Me and The Boys

The 5K Works Its Magic - State Police 5K Foot Pursuit

I knew a while ago that the running club was putting together a women's team for a 5K this weekend, and I spent a lot of time hemming and hawing about joining them. I knew I was going to be burned out and tired and still recovering from Gansett, but I was so tempted to go out there and run a short, fast race - something I haven't done since the Super 5K in February.

I finally decided to go for it, and signed up Thursday night, and I am so, so glad that I did.

I found the other team members at the start, including a friend I've run with several times, and who's always slightly ahead of me at most races. She was looking for someone who was running approximately a 7-minute first mile, and that was about the pace I figured I'd be at, but I told her I didn't know if I'd be able to keep that up for the entire 3.1.

We stuck together for mile 1, and although we ran the first 1/4 mile a bit too fast, we quickly slowed down and finished the first mile in just over 7 minutes.

I could tell, though, that she wasn't letting up, and as much as I wanted to keep up with her, I told her I was going to back off. I wasn't looking for a PR today, and I wanted to have some sense of enjoying the race, instead of feeling like I wanted to die. And on top of that, since I'm still awaiting PT and chiropractic help for my left leg, I figured playing it a little safe was the way to go.

So I watched her take off, and decided my new goal was just to keep her in my sight. That, I thought, was doable. I was still working hard, but I wasn't leaving it all on the course, and I was fine with that.

I was also running without music. I've honestly gotten so sick of my running playlist, I just wanted a break from it. And it was pretty fun to hear the sounds all around me, instead of just tuning everything out - something I think I'll definitely do more often for shorter races.

Mile 2 beeped at 7:02, and I felt pretty good.

I've never done this race before, so didn't know the course, but was happy to find that it was nice and flat and fast, with some nice stretches running by the ocean, including the final mile.

I was getting tired, but I managed to pick up the pace just a little bit, finishing mile 3 in 6:57, and the final .1 at a 6:42 pace.

It was really refreshing to finish a 5K and feel like I still had some energy left. Normally if I felt that way, I'd be mad at myself for not pushing harder. But this time, I was glad I had held back. I still finished just 30 seconds off my PR, and more importantly, I enjoyed myself, and didn't ask too much of my still-not-completely-recovered legs.

And it was incredibly motivating to find that, even though my last few runs have felt terrible, sluggish, and slow, my legs haven't forgotten how to run fast. As I was slogging through my last 5-miler at barely an 8:35 pace, I couldn't imagine how I'd ever be able to run 7-minute miles again. So reassuring to put yourself to the test, and find that you passed!

And of course now I'm really anxious to get back to track workouts and tempo runs, so that the next time I run a 5K, I can try for a new PR, and start chipping away at those 39 seconds and work on my goal of going under 21 minutes.

Not jumping into that just yet, though - I'm going to give myself another week or two of easy runs, and hope that they feel better than the last two weeks have.

The numbers from yesterday -

22:07, 7:07 pace

8 of 88 in my age group

119 of 722 overall

Fun Stuff On The Horizon

Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows that I love talking about my running, and my races, and my track workouts, and how far and fast I've run, and whether or not I got a PR or won an age-group award.

I love it. I'm proud of what I do, and I like to share that, and I also love that I've been told many times that people find it inspiring to read about what I'm doing.

But I have three running-related things on the horizon that are NOT all about me, and I'm so incredibly excited for both of them.

First up is the United HealthCarehalf-marathon in Providence next weekend - the kickoff to the Triple Crown Series of races.

I'm really excited for it, but I am most definitely not racing this one.

What I am doing is pacing a friend. I wouldn't go so far as to say I've been coaching her through her training, but I have helped with training questions and offered lots of encouragement and support, and it's been so fun to see her making progress along the way.

We're hoping for a PR - for her, not me - at the half, and I can't wait to get out there and run with her and hopefully help her to that PR. I think seeing someone else accomplish their goal is going to be just as, if not more, rewarding than my own accomplishments.

