld, and it's served me very well. On really long runs I do have to stop and refill it, but it's easy enough to stash a few dollars (also room for a key or a couple gels) in the pocket on the strap so that I can duck into a convenience store for a bottle of water (or Gatorade).

I've never found it to be uncomfortable to carry - it fits very nicely in my hand, and is adjustable, which allows me to make it bigger to accomodate the thick gloves I have to wear on some of my winter runs! It is somewhat heavy feeling when it's full and you first start out, but once you get a mile or two into your run, you adjust to that feeling, and I've never felt like it's throwing my stride off or affecting my form in any way.

 

 

As happy as I've been with the Amphipod, I recently picked up a Nathan Quickdraw Plus at a race expo - the option to carry my phone right along with my water sounds pretty good, and I'm definitely going to try this out on my long runs this summer. I wonder if the added weight from the phone is going to be a drawback, but I'm willing to give it a try.

Which is a good segue into different ways to carry your phone on a run. I used to carry my phone only occasionally (on really long runs, or if I was out very early in the morning), but since being diagnosed with exercise-induced anaphylaxis, I carry it EVERY time I run. And in addition to bringing my phone, I also need to carry an epi-pen whenever I run, too.

I'm not thrilled about having to carry either of these items - I would much rather 'travel light,' and bring next to nothing when I set out for a run - but it's a medical necessity, and there have been several times where I've had to make use of both items, so there's no getting around it.

 

 

This reality led me to a search for the best armband out there, and as far as I'm concerned, the Armpocket is it. It's the most water-resistant armband I've ever seen (that was a big requirement, since I can't just leave my phone at home if it's raining). It's extremely comfortable - has a nice layer of padding that makes it really sit nicely on your arm without feeling like it's digging in to your skin. And the velcro that holds the strap on is very strong, and doesn't need constant adusting. Other armbands I've tried seem to loosen as I run, and it's a huge pain to have to adjust that when you're literally on the run.

It is kind of big, but I don't really see that as a negative, because it means that you can slide your phone in even with a case on. I use an Otterbox case (with a 3-year-old who's constantly playing with my phone, that's a necessity), and my phone in the case fits in the Armpocket with room to spare.

There are small pockets inside, too, and you can slide in some cash, or an ID, or other small items. I don't usually listen to music when I run anymore, but I do listen while cross-training at the gym, and there is, of course, a spot to thread your headphone cord through for when you need your tunes. And you can operate the phone's touchscreen while it's in the pocket - a definite plus!

 

The Armpocket was working great for my phone, but I was still dealing with the issue of carrying around my enormous epi-pen. There wasn't really anything (besides a FuelBelt or SPI belt)  that it would fit into, and I didn't want to have to carry it in my hand, so I fashioned my own carrier out of an old wrist pocket, and pinned that to the back of my shorts every time I ran. It wasn't elegant, and it wasn't terribly convenient, but it worked, and it was my only option - until I went to the Philadelphia marathon expo and discovered the FlipBelt.

I was still hesitant about having something around my waist, but when I tried it on, I knew I had finally found a belt that wouldn't drive me bonkers.

It was snug, but not tight, and it didn't dig into my waist or slide around - and it could fit my epi-pen, and my phone, and gels, and money, and an ID. So much room to carry things, and so comfortable - it seemed to good to be true.

 

The true test, of course, was running with it, and it passed that test for sure. It didn't ride up, it didn't bounce, and it held everything I needed to carry very comfortably. I did find it better to take my phone out of the case before putting it in (felt a little too heavy with the case on), but that's a minor issue. The FlipBelt is definitely a winner as far as I'm concerned, and I've recommended it to many other runners since getting mine.

The FlipBelt was the perfect solution for the enormous, standard-size epi-pen, but when I saw an ad in a magazine for the new - and much, much smaller - Auvi-Q epi-pen, I called my dr. immediately so I could get one. 

