Beginning Again

I haven't written the past few days because they haven't really been good ones. 

Saturday actually wasn't too bad, but Sunday I woke up feeling hopeless and sad, and I also started having quite a bit of pain. It was a long day, and unfortunately, yesterday was even worse, as I spent most of the day in a lot of emotional and physical pain as my body completed the process of miscarrying. 

I never went through that last time, and I will spare you the details, but it's a horrible process, and one I sincerely hope and pray that I never have to go through again. 

Thankfully Scott was home yesterday, and was able to take care of the boys for me, because I really don't know how I would have done it myself. They came up to see me before he put them to bed, and Dante crawled into bed with me and rubbed my cheek with his hand and said softly "It's ok, Mommy. You will feel better." 

And he was right. I was able to get a good night's sleep last night, and I did wake up feeling a little better. The pain has eased up, and feeling like there is some closure to this process is helping me. 

I still need to go in for a final ultrasound Friday to be sure that nothing was retained, and will hopefully have some time to talk to the doctors about where we go from here. 

So I guess we now begin again the process of moving forward and healing. It feels somewhat daunting, but luckily we have a lot of friends and family to help us.

I'll start this afternoon by bringing the boys to the park and getting out in the fresh air and watching them run around and laugh. 

I am more thankful than ever that spring is just around the corner.  

Comments

[Chad in the AZ Desert]

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Wes]

Yup... Thinking about you too. We are always moving forward...

[Courtenay]

I'm sure you have a lot of muscle memory of what hugs from me feel like... despite the fact that a fair percentage of the ones you received were delivered (and received) drunkenly. I want you to feel that right now. I am hugging you so huge; my arms are stretching all the way across the Mississippi, down I-80, crossing the GW Bridge, heading up 95, and there they are -- on Dovetail Lane -- hugging the shit outta you.
Can you feel it? Good thing I'm doing all this yoga -- I can stretch really, really far, and I always will for you!!!
xoxoxo

[Strugglepants]

I wish you all the best with the healing process, Michelle. :(

[J-mom]

I am so sorry! :<(