Me and The Boys

Running the Numbers

In the midst of all the other fabulous stuff that was going on last week and last weekend, I was also obsessively checking my email and the list of entrants for Boston, hoping I'd get word that my time had been verified and my registration had been accepted.

All the other excitement did do a good job of distracting me a little bit, but it was never far from my mind. So when I checked my email shortly before I got home Sunday, I was alternately thrilled and relieved. Thrilled, obviously, that I finally knew I was officially in. And relieved that I could stop worrying about it!

Just like I was giddy seeing my name on the entrant list for Gansett last year, I can't help but smile when I see it on the Boston list this year.

Two years ago, both of these races seemed like nearly impossible dreams - now I've run one of them, and I'm gearing up to run the other.

Even before I knew I was officially signed up, I was checking out training plans and pace charts, and figuring out what I was going to aim for.

I used to think that if I ever got into Boston, I'd want to just run it for fun. But that was before I knew I could run a 1:41 half-marathon, and a 21:31 5K, and a 1:16 10-mile race, and a 1:38 half-marathon.

When those numbers started showing up on the big red race clocks, I knew Boston wasn't going to be a fun run.

I've had a number in the back of my mind for a few weeks now, but I've been a little afraid to say it out loud. I haven't quite been ready to own it. Because, frankly, it's a little terrifying. 

But I've run the numbers, and I've reviewd my race times and my training runs this summer, and I've consulted all the charts. I've gone over it again and again and again, and this is the number that keeps popping up -

3:30.

See that box in the lower right - "Marathon Day. 26.2 miles @ 8:00/mile."  3:30. 

Gulp. Can I really do that? 

This plan is from the "Run Less, Run Faster" book that got me my Gansett qualifier last fall. I followed a different plan that time, but it got me the results I wanted. And when I look at this plan, yes, it's a lot of work and it's not going to be easy - but when I look at the paces/distances, they all seem very doable, and not out of reach at all. (I hit all of those paces - or faster ones - in a lot of my training runs already.)

Which is why I think the answer is yes, I can really do this.

It's going to suck at times, and there will be many, many days where my confidence will be MIA, but the numbers don't lie.

And now that I'm putting it out there, I'm really owning it. This is my goal. This is what I'm going to spend the winter working toward.

Bear with me, because there's going to be a lot of emotional ups and downs, a lot of stress, and a LOT of running talk.

But just like I kept reminding myself throughout my Hartford and Gansett training, it'll all be worth it in the end.

That's a phrase I will probably say (and write) many more times between now and April 15.

A Weekend of Mother Runner Awesomeness - Zooma Cape Cod

I love when so many exciting things happen that I don't even know where to begin.

The short version -

- Went to "Another Mother Runner" house party last week and had a blast

- Ran the Zooma half-marathon on Cape Cod, and shaved THREE minutes off my PR

- Won 1st place in my age group, and came in 6th overall

- Enjoyed a lovely, kid-free weekend on the Cape with a friend

- Met (and had dinner with) several awesome mother runners from the RLAM Facebook page

- Spent time (at last week's house party, and at this weekend's race) with two of my running idols

- Got my official Boston 2013 acceptance email

First, the house party, which I knew would be awesome to go to, and which became even more awesome when I found out an old friend from my Wheaton College days was going to be there.

I've heard Sarah and Dimity talk about the house parties on their podcast, so I had a pretty good idea of what to expect, but I have to say it still caught me a little off guard when I knocked on the door and Sarah opened it!

I've read both of their books, and spend a great deal of time on their Facebook community, chatting with them and other runners - commiserating about bad runs, celebrating great runs, swapping advice, and sharing stories. It's an amazing group, and I was so excited to meet at least a few of the members in person.

Meeting Sarah and Dimity was, of course, incredible. They are two of the nicest, funniest, most down to earth people you'll ever meet. And just as I expected it would be, it was so easy to talk to them. I honestly felt like I was chatting with old friends.

The party itself was great, too - awesome giveaways, Sarah and Dimity reading from "Train Like a Mother," and lots of fun conversations with other mother runners. And as a bonus, one of those mother runners just happened to be an old friend who I hadn't seen in nearly 20 years, and it was fabulous to finally have a reunion and catch up with each other.

All in all, a very fun night, and I'm so, so glad I was able to make it.

Next up was Zooma Cape Cod - the reason I was awake at 4am Saturday morning, and on the road at 4:30am to pick up my friend Deb.