It's going to add a whole new twist to the race report, too, and I'm really looking forward to writing about the experience. I run with the running club when I can, but I'm mostly a solo runner, and have always been a solo racer, so this is uncharted territory for me, and I'm sure I'll be learning a thing or two.

After that, I'm embarking on something that I'm so excited about, I can hardly stand it. I've been given the chance to facilitate an afterschool running club at a local elementary school!  It's been in the works for a while now, and I'm still hesitant to write too much about it, just because all the details aren't completely finalized, but it does look like we're going to be moving forward.

I kind of fell into this opportunity, and I have no coaching experience whatsoever, but I've done my research, and came up with some plans that were very well-received by the school.

And I may not have any coaching experience, but I definitely have a love of and enthusiasm for the sport, and can't wait to get out there and get those kids running!

And speaking of kids running - I'm finally committing to getting out for regular runs with Gabe and Dante, in the hopes that we can all run a 5K together sometime this summer, or early fall.

They both love running at the Youth Track meets during the summer, and I'd love to have the experience of running a race with them, if it's something they want to do. I'm not going to force them, but when I mentioned the idea, they both seemed pretty excited.

We went for our first run this morning - a 1.5-mile loop around the neighborhood. Dante is definitely cut out for distance - unlike most kids, he's not so eager that he sprints at full speed for the first 1oo yards, using up all his energy. He's happy to jog at a comfortable pace - and I know it's a comfortable pace, because he talks the ENTIRE TIME - no worries about him running so fast that he's gasping for air.

Gabe prefers the 'run as fast as I can for 100 yards, come to a screeching halt, complain about how tired I am, and then resume sprinting' routine. He repeats this again and again and again, until, by the time we've gone 1/4 mile, he's about ready to collapse.

I worked really hard to try to keep him to a more moderate speed when we went out this morning, though, and he did do a little better, but still spent the second half of our run talking about how tired he was. 

Some other snippets of conversation from the approximately 20 minutes we were out there -

"It's freezing!"

"Oh my god, I'm SO hot!"

"Water is good because it gives you energy."

"What is that smell?"

"I want to send the Easter Bunny a thank you card."

"Running really makes your knees tired."

During one of our walk breaks "This is called a rest walk, right?"

"When we get to the big hill, we're going to stop and walk, right?"

"Are we going ALL the way around the neighborhood?"

"I can't believe how long we've been running!"

As we headed up the final incline to go home, Gabe was dragging his heels, complaining how tired he was, and telling us that he couldn't possibly run any more.

And then I said the magic words - "run this last little stretch like it's a race."

He suddenly perked right up, picked up his feet, and ran up that hill as fast as his legs would carry him.

I suspect he may have inherited my competitive streak  : )

Post-Race Blues

I had a mid-training-cycle slump, and a pre-race funk, and now it's time for the post-race blues.

Motivation is lacking, my glute/hip area is aching, and the two times I've run this week, it hasn't been pretty. I just feel like I've somehow completely lost all my fitness - even an easy 5 miles this morning felt like an effort.

I have appointments with the orthopedist, chiropractor, and physical therapist, so that I can start getting this achy left leg thing straightened out, and I've also been spending some quality time with my foam roller, which has been helping. But the nagging discomfort, I'm sure, is contributing to my mood.

And I think I'm just in need of a break. I'm running the half next weekend - pacing my friend, and so excited about it - but after that, I'm definitely going to have a few weeks of very scaled-back mileage, and more swimming and biking, and try to forget all about future running goals for at least a little while.

They're out there, and I know I'll get back to them eventually, but right now, I'm beyond burned out.

There have been times during the past few weeks where I've actually thought I'd soon be looking forward to getting back to the track, and doing some intervals and tempo runs again.

But then today, as I was chugging along at an 8:35 pace, the thought of running 8 miles at a sub-8-minute pace seemed completely unfathomable, and the thought of running 26.2 miles seemed completely insane.