Since it's so small, I've actually been able to fit it into the pocket of some of my shorts, but I do have a few pairs of shorts and running skirts that have no pockets, and I had seen another product that I had wanted to try previously but hadn't, because it wouldn't have fit the larger epi-pen.

The smaller one, though, fit that other product - the RooSport - perfectly. I love this concept, because it eliminates the 'belt' aspect and allows you to basically have an additional large pocket attached to your shorts, by way of a couple of very strong magnets - really ingenious design! 

The pocket is completely secure, and very comfortable to run with. I can barely even tell it's there. It doesn't bounce at all, and I usually wear mine in the back, but it's easy enough to slide it around to the front if I need to. I generally only carry my epi-pen and maybe a gel or two in there, but it's plenty big enough for a phone, also, and a key or any other small items. And they also just came out with a new, larger version, so if you need to carry even more, you'll be covered!

 

I love all these products, and I can't say one is better than the other - they all have distinct advantages, and they all work equally well, and I use each of them at various times. Sometimes I'll put everything in my FlipBelt. Sometimes I'll put my epi-pen in my Roo Sport and my phone in my Armpocket. Sometimes I'll put my epi-pen in my pocket, and use the FlipBelt or Roo Sport for my phone. It all works, and I LOVE having so many options!

One other thing that I purchases right after my EIA diagnosis was a RoadID. This was one of those things I always said I was going to get, but somehow had never gotten around to actually purchasing. But now that it was very possible (and, actually, somewhat likely) that I'd be in the position of having a medical emergency while out on the road, I knew it was time to finally place that order.

 

I decided to go with the shoe pouch, because I also carry Benadryl with me when I run - that's my first line of defense if I have an allergic reaction - and since the shoe pouch remains on my running shoes at all times, I know that any time I'm out running, I will at least have that with me. I also usually put my car key in here, too. It shuts tight with velcro, so everything is secure, and if you wanted to, you could fit one gel in there, too.

The photo they have on their website of the shoe pouch makes it look much larger than it is, so I took my own (very blurry) picture. It's really not that big, and I honestly don't feel it at all. It's never once bothered me, and I've been using it for quite a while. And since the ID is attached to the pocket, which is attached to my running shoe, I know I won't ever be out running without it.

When it comes to running clothes, I have to admit, I'm mostly a Target and Marshall's shopper. I think a lot of the Champion brand stuff they have at Target is great, and Marshall's always has a lot of great brand-name workout clothes for far less money, and I'm never one to turn down a good bargain.

But I also want clothes that are comfortable, functional, and that look nice. And when I am willing to pay full price, I keep finding myself going back to Moving Comfort. I now own 5 of their Alexis sport bras, and when I need to replace them, I'll likely buy 5 more of the exact same model. Comfortable, functional, and cute - what more could you want? 

The link above only shows it in white, but they come in a bunch of fun, colorful patterns - I just ordered a purple striped one, to go with my new favorite Moving Comfort shorts, which were only available at my local running store in purple and blue, but which I will also be ordering in black. 

I love the 4-inch length of these shorts (I know short shorts aren't for everyone, but I like to have a couple pairs this length), and I love how extremely comfortable the waistband is - it doesn't dig in, but it's very snug. They are a low-rise style, so if that's not your thing, don't bother with them. I happen to love a lower-rise waist, so I was happy to see that's how they fit.

The other thing I love is that these shorts did not ride up at all while I ran - not so much as a single millimeter. But they didn't feel too tight around my legs, either. And when combined with my new purple Alexis sports bra, I'm going to have a cute summer running outfit! 

One final shout-out when it comes to clothes - a couple years ago, I discovered a company called Oiselle, and ordered a pair of their Roga shorts. And after wearing them a few times, I promptly ordered another pair!  These shorts are fabulous!  Comfortable waistband, nice pocket, and so incredibly lightweight, they feel comfortable even on the hottest days. They feel like traditional 'running shorts,' but they look SO much nicer - not all poufy and unflattering.

And the best part - I have never once experienced anything even close to chafing with my Roga shorts on, which is why they've become my marathon shorts. I wore them when I ran Gansett, and I wore them at Boston this year - and I also wore them on many of my 20-milers getting ready for both races.