As with the Jamestown half in July, I went into Zooma without any real specific goals in mind, so I had virtually no pre-race jitters. I knew I wanted to try to finish somewhere in the vicinity of my Jamestown time, but beyond that, I had no expectations.

The weather was gray and damp, but a good 10 degrees cooler than it had been in Jamestown, so I knew I'd have that in my favor. But I also had heard that the course was pretty hilly, so I wasn't sure how that would play out.

The hills started right away - two decent-sized ones in the first mile, and a few more good-sized rollers in miles 2 and 3. But that was nothing compared to miles 4 to 5 - almost an entire mile of climbing; no exaggeration.

The good news is that I am apparently a good hill runner, because I found myself passing a lot of people on those hills. And thankfully, after climbing nonstop from mile 4 to 5, we were treated to a huge downhill on mile 6.

Also like Jamestown, I was not listening to music (I really never do anymore), and barely looking at my watch. I glanced down a couple times the first few miles, but after that, I think I only checked it two or three more times for the remainder of the race. And I was fine with that. I knew that I was running as fast as I could, and that was my only goal for the day, so all was well.

As the miles ticked by, I knew I was definitely up near the front of the pack. It was a small race - only 230 participants - and there were not a lot of runners nearby, so I spent most of the race alone, but that wasn't a big deal for me. I like having company, but I'm ok with running solo, too.

There had been a small group of runners ahead of me for the first six miles, but somewhere between miles 7 and 8, I started picking them off one by one, and by mile 10, I had passed a good 6 or so people, and as I passed one of the aid stations, someone told me that I was in sixth place. That was a nice thing to hear : )

Two of the people I passed were two women who were running together, and had been since the start. They looked pretty strong, but I felt like I had it in me to get past them, so I sped up just a tiny bit, said "good job" to them, and moved ahead. After that, there was one other woman who had been just ahead of them, and I really hadn't intended to try to pass her, but I came up on her heels on one of the hills, and we chatted for a minute and then I moved past her, also.

There was a moment shortly after the 10-mile mark where I felt suddenly and completely exhuasted, and I worried that I was going to crash and burn during the last 3 miles. But it passed, and although I was definitely feeling tired, I managed to keep my pace up.

The last three miles, as they always are, were tough. I really wanted to slow down. But I knew if I bailed now, I'd regret it. So I just focused on getting to each mile marker. Mile 11 was a very welcome sight, and Mile 12 made me blissfully happy.

There was a weird spot where we had to turn off onto a side street and loop around for about 1/4 mile, which was incredibly annoying, as it came at about mile 12.5, but I looped around, saw that the three women I had just passed were still a few hundred yards behind me, and vowed that I would not let them catch me in the final half mile.

And I didn't : )  It was really, really nice to cross that finish line, especially since the clock read 1:38!!!!!!!!! 

Deb wasn't able to run the race due to a nasty case of plantar fasciitis that's kept her from running for 4 months, but she was volunteering at the finish line, and it was awesome to get a congratulatory hug from a friend : ) 

I was kind of in a daze after that. I chatted for a minute with the three women who came in right behind me, and we all complained about how brutally hilly the course had been, and I kept glancing at my watch, still kind of astonished that I had set a 3-minute PR in just two months time.

Sub-1:40 had been my goal for the Newport half next month, and 1:38 was my 'secret goal,' so now that I've jumped ahead to my secret goal already, I have no idea what to plan for in Newport. I think the best plan is to not plan, since that worked so well for me at Zooma and at Jamestown.

I'm going to assume that I can run at least a little faster in Newport, since the course is definitely flatter. But since the race is in just a few weeks, I'm not really going to be getting in any significant training between now and then. I'll try for a couple track workouts and a tempo run or two, but mostly, on race day, I'm going to trust my body and just run as fast as I can. That seems to be working out pretty well for me so far.

The final numbers -

1:38:07 - 7:29 pace

1st in my age group

6th of 230 overall

Splits - 7:29, 7:20, 7:28, 7:27, 7:47 (hill from hell!), 7:31. 7:17, 7:33, 7:26, 7:06 (!!!!), 7:15, 7:27, 7:21, 6:34

This race was also the first time I've had the luxury of finishing a race, and doing absolutely NOTHING for the rest of the day. Scott is always very, very helpful after I have a big race or long training run, but it's not the same as being away from home, and having zero responsibilities.

It was great to see Sarah and Dimity again at the post-race party, and after all the festivities had wound down, Deb and I went out for some shopping and lunch, then came back to the hotel and spent a few hours just lounging on the beach before heading out to dinner with some new friends (from the RLAM Facebook community).