But I know I'm capable of it, and I know I will do it again. It's just going to take some time. Maybe a week or two, or maybe three or four - whatever it takes to make running fun and enjoyable again.

Accountable

With all the marathon mania around here lately, I've had a hard time sitting down and writing about anything else. But there is plenty of other stuff going on, and our continuing efforts to work on and improve Gabe's behavior are in the forefront.

Scott and I went to see a psychologist a few weeks ago, and while I did find the visit to be helpful, and we probably are going to schedule more appointments, I was a little disappointed to find that she was very pro-medication. Disappointed, and a little annoyed at first, but not surprised.

But I also wasn't swayed in my very firm belief that it's not something we're going to consider at this point. Luckily Scott and I are in agreement on this.

She gave us her whole medication spiel, but also followed it up with a lot of very useful and helpful information about various techniques we can use in lieu of medication, and told us that if we decide we want to continue to work with her, she'd love to have us come in for more appointments, where she can go into much more specific detail about some of the behavior modification programs and how to implement them. 

One of the key points we took away from the appointment - this isn't just about Gabe. It's about our entire family, because his behavior affects all of us. It affects me and Scott's relationship, and our relationship with Dante, and our relationship with Carmine, and Gabe's relationship with everyone.

I think we already knew that, but didn't consciously think about it. Much of our time and attention is often directed toward Gabe - supervising, monitoring, controlling, reprimanding, speculating on whether or not we're handling the situation correctly...   And that, obviously, is time and attention that we can't give to the other boys.

This, I suspect, contributes greatly to Dante's propensity to do everything with incredible enthusiasm and at ridiculously loud volumes. I think some of that is just his personality - he is his father's son : ) - but some of it is also his way of saying "hey, look at me, I'm here, too!"

The bottom line is that when one child diverts attention from the others on a regular basis, it shifts the family dynamic.

And there's no denying that we also sometimes experience extreme frustration with Gabe's behavior, which leaves us very litte patience for Dante and Carmine's shenanigans.

I'm not saying any of this to place blame on Gabe. It's far from his fault. This is who he is, and it's up to us to help him find ways to cope with the challenges he faces, so that he doesn't require so much attention from us, and the dynamic can be a bit more balanced.

It just so happens that some friends recently started using a system called Accountable Kids, and I had considered it when they mentioned it, but never got around to ordering and committing to it.

But after that visit, and after reading a little more about it, it really seemed like a great solution for us, so I went ahead and placed an order.

It arrived last week, and I've spent a few days familiarizing myself with it, and getting the materials ready, and we set it all up for the boys tonight. It seems like a great way to keep them on track without constantly nagging them, and it also seems tailor-made for kids with ADHD, who need nearly constant reinforcement and rewards.

Time will tell if it works well for us, but I have high hopes. We've tried other behavior charts and various methods of rewards, but haven't found any one that we stuck with consistently - and that lack of consistency does not do any of us any favors.

So we'll put this plan into place, and get as much information as we can from the psychologist, and keep working at this.

The other key point we took away from the appointment was this - if we choose not to use medication, we need to be prepared to be 'on' 24/7. Yes, this is part and parcel of parenting in general, but with a child who has ADHD, you have to be even more 'on,' and more aware, and more diligent.

And you have to be prepared to keep at it forever. There's no cure for ADHD, and you don't outgrow it. Like I said, this is who Gabe is.

BUT, it's only one part of who he is. He's also a sweet, funny, silly, smart, and amazing little boy, and we're responsible for teaching him to make the most of his life and be the best he can be.

It's a tall order, and some days I don't feel like I'm up to the challenge, but I'll definitely do everything in my power to make sure I succeed.

The Boys Are Back to School, But I'm Still On Vacation

For the past 8 months, I've been telling myself that I need to start getting back in the pool regularly. And for the past 8 months, I've been making one excuse after another for not swimming.