It also happens to be a great small, women-owned company, with fabulous customer service, and lots of other really nice running clothes - if you haven't checked them out, you should.

So there you have it - a bunch of stuff I love. Would love to hear about your favorite things, too - because as far as I'm concerned, one can never have too much running gear!

Cox Rhode Races Half-Marathon, Year 6

I made sure to not go into the Providence half with any real expectations. I've run this race every year since it began, and that's the main reason I continue to run it every year - I've got a good streak going, and I'd like to keep it that way : )

It's a nice race, too, and it's been fun to see it grow over the years, and I do enjoy coming back every year. After all, if it wasn't a good race, the streak would have never begun!

I hadn't trained for it in any sense of the word this year, though, and although I hoped my marathon fitness would carry over into at least a decent performance, I knew that was in no way gauranteed.

So I'm truly not disappointed that it was far from a great race for me. There is part of me that wishes it had been - especially after seeing the age-group results and realizing that if I had run even close to my PR, I would have placed in my age group! But it wasn't my day, and that's alright, because I knew it might not be.

It's always such a strange feeling to go into a race without any real nervousness. I was a little jittery standing at the starting line, but that was really it. It was nice to not be so completely wound up and on edge for days before the race.

Driving up with friends was nice, too. I rarely travel to a race with anyone, and I actually do kind of enjoy the silence of being in the car by myself, but it was just as nice to have their company this tim : )

The full marathon starts half an hour before the half, and as we checked our bags we realized that the full was starting behind schedule - nearly 10 minutes late. We wondered if the half would be late, too.

And as I stood at the starting line waiting, and waiting, and waiting, that question was answered. Finally, nearly 20 minutes after 8am, the anthem was sung and we were on our way.

I knew I didn't want to spend a lot of time looking at my Garmin, but I also knew I'd look at it a few times in the first mile or two, to make sure I wasn't going out crazy fast, especially since the first two miles are flat and fast.

I did fine, though - 7:25 and 7:22. And I was feeling great, and even started thinking that maybe I had a PR in me after all. Then the hills started. This course isn't crazy hilly, but it does have a good amount of climbing. Miles 3, 4, and 5 all have some hills in them, and I slowed to 7:35, 7:35, and 7:32. And I was feeling way more tired way earlier than I ever have in a half.

And I honestly didn't go through much of a mental battle over whether or not I was going to give myself a pass today. I went back and forth a little bit, but just couldn't come up with any really compelling reasons to continue beating myself up.

I felt like I was fighting so, so hard to hold my pace in the 7:30s, and I didn't want to be fighting today. I didn't want to coast, but I didn't want to struggle, either, and right now, I was struggling.

So that was it. It was clear that I wasn't going to PR, and it was clear that I was hurting, and that wasn't what I was here for today, so I gave myself permission to back off and slow down, and that's exactly what I did.

The next few miles were not easy, but I slowed enough that they felt a little bit easier. The hill at mile 7 still crushed me, though. I can't remember the last time I ran above an 8-minute mile in a half-marathon, and I'm usually a very strong hill runner, but not today. Today the hills were destroying me.

Miles 6, 7, 8, and 9 - 7:46, 7:44, 8:09, 7:54. I have to admit, it felt a little discouraging to see those numbers on my Garmin, but I made my peace with it and tried to just enjoy being out there.

I got a little bit of energy back at mile 10, and ran that one in 7:31, but then slowed way down for the other sizable hill on the course - at mile 11 - for a 7:49 mile. At that point, I just wanted to be done, and the slower middle miles had allowed me to conserve a little bit of energy, so I did kick it back in for the final 2.1 - 7:24, 7:29, 7:09.

I crossed in 1:40:57, and was very happy to be done. It wasn't my toughest race, and it wasn't my worst race, but it clearly wasn't my best race. It was, truthfully, just a race. It felt kind of anticlimactic in that sense. But it was ok. I was done, and for not feeling very strong, I had still pulled off an ok performance, so I was going to focus on that.