Before the race -

 

Post-race bliss : )

 

LOVE these women!!!!

I don't know if I'll do a Zooma race again, but I think I'm going to find room on my calendar at least once a year for a girls getaway race weekend.

Oh, and about that whole Boston acceptance thing?  I'll save that for another post, because it's BOSTON - it deserves its own post!!! 

Falmouth, Newport, Philly, and Hopefully Boston

After my awful swim at the Naval Station tri this year, I vowed that I was going to redeem myself at the Y Not Tri in September. I bought a wetsuit. I tried on the wetsuit. In the course of trying it on, I tore the wetsuit.

What I did not do was swim in the wetsuit. Not once. I did go for a few eensy-weensy quick open-water swims while we were at the beach with the kids, but as the month of August progressed, my enthusiasm waned.

I kept pretending I might still give it a go - right up until the week before the race. But then I admitted to myself that it wasn't going to happen.

I thought I'd feel disappointed and upset with myself, and I did feel that way a little bit, but mostly I felt relieved. The drive and the desire just weren't there this year, and I know I would have just had another race with a crappy swim, and regretted it. 

I really do want to work on this next year, though. At the beginning of spring this year, I considered getting some coaching help for swimming, and never did it. But now that I've seen how well I can do on the bike and run (at both the tri and the biathlon a few weeks ago), I am pretty motivated to get the swimming thing figured out once and for all, because I could post some really good overall times if I could get through the swim more quickly. 

So next year is the year of no more excuses. Next year I'm going to conquer the swim, and figure out how to be comfortable swimming in the ocean.

In the meantime, I still have plenty to keep me busy.

Tomorrow night I'm driving up to Massachussetts to attend the "Another Mother Runner" house party, where I will get to mingle with a whole bunch of fabulous mother runners (including a dear friend from college who I haven't seen in ages!), and meet the amazing Sarah Bowen Shea and Dimity McDowell, authors of "Run Like a Mother" and "Train Like a Mother," and creators of one of the greatest Facebook communities ever. It's going to take me nearly 2 hours to get there, but it's going to be totally worth it. I can't wait!

And Saturday is the start of a fabulous girls' weekend getaway on the Cape with a close friend, which will include my 4th half marathon of the year - Zooma Cape Cod. We're staying at the host hotel, which is right on the ocean, the weather looks perfect, and the post-race party looks amazing. And to top it all off, we're meeting up with a bunch of other women from the AMR Facebook page for dinner Saturday night.

Just a few weeks after that, I'll be heading back over the bridge to run the final leg of the United Healthcare Triple Crown - the Newport half marathon.

This is the race I've been working up to all summer, and the reason I've been doing regular track workouts and tempo runs. I feel confident that I can run the 13.1 in under 1:40, based on my 1:41 in Jamestown, and on the paces I've been hitting in all my training runs, and based on the fact that it's bound to be cooler and drier, and the course is much flatter. 

I had initially planned on that being my last half for the year, but caved to peer pressure and signed up last week for the Philly half-marathon in November. There's a big group from the running club going down, most of whom are running the full, and they've been trying all summer to convince me to do it. I knew the full was not an option for me, but I hemmed and hawed about the half, and when I found out it was almost sold out, I finally got my credit card out and made it official.

More than the race itself, though, I'm really looking forward to a weekend with friends, and hanging out and running in a city I've never been in.

And I am SO looking forward to being able to finish my race, and then come back to cheer on all my friends who are running the full!  Whenever I do a race, I always circle back to the finish for at least a few minutes (sometimes longer) to cheer on other finishers, but I'm usually pretty exhausted and out of it, so it'll be nice to have a little down time to catch my breath and recover a bit before going back and cheering everyone in.

And after that, my plan is to take some time off from racing. I've had a pretty busy schedule ever since Gansett last April, and it's been great - some really fun races, and some huge PRs - but my focus now is definitely shifting to Boston.

I submitted my registration Monday morning, and should hear back next week as to whether or not I'm in. All indications are that there are still plenty of spots left, and I feel fairly confident that I'll be standing on the starting line in Hopkinton next year. But I'll feel much, much better once I know that for sure.

And if I am running Boston next April, I'll be back in full-on training mode at the end of December, so I want to give myself some real down time. I haven't been on a training schedule this summer, but I've still been working pretty darn hard, and I think it will be good for me to back off for a month or so, so that I can go into my Boston training feeling refreshed and ready. 