But now that marathon training is done, and I have a triathlon coming up in about 8 weeks, there are no excuses left.

So I was back in the water at 6am sharp today, ready to see if I still remembered how to swim!

I started out doing 100s, and had to rest quite a bit between the first few sets, but was happy that my arms and legs still knew what to do, and was actually feeling ok.

After 8 x 100, I decided to try for 200s. I was definitely feeling more comfortable now, and really enjoying being in the water. I forgot what an incredible workout swimming is - it was tiring, but also felt great.

And once I did my first 200 and knew I was now up to 1,000m, I knew I'd go for a full mile.

I ended up completing the 1-mile swim in just about 45 minutes, which I was thrilled with, considering it was my first swim since August! The endurance I gained from marathon training definitely carried over. (Can't wait to test out that endurance on my bike soon, too!)

Now that the tri is on the horizon, I think it'll be a lot easier for me to stick to a schedule of swimming at least once a week. And when the weather (and the water temperature) warms up, I need to get in at least a few open-water swims. I didn't do that before the tri last year, and I paid for it with one of my worst swims ever, so I want to be sure to not make that same mistake this year.

I also went out for my first post-marathon run on Saturday morning, and it was wonderful. I did have my Garmin on, just so that I'd have the info to record in my running log when I got back, but I wore it upside down on my wrist, so that I wouldn't be tempted to look at it while running - and it worked - I looked at it only one time during the entire run. 

The rest of the time, I just ran, and reveled in the fact that I did not have to worry about hitting a certain pace or a certain number of miles. It felt so liberating.

There is a small part of me that feels a little lost not having a plan to follow, but I'm mostly really loving the freedom. I'm going to give myself at least a few more weeks of easy runs, and will maybe start to pick things back up again around the middle of May.

By then, I think I'll be ready to get back to the track, and pin down some more specific goals for my summer races, and get back to work. Until then, I'll kick back and enjoy my little 'vacation.'

The Truth Comes Out

A commenter on one of my recent posts suggested that I link my list of completed races to the accompanying race reports, and when I read that suggestion, I realized that I should have been doing that all along, and I'm not sure why I hadn't. Thanks for the suggestion, Scott N.!

I just finished putting in those links, and it was really fun to go back and revisit some of those old races, particularly the really early ones. Amazing to see how a 26-minute 5K was just as exciting to me then as a 21-minute 5K is now. The times may change, but the feeling of success stays the same : )

We've had a great vacation week, but I think Gabe and Dante are getting sick of all the togetherness, and they spent most of the day Friday bickering and fighting, and driving me and Scott insane.

Scott took them mini-golfing Friday afternoon, and the outing ended in a spectacular blowout between Gabe and Dante, which resulted in the two of them spending a very long time in their room.

While they were up there, they wrote notes of apology to Scott, and Gabe's was very eloquent. He wrote really nicely about what he was sorry for, and that he hoped the note would make Scott feel better.

And it ended with this gem - "You're the one I really love."

The funny thing is that I suspect if he wrote me a note of apology, it would end with the same sentiment. He's a sly one.....

United Healthcare Triple Crown Kickoff

The pain of the marathon's final miles are so quickly forgotten, and I'm already anxiously awaiting the next time I get to pin a race number to my shirt.

Lucky for me, it's right around the corner - the Cox Rhode Races half-marathon on May 6, also known as the first leg of the United Healthcare Triple Crown.

I've run this race every year since its inception, so even though I knew it was just 3 weeks post-Gansett, I signed up again this year, wanting to keep the streak going.

And as luck would have it, a good friend of mine is also running, looking for a PR, but running a pace that's slower than what I would normally run a half, so I offered to pace her, and she accepted.

Running with a friend, and hopefully helping her to a new PR, is going to make for such a great experience!

And when I signed up, I thought to myself that I'd be so burned out from training for and running Gansett, that I'd have no problem keeping to a slower pace at Cox, and not pushing myself too hard and ending up injured.

