Doubt

My alarm went off at 4:30 yesterday morning. That's right - 4:30AM.

Tuesday is track day, and since Scott had a conference call at 7am, I couldn't do my workout at 6, or I wouldn't be back in time for him to be on his call. So I was out the door by 5am.

Only problem is that now that we're slowly entering the fall season, it's pretty dark at 5am, so the track was not really an option.

I briefly considered going to the gym and getting on the treadmill, but my workout called for 3 one-mile repeats, and although the intervals on the treadmill last week went well, the weather was nice yesterday morning, and I hated the thought of being inside if I didn't have to be.

So I headed down to the beach, figuring that I could run up and down the stretch of road that runs right along the ocean. There are enough streetlights on that stretch of road that it didn't feel too creepy or unsafe being out there alone.

It did feel a little strange, though, since I never, ever run in the dark. It was really peaceful and quiet, though, which was nice. I actually left my iPod off for a while, and just enjoyed the calmness.

And it was very cool to watch the sun come up as I was running. The super-early-morning workout isn't for everyone, and I usually prefer it if mine are just a tad bit later, but being out before sunrise is almost surreal, and lends a very different feel to the effort. (Makes you feel seriously dedicated and hardcore, too!)

The repeats went ok. The goal was 7:02 for all of them, and I failed miserably the first time - 7:11. Second one was a little better - 7:06 - but still not quite where I needed to be. So I dug down deep for the final one, and tried to run more by feel, and didn't spend as much time looking at my Garmin, and lo and behold, it was the fastest one - 6:51!

It was nice to finish that way, but unfortunately, the burst of energy and optimism I had last week all but evaporated during the last 3 miles of Saturday's 20-mile run.

I felt amazing for the first 17 miles. Fantastic. Super. Incredible. I even remember thinking at mile 16 that for the first time, I hadn't hit the 15-mile slump, and for the first time, I could imagine running a full 26.2 miles, and running it at the pace I need to run it.

But right around mile 17, I started having bad stomach pain, and it just got worse. And when your stomach goes south, so does everything else. Luckily I only had 3 miles to go, and I made it, but I felt pretty nauseous and beat up when I was done, and it took a few hours before I felt better. And at that point, the thought of running the full 26.2 was absolutely terrifying.

I'm fairly certain that the reason I ran into trouble is that I tried something new when I stopped for fuel and water at mile 13. Instead of water, I had a few sips of Gatorade (not a lot at all - no more than the amount you'd get at a typical water stop during a race) with my Chomps. I've only had Gatorade one other time during a long run, and it didn't go over too well that time, either, but I wanted to give it one more shot.

But clearly, it does not agree with me, so I will NOT be doing that again. I'm just thankful I had such a small amount, and that I had it so late in the run. And this was definitely the right time to give it a test run, so that I now know to avoid Gatorade during the race. I may avoid the Chomps, too, since I seem to have had some minor stomach discomfort when I've used those, too.

I really seem to do better with the most simple, minimal fueling, and I think I'm going to stick with that from now on. Gels no sooner than an hour apart, and water only - no electrolyte drinks. Hopefully that formula will be a little easier on my stomach, but still give me enough energy to get through the full distance.

I still ran the 20 miles at exactly the pace I was supposed to - 8:52 - and I'm definitely happy that most of the run felt so great. But those final few miles were disheartening and discouraging, and I'm going to have to work hard to shake that off during these last few weeks of training.

But this weekend's race will help a lot, I think. It's going to be fun to race, instead of just going out for a long, solo training run. And the course looks like it's going to be very scenic - and it'll be nice just to run in a different area.

Changes of scenery have been vital for me these past few weeks, and have saved my sanity. When you run alone, it gets very tiring to run the same route over and over again, even with music as a distraction.

I've had some people ask me how I can possibly run 20 miles by myself, but it doesn't seem that strange to me. I try to run with the running club occasionally, and I do like the company once in a while, but I've always been mostly a solo runner, and it works fine for me.

As long as I can get out for a social run once in a while, I don't mind doing most of my running alone. I love listening to my music, and I love the time to just zone out.

And when it comes down to it, and I'm in the final miles of the marathon, I'm going to be on my own, so I'm glad I've had lots of practice with keeping myself motivated. It's not always easy, but I've gotten pretty good at those internal pep talks - running four 20-milers has given me plenty of opportunities to perfect my technique! 

I sometimes find myself looking at the schedule now and wishing the weeks away; just wanting race day to be here, so I can be done with all this.

And then the next moment my stomach is in knots, thinking about when it actually is race day, and wondering how on earth am I possibly going to pull this off?

As I start out on my long runs, I'm always struck by how great I feel at mile 6 or 7. My legs feel perfect - warmed up just enough. My head is in a good place - feeling positive. My muscles feel strong and ready for anything.

At that point, it seems unfathomable that I'll ever feel as exhausted and sore as I inevitably do as I finish up.

Logically, I know it's going to happen, but there's a part of my brain that just won't accept that, and that imagines finishing up those 20 miles feeling as fabulous as I do at mile 7.

Similarly, as I slog through these long runs at the prescribed slightly-under-9:00 pace, I can't quite wrap my head around the fact that I'm going to have to run so many more miles on the day of the race, at a pace nearly 30 seconds per mile faster than what I'm running now.

Right now, it just doesn't seem possible.

But I keep trying to remind myself that time and again, I've run races way faster than I thought I could, based on my training runs.

I don't race just for fun. I do enjoy it, and I do find it fun, but I race. Sometimes I'm racing myself, trying to set a PR, and sometimes I'm racing whoever I can find who seems like they might be in my age group.

But I'm always racing. And my body knows when I stand on that starting line that this is not an ordinary run. My head knows, too, of course, but some of it just feels instinctual, and when that gun goes off, everything kicks into high gear.

So I'm counting on that.

And I'm counting on taper to leave me feeling rested and refreshed. And I'm counting on the support of my fabulous family and friends. And I'm counting on my lucky race hat (which I'm planning on retiring once I qualify for Gansett or Boston).

And I'm counting on myself, because in the end, it's up to me to get the job done.

Comments

[Wes]

well... you're executing your training runs at the end of a week of training. For your race you will hopefully be tapered and well rested. That 30 seconds isn't going to magically appear. You've already earned it.

I'm just amazed that you are running your training runs faster than my upcoming race pace :-)

Everything you do from this point forward needs to be build your confidence. Your body is ready. Now whip that mind in to shape!