I'm already getting excited just thinking about it. As soon as I sent in my registration, I started exploring the BAA website, and perusing training plans. I have a pretty huge goal in mind, but I'm still a little nervous to say it out loud.

And even though I know my name isn't going to be there yet, I still keep checking the list of entrants, hoping it's going to pop up. Hopefully, in a few more days, it will.

I was so burned out after running Hartford and Gansett just 6 months apart, and last April, the last thing I wanted to think about was training for another marathon. And not being beholden to a training schedule like that all summer has been so wonderful, and so freeing.

And it did exactly what I wanted it to do - it gave me a break, and made me enjoy running again, and gave me enough of a rest that I'm now really looking forward to being back on a schedule and checking off my workouts as I complete them, and counting down the days to April 15.

I've got the schedule, I've got the plan - now I just need the official registration. Keep your fingers crossed for me.....!

Easing Into Fall

I'm still having a hard time letting go of summer. Yes, I like being back in a regular routine, and we're getting back into the swing of things with homework and soccer and sticking to schedules again, and it does lend a certain stability to our days and weeks. 

But nearly every single day since school started, I've found myself either driving by the beach, or taking walks with Carmine along the seawall. I can't stay away. We're planning an afternoon of boogie boarding this Saturday, once soccer games are over, and I can't wait to dig my toes into the sand.

The big boys are adjusting well to school, and happy to be seeing friends every day. We had a meeting yesterday morning about Gabe's 504 plan, though, and one of his teachers told me that Gabe said to him the other day that he wished he were at home because he missed his mom. He almost never says anything like that, so it nearly broke my heart.

Not much has changed with his 504 accomodations, but we're all in agreement that this is going to be a challenging year for him - more homework, and more expected of him in general. I feel confident that he's up to the challenge, but it's going to take a village - which is why I'm so happy we have one. His teachers and aides are all so amazing, and they do such a fantastic job with him. We are so fortunate to be at such a great school.

One thing in particular that I've noticed, and his teachers have noticed, is that he seems to be very aware now of the things he struggles with. He understands that he has more trouble focusing than other kids do, and that he's more easily distracted than other kids are, and that he sometimes finds himself feeling like he's physically unable to stop doing something (fidgeting, humming, tapping his pencil) even though he knows he shouldn't be doing it. And there have been times, both at home and at school, that he's said things along the lines of "I hate my brain," or "I wish I didn't act this way."

Those are things you just don't want your kids to say. I almost feel physical pain in my heart when he talks like that. So these are the kinds of things that I'm going to make sure we talk about when we have our next few appointments with the therapist.

He's not a big talker, especially when it comes to emotional issues, but he really enjoys our appointments and definitely opens up a little more in that setting, so I want to take full advantage of that and make sure that he knows he's a smart, funny, fabulous kid who can overcome these challenges and do anything he sets his mind to.

Dante, as usual, is our roll-with-the-punches little guy, and is loving first grade. He is also Carmine's partner in crime, and the two of them have a really special relationship that's very cute to see. Dante loves to get Carmine out out of his crib in the morning, and I love to listen over the monitor and hear the door open and Carmine yell "Hey Dante!!!" 

The two of them also love to curl up in our ottoman. It's the kind where the lid lifts off so you can store things inside, and they line it with blankets and pillows and sit in there and call it their "boat."

Carmine, as usual, is just busy trying to keep up with his brothers. He's becoming slightly more adventurous with eating, as long as he can dip everything he eats into ranch dressing (which he calls ketchup - actually, 'kepchup').  He and Dante are definitely simpatico when it comes to food - they were both dipping grapes in ranch dressing the other day. Luckily Carmine will also eat several servings of steamed broccoli that way - that's the only vegetable he'll eat, but it's a good one, so I'll take it!

Yesterday I got out one of the three-wheel scooters the boys used to ride when they were 4 and 5 years old, and at 2 1/2, Carmine is already a pro. I took him scootering along the seawall this morning, and he was in heaven.

We skipped the gym today, and had nothing else planned besides a trip to the grocery store, so I let him just meander along the sidewalk at his own pace, and it was one of the nicest hours I've spent in a long time.

He scootered; he stopped occasionally for breaks; he pointed out the seagulls and EVERY truck and motorcycle that drove by; he waved hi to people we passed (all of whom got a huge kick out of him); and we just took our time. Nowhere to rush off to, nothing to keep us from lollygagging. It was wonderful. And it was something I realize we need to do more often.