I watched my friends come in (both had great races - hooray!), and then we all met up and rehashed the race and refueled before heading back home.

As I think about how the day went, I can really only come up with one reason I didn't race the way I should have - I simply did too much in the weeks following Boston.

I skimped on my recovery, and I paid for it yesterday.

I don't think the 5K alone was a bad idea, but I think the 5K one weekend, combined with the insanely hilly 18K the following weekend, was just too much. All of last week, my runs felt sluggish and slow, and my legs felt tight and sore. I knew that didn't bode well for the half, and my instincts were obviously correct.

But what's done is done, and I've learned my lesson. And now I'm going to listen to my body and give it the TLC that it desparately needs, by taking this week off from running entirely. As much as I want to go out and run, I know that if I do, I'm going to have that same sluggish, slow, creaky feeling I had last week, and I'm just going to be adding to the accumulated fatigue.

And if I want to have a good, fun, productive summer of racing, I need to give myself a chance to shake that fatigue and that soreness and rest up properly.

Another thing that made this race different from any other I've run was the very obvious and very visible increase in security. City, state, and military police were everywhere, many of them carrying rifles, some of them standing on rooftops, and many of them accompanied by bomb-sniffing dogs. I suppose it was good to know that they were there, and that the security had been stepped up.

But at the same time, it made me sad - sad that this is how it has to be now. I wonder if this is the new normal, or if it will be like this for a while, and then slightly less extreme as time passes.

Either way, it was a vivid reminder of what happened at Boston, and I have to admit, it did take away somewhat from the otherwise joyful atmosphere - at least for me. I haven't been thinking about Boston quite as intensely the past couple of weeks, and seeing all those armed officers brought it all back in a way I wasn't really ready for.

But the day was uneventful, and the prevailing mood was positive and uplifting, as a race finish line should be, and that was a good thing.

And despite my feeling pretty dismal and not putting forth my best effort, I still ran a 7:43 pace for 13.1 miles, and my 1:40 finish was good enough to put me in 6th place in my age group. I wish I had done better, but in the grand scheme of things, I have a lot to be proud of.

What I'm most proud of, though, is that I listened to what my body was telling me. I am not one to back down from a challenge, and I am not one to give in to pain or fatigue in a race. But what I was feeling Sunday wasn't pain - it was an exhaustion that I knew was more than just me having a tough day. It was an exhaustion that I've been fighting off since April 15th, and I can't fight it off anymore.

It wasn't a day to completely surrender and walk off the course, but it wasn't a day to fight, either, and I'm glad I was able to strike that balance.

The final numbers -

1:40:57, 7:43 pace

6 of 247 in my age group

41 of 1,158 females

195 of 1,923 overall

And now, I rest!

Putting Up the Numbers

My Boston recap was clearly not an ordinary race recap, and although I'm feeling mostly ok at this point, I have moments where I feel like I really want to get back the feelings of euphoria and accomplishment that I was experiencing up until the time that everything turned awful.

One thing I did was make a few additions to what I call my 'wall of fame,' where I have all my race medals, and until today, had just a photo of the boys cheering me on at Gansett last year.

Today, I added the amazing cover from the Boston Magazine that came out immediately following the race, as well as one of my finish line photos. I think it's a nice improvement : ) 

Something else I've done is review my stats from the race. I usually pore over these as soon as they're available, and I did write them down shortly after the results were posted, but I looked them over again today, and I got a little of that euphoric feeling back.

Of course, when your kids ask you what place you came in in the race, and you answer 8,549th!!!  it doesn't sound all that impressive, but with this field, it sounds good to me.

3:30:19, 8:01 pace

11-minute PR

231 of 1,876 in 40 - 44 age group

1,911 of 11,606 females

8,549 of 24,000 (approx.) overall

I'm very proud, and very happy, with how I placed.

But as I look at those numbers, I also think about how hard I'm going to work to make them even better next year.