But here I am, not even a week later, already itching to get back to the track and put some training plans in place for the summer and early fall.

So I'm thankful not only for the opportunity to run with a friend and see her accomplish her goal, but for the fact that she's going to keep me from really racing this one. It'll be good for me both mentally and physically to just go out and run a race for fun. I need that, and I'm really excited for it.

Since I just ran a marathon, my 'training' for this race consists of not really training. I took all of this week off from running, and have just been doing some cross-training. I'll go for a run tomorrow, and then will get in a few easy runs this week, and probably aim for close to a 10-miler next weekend - all at a nice, slow pace, though.

That, combined with my Gansett training, should be more than enough to carry me through the 13.1.  Won't be breaking any records, but I'll definitely be having a great time!

Vacation Week Tidbits

It may not be apparent from my last few posts, but there is more to my life than running. It's just that the weeks and days leading up to and immediately after a marathon are kind of consumed by the race. And I'm still constantly thinking about it, and analyzing it, and, yes, already thinking about what my next short-term goals are, in terms of racing.

But in between all that, there is still plenty of other stuff to keep me busy, including the antics of my three crazy little boys.

Carmine is finally saying his own name, and has started referring to himself in the third person. And of course all I can think of when he does it is the episode of Seinfeld with the character "Jimmy," who did the same thing.

He's also fully embracing the terrible twos, and our days have more than their fair share of screaming and temper tantrums, and lots of "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"  and "MINE!!!!!"

Dante has had a particularly exciting vacation week - we went to see the Titanic exhibit at Mystic Aquarium, which was awesome. He was so excited that he woke up that morning and ran into the kitchen yelling "Happy Titanic Exhibit Day!!"

And last night I took him to see Robert Ballard speak at URI - a pretty cool thing for a 6-year-old to be able to do. And I found it really interesting, too. It's great when your kids get to the ages where they're interested in are things that you also find interesting. Much cooler than having to sit through a live performance of The Wiggles.

His reading skills have really taken off now, too. It's so cool to see him be able to sit down and read an entire book. He was so proud of the fact that he could read the "Magic Treehouse" books all by himself now! 

He's also taking a cue from Gabe and writing his own sequels to the books he reads, and he wrote one the other day called "Diary of A Stupid Kid." The story was as follows - "One day I jumped off a mountain and I died." His title was very accurate, I think.

And I forgot to write the other day, but when Dante woke up on Saturday morning, he told me that he had dreamed about me winning the race. What a sweetie :  )   And when he said that, Gabe asked me "I forgot - how long is the race today? Sixty miles?"  At times, it sure felt like it was.....

I have lots to write about Gabe and our visit with the psychologist last week, but I'll save that for another post. I'm still working on processing everything and figuring out where we go from here. One thing we know for sure, though, is that we are not opting for medication at this time, and it's very helpful that Scott and I are on the same page with that.

Aside from that, we're enjoying the amazing summer-like spring, gearing up for the beginning of soccer, tennis, swim class, and a return to busy schedules. It's good timing, though, since I'm heading into a period of much less intense training.

I can't deny, though, that I did peek at my 'Run Less, Run Faster' book this morning, scoping out the training plan for a 3:35 marathon.....  

Post-Gansett Thoughts

If you're ready for me to stop talking about Gansett and move on to other topics, you'll have to wait just a wee bit longer.

After the post-race glow subsides a little, and you're able to walk up and down stairs without wincing, it's a little easier to process how things went, and figure out how you really feel about it.

And truth be told, despite what a great experience it was, I do feel a little disappointed.

I worked really, really hard these past 4 months, and until the very end, all my workouts were going so well. I was sure I'd be able to pull off a 3:38. I truly felt I was in good enough shape to do it.

There were some times of doubt, but not as much as I had going into Hartford. I was really, really nervous about Hartford. Since it was only my second marathon, and I was aiming for a nearly 30-minute PR, I had a lot to be nervous about.