As busy as our schedule is with afterschool and weekend activities, our daytime hours are relatively quiet, and now that school is back in session, it's hitting me that this is my last year of having at least one of the kids home with me all day every day, and I'm feeling like I don't want to squander this time.

Preschool for 3-year-olds is only a few hours a week, but that shift to 'school mode' is still a very momentous one, and signals the true end of babyhood. As long as he's with me 24/7, he's still my baby. Once he's out there on his own, even for just a few hours a few times a week, he's off and running......

Believe me, there is part of me that will thoroughly enjoy the quiet and the freedom of doing things without having a child in tow.

But there's another part of me that's going to really miss having constant companionship - because that companion may sometimes whine and scream, but other times he hugs me and giggles and makes me laugh when he says that something is "doog" instead of "good." Or when I tell him I love him, and he says "Alright."

There's a 'Back to School' mural on a building in town that depicts a group of parents jumping up and down as a school bus drives away. I drove past it with Dante in the car, and with a very confused, sad look on his face, he asked me why the parents were so happy that the kids were leaving on the bus. I told him that sometimes it's nice for mommies when the house is quiet for a little while. 

He said "But don't you miss us when we're at school?"

I assured him that yes, even though it is nice to have some quiet time, I do miss them - very much - and maybe the mural was really showing the mommies and daddies jumping up and down because the school bus was bringing their kids back home.

And truthfully, I think it's a little of both.

Ten Years, Eleven Minutes, and First Place - Shoreline Biathlon 2012

The Shoreline Biathlon was the race that started it all for me - the one that got me hooked on running and racing.

Ten years and 63 races later, I knew I'd beat my old PR for sure, and was looking forward to seeing just how much I had improved.

On the way to the race, driving down Route 1 toward Westerly, I got to see the Firmman half-Ironman athletes cruising through the bike leg of their race. Always inspiring to see - and especially so when I was on the way to my own race!

The other 4 times I did this race, it was very small, so I anticipated the same this year, and figured the turnout might actually be even smaller, since this was their first year back after a 4-year hiatus.

It was indeed small - 45 participants total!  I really like small races like that, though. So low-key, and so easy logistically - no parking hassles, no huge lines for the bathrooms, and just a nice, friendly feel to the whole thing - it's almost like you're just out for a really big group run.

I do hope they get a bit of a bigger turnout next year, though. It's a great little race, and I'd love to see it continue and thrive. There aren't very many duathlons around, and it's a great option for people who want a multisport event without having to swim.

I arrived with about half an hour to spare, so had plenty of time to set my things up and get in a quick warmup run, and without too much fanfare, we lined up, the gun fired, and we were off down the road.

I knew I'd go out too fast on the very flat run course, so I just did what I always do, and used the first half mile to try to regulate my pace and settle into what I knew I could maintain over the next 4.5 miles.

I was successful, dropping from a 6:40 pace to just over a 7:00 pace. I found myself settling in around 7:06, and it felt good, so I stuck with it, hoping I wouldn't crash and burn in the final miles.

There were two other women ahead of me when we first started, but I passed them near the end of the first mile, and never saw them again. And I knew there weren't too many guys ahead of me, either. Like I said, this was a very, very small field, so there was not a lot of competition, but it was still pretty cool to be way out in front like that.

It had been 5 years since I had last done the race, but I remembered the run course like the back of my hand. It's a really nice course along the ocean and through some quiet neighborhoods, and with the exception of two small rolling hills, is mostly flat and very fast.

The weather was great, too. The race starts at 11am, and some years that's meant very warm temps, but this year we were lucky and cloud cover kept it from being too warm. I was sticking to a pace right around 7:06, and still feeling great - even wondering if maybe I was holding back. But I reminded myself that I did need to save a little something for the bike.

Miles 1 - 3 felt fabulous. Working hard, for sure, but feeling great and having fun. Mile 4 was a little tougher, and Mile 5 was definitely a challenge. But I repeated the same thing in my head that I repeat in almost every race, when the going gets tough during that last mile - "You can do anything for just one mile."

I was very happy to run through the chute, and ecstatic when I heard the volunteers shouting to me that I was the first female!

That news was more than enough to get me moving quickly through transition, and I was back out on the road in no time, pedaling and grinning ear to ear.

I hadn't done so much as a single brick workout to prepare for this race, but going from the run to the bike is a little less difficult than going from the bike to the run, so I wasn't too worried. And as I figured, my legs felt a little tired at first, but I quickly shook that off and got into a good rhythm, heading down the super flat first stretch of the bike course.