But this time I really felt like my 'A' goal was going to happen. I felt pretty confident that I'd cross that finish line in less than 3 hours and 40 minutes. But, of course, I didn't.

Yes, I know I still got a really nice PR, and I displayed some serious mental toughness during those last 8 miles, and I am very proud of that.

But when you pour your heart and soul into something for 4 months, and you only have a few hours to put it to the test and make it happen, and you know full well that it's going to be a long time (in my case, another year) before you make another attempt at it, missing that goal is a little tougher to take.

As much of a toll as this training cycle took on me, and as burned out as I was, and as vehemently as I vowed to everyone I talked to that I would never again run two marathons 6 months apart, I found myself thinking yesterday that maybe I should take another crack at it this October.

But I won't. Not because I don't want to - I want that 3:38, and I don't want to wait a whole year for it - but because I know that I don't have it in me to go through that type of training again right now, and my heart wouldn't be in it 100%. And because I promised Scott (and myself) that I would not be spending this summer training for a marathon. I want to enjoy my summer and enjoy running without putting too much pressure on myself.

I still find myself trying to figure out exactly what happened Saturday; why I fell apart so badly at mile 18. I still think it was a combination of factors, and given the fact that my face was crusted with salt when I finished, I suspect that in addition to not drinking enough water, I also probably needed more electrolytes.

And I know it sounds ridiculous to complain about the fact that it was in the 60s by the time I finished, since that seems arctic compared to the temps in Boston Monday, but it was definitely warmer than what I had been used to running in, and after 18 miles, those effects are felt so much more dramatically.

I'm not offering these things up as excuses - it's just helpful for me to try to sort it all out, so that I can fix any potential problems before I do this again.

But for now, I'm going to try to not dwell on what went wrong, and focus on what went right. It was an incredible race (I don't know if any other finish line will quite compare to that one), and although I had some pretty dark moments, my overall sentiment was one of overwhelming happiness - because it was such a special race to me, and because I still managed to shave more than 2 minutes off my Hartford time.

So I'll leave the bad stuff behind and move forward. I'm actually already looking forward to running a few easy miles this weekend. No specific pace, no specific distance.  Just a run. I can't wait!

Gansett Marathon, April 14, 2012 - Best. Race. Ever.

It isn't often that you miss your marathon goal by three minutes, spend the last 8 miles of the race feeling like you want to die, and still refer to it as your best race experience ever.

But for me, that's what this race was.

I knew it was going to be an amazing day, no matter what the clock read when I crossed the finish line, and I was right.

I've mentioned time and again how proud I was just to be participating in this race, and I'll say it again - the only qualifiers-only marathon in the US - and I was running it!  Just pinning my race number on gave me goosebumps.

Running a local marathon also makes for the simplest race prep ever. I cooked my own plate of pasta Friday night, ate dinner with my family in the comfort of my own home, didn't have to pack any bags or consult any maps, and got to sleep in my own bed. It was lovely!

I was still up pretty early, so I had time to eat and digest, and then found myself with tons of time to spare, so ended up making pancakes for the boys for breakfast. It was actually a lot better to have something to do, though - nicer than just sitting around a hotel room being nervous.

Left the house around 7:10, got to the start around 7:20, made a few pit stops, chatted with a few people, and before I knew it, we were headed over to the street. 

Scott and the boys were there to watch the start, so I got to give everyone a few more hugs and kisses, and then it was time to go. I was definitely nervous, but as with most races, once I was actually lined up on the road, knowing that I was finally going to get this done, I started feeling much calmer.

The weather could not have been more perfect. It was probably close to 50 when we started - perfect for a tank top, shorts, and arm warmers. There was a bit of a breeze, but it didn't seem like it was so windy that it would present any issues.

I have spent the past 9 months training on this course, and I knew that, given how flat most of it is, I'd have to be really careful about not going out too fast. So I lined up at the back of the pack, and concentrated really hard on a moderate pace for the first few miles - and was very happy to see my first few splits come in at 8:18, 8:17, 8:20, and 8:17.

Running down Ocean Road is one of the nicest parts of the course, and I was just cruising along, really enjoying myself. Since it's a small race, everyone spread out pretty quickly, and I was mostly running alone, but there were still people nearby, so I didn't feel lonely. And since I do lots of my long runs solo, it's really nothing new for me, so I was fine with that aspect of it.

Miles 4 and 5 might have been a tad too fast - both 8:13 - so I did my best to slow down a bit, and got miles 6 and 7 back down to 8:17 and 8:16. I was aiming for an 8:18 pace, so I felt like I was still doing ok pacing myself.

Another advantage of running a local race is that a great number of the race volunteers were members of the local running club, many of whom I've met at least once or twice, and some of whom I've run with numerous times. Being cheered by anyone is an instant boost when you're out there, but being cheered by people you know multiplies that affect tenfold, so it was really awesome to see all those familiar faces.

And one of the great things about this race is that the volunteers had lists of all the participants, so even if they didn't know your name, they'd spot your race number, find your name on their list, and give you a personal shout-out as you ran by. Very, very nice touch, and so appreciated.

Miles 8, 9, and 10 were again a little fast - 8:11, 8:13, 8:13, but I didn't feel like I was going so fast that I'd pay for it later. I did try to rein it in a little, though, and was helped by the fact that Mile 11 (8:17) had a long gradual climb, and Miles 12 and 13 (8:23, 8:21) were on my least favorite part of the course - the stretch along Route 108. 

Miles 14, 15, and 16 were the end of the first loop, and a part of the course that I always tended to run faster in training, and I did not want to go flying through those miles and start the second loop feeling completely drained, so I really focused on holding a slower pace, and did well at first. Mile 14, 8:21 and Mile 15, 8:17.

Kind of screwed up with mile 16, though - 8:09. Oops. Passing the finish line, where a good friend and her family were cheering me on, gave me a little too much of a boost. It was so fabulous to see them, though - worth maybe running a little too fast.

I knew that now the real work was going to begin. Loop courses are mentally very tough, and I was just hoping that the fact that I'd done some loops during training would help me out. I kept reminding myself that I had trained for this, and I knew what I was in for.

And I also kept thinking about the fact that I'd be seeing Scott and the boys right around Mile 21 - that definitely gave me motivation to keep moving.

I was still doing ok for Mile 17 - 8:15 pace. And I was feeling pretty good. Getting tired, for sure, and feeling warmer, as it was getting later in the day and the sun was strong. But I still felt like I could handle this pace for at least a few more miles, if not the whole race.

Then at some point during Mile 18 I went around a bend in the road, started running into a headwind, and started falling apart.

I don't know that the wind was any stronger than it had been the first time down this stretch, but it felt like it was. I suddenly felt like every step was a struggle, and every muscle was aching, and this whole endeavor had instantly turned into a battle.

The splits tell the story - Miles 18 through 25: 8:29, 8:21. 8:39, 8:44, 8:28, 8:56, 8:40, 8:45.

I was hurting. Bad.

I had taken two Gus up to this point - one around Mile 7, and one around Mile 14, and my plan was to take my last fuel around Mile 20. I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach another Gu, so I had some Honey Stinger chews, and I worked on forcing those down. It was work, too. The last thing I wanted was any more disgusting gooey crap, but I knew I needed them, so I ate them and kept plodding along. 

As I got closer and closer to Mile 21, all that was keeping me going was knowing that Scott and the boys would be there, so when I saw them, I broke out in a huge grin, despite feeling competely and utterly horrible.

Gabe and Dante were jumping up and down screaming my name so loud, I felt like a rock star : )  They ran alongside me for a minute, and I gave them high fives. I would have stopped for hugs, but I was afraid if I stopped, I'd never start running again.

A few more cheers from the volunteers at the water stop, and then, sadly, I was turning the corner back onto the dreaded Route 108 section, and feeling like 5 miles seemed like an eternity.

This part of the race is kind of a blur to me. It was pretty much a constant battle between my body, which wanted nothing more than to sit down on the side of the road and take a nap, and my head and my heart, which had no intention of giving up.

These were some of the toughest miles I've run in any race. I kept trying to remember if Hartford had felt this difficult, but I couldn't recall - probably because I was just as out of it during that stretch in Hartford, too.

I was exhausted, I was sore, it was getting warmer, sweat was running down my face and stinging my eyes, my music was annoying me instead of inspiring me, and I felt like I was going to be running forever.

I really was just willing myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and somehow, I managed to do it. I remember seeing some more friends from the running club at around Mile 23, and being so thankful to hear their encouragement.

The turnoff from Route 108 onto Kinney Drive was the milestone for me at that point. I knew if I could just make it to that spot, I'd make it the whole way. I did give in to two walk breaks, though. One around mile 23.5, and another at the water stop just after turning onto Kinney Drive.

I knew my sub-3:40 goal was gone at this point, but I felt pretty good that I could still get a PR. And as hard as it was to start running again after that walk break, I knew I was heading into the home stretch now, so I put my head down and told my legs to get moving.

As I headed into the final mile, I knew I wanted to finish strong. I knew my parents would be there, and my friends, and Scott, and my boys, and I wanted them to see me crossing that finish line with a smile on my face.

For the past 7 miles, I had felt like it was a miracle I was still standing upright, but I somehow summoned the energy to get my feet moving a little faster, and fought through the pain and the exhaustion as I turned the corner and headed back toward the beach.

There were no roaring crowds like at Hartford, and no spectacular finish line banner, but I didn't need that, because there was still that breathless anticipation of knowing the chute is finally within reach, and you just have to hold on for a tiny bit longer.

The final .2  loops around a small grassy patch of land across from the ocean, so my little group of spectators was able to see me as I started that final .2, and then quickly walk right back to the finish and see me cross the line.

I'm still not sure how I managed it, but I ran Mile 26 in 8:03, and the final .2 at a 7:36 pace. And with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

It took me a few minutes to catch my breath, and I was feeling pretty out of it, and in retrospect, I think I might have been slightly dehydrated. I stopped at every water stop, and there were plenty of them, but I don't think I took in enough water every time. I was not in any kind of danger, but I think drinking a bit more water would have been a good thing.

I took the time now to drink several big cups, and some Gatorade, and grabbed a few orange slices, and started to feel a little better. I hung around for a short while, but I wanted so badly to get home and take a shower, I didn't linger too long.

As I look back at how the day went, I'm not 100% certain why I faded so fast at Mile 18, but I think it was just a combination of factors. The temperature (low 60s) was warm enough to be a factor by the time I was starting the second loop + whether the wind was stronger or not, it felt like it was, and that dampened my spirits + I wasn't hydrating quite enough + the plain old physical and mental exhaustion of running 26.2 miles. It all added up to a really painful 8 miles.

And it also added up to me missing my goal by quite a bit. I had hoped that the first two numbers on the clock would be 3s, but it just didn't happen, and I am a little disappointed about that.

But I'm also incredibly proud of the fact that, in the course of 6 months, I took more than 2 minutes off my marathon PR. That's no small feat.

And even more than that, I'm proud of the fact that I prevailed, despite how rotten I felt during those last few miles, and that I did not let the negative thoughts get the best of me. 

Running this race, with so many familiar faces out there, and running among so many incredibly talented athletes, and in such a great atmosphere of camaradarie and enthusiasm and sheer love of the sport - it was something that I don't know if I'll ever experience again. But I'm thrilled that at least I experienced it once!

The final stats -

3:41:27

8:25 pace

25 of 38 females

Gansett Marathon Finisher : )