I was in such a good rhythm, in fact, that I missed the first turn on the course!  Ack!!!! In my defense, I don't think the turnoff was even marked. I should have remembered it, since I've ridden it 4 times before - but, it should have been marked.

Luckily it didn't take me long to realize what I had done, and in the end, I only rode a total of .6 extra miles, but it was enough to get me flustered. I had no idea how far behind me the 2nd place female was, but I didn't want to find out.

As I got myself back on the course, I flew past the few guys who had jumped ahead of me, and after a few minutes of pedaling frantically in an attempt to make up for that lost minute or so, I settled back down and enjoyed my favorite part of the course - a nice flat, smooth ride past vineyards and a golf course and farms. So pretty, and so, so fast!

The only real hills are pretty small, and are over quickly, and before I knew it, I was flying past the finish line and heading into my second 8-mile loop (the bike leg is two 8-mile loops).

I didn't have a lot of company on that second loop, but that was ok with me - I knew that meant that I was still out in front, and I was happy to be there : )  There were a few spots where we hit a decent headwind, but overall, the bike was fast and fun, and I was loving every minute of it, especially since I was maintaining just over a 20mph pace.

As I rounded the final corner and knew I had just about a mile to go, I got down in my aerobars and pedaled for all I was worth, and as I flew into the chute with the time showing just over 1:26, I was pretty certain I had held my #1 spot - and I knew for sure that I had just set an 11-minute PR.

Since it was such a small race, the results were posted and awards handed out pretty soon after. It was nice to go over and see my 1st place finish in writing : ) 

I hung around to see almost all the awards handed out, but since I was paying a babysitter to watch the boys (Scott was up in MA, completing a metric century ride), I didn't want to linger too long.

So, the biggest thing I take away from this race is that I've come a looooooong way since I set my PR of 1:37:29 in 2007. My time for the 5-mile run that year was 46:24, which is a 9:17 pace. This year, I ran the 5 miles in just over 35 minutes - an average 7:10 pace.

And that year, my bike split was about 51 minutes. This year, it was 48 minutes.

Training, hard work, persistence, and dedication pay off - this was definitive proof of that - and the jump in those numbers is what I'm most proud of. The 1st place finish is just the icing on the cake.

I keep feeling like that 1st place finish has to be followed by the addendum that "it was a really small race, and not terribly competitive," so it isn't really quite as justifiable as a 'win.'

But on this day, and in this field, it was a win, so I'm still proud of it. Besides, I'll probably never win a race again in my life, so I'm going to really soak this one up and revel in it.

When I came home with my trophy, the boys excitedly asked me what place I came in, and when I told them first, they asked "In your age group?"  I love that they've never done a race themselves, but they already know about age-group awards.

And I also love that I was able to say "No - not in my age group - first place overall!!!" 

I know they'd be my number one fans even if I came in dead last, but it's fun to give them something big to cheer about : )

The numbers -

1:26:35

5-mile run - 35:55 - 7:11 pace

16-mile bike - 48:39 - approx. 20mph pace

1st female finisher

7th overall

The Year of the Half

After my bizarre, out-of-the-blue allergic reaction Saturday night, I was really hoping to have a great run Sunday morning - one of the ones where I felt healthy and fit and strong the whole time. I needed that validation.

Luckily, I got it. I planned to run 10 miles, but was feeling so great that I ended up running just over 12. And I ran an 8:09 pace. And I felt fabulous the entire time. Good stuff.

Since I raced last week, and am racing again this weekend, it'll be a while before I do track work again, and I feel like I actually kind of miss it. I think I do miss the challenge a wee bit, but more than that, I miss my track partner. Now that school's back in session, and soccer has started, it's becoming more difficult for me to get out to group runs, and I'm missing the company.

Hopefully when I'm back in marathon training mode this winter, it'll be a little easier to meet up with people at least for my weekend long runs. I've done plenty of 20-milers solo, but I'd rather not do it too often, if I can help it.

Last year at this time, I was a bundle of nerves, counting down to Hartford, and wondering if I was going to be able to pull of my BQ time. And this year, I'm a bundle of nerves again - I've got my qualifying time, but since I'll be the last group to have an opportunity to register, it remains to be seen whether or not I'll actually get in before the race fills up.

I'm also a bundle of nerves thanks to the next race on my schedule - the Shoreline Biathlon in Westerly. Back to the race that started it all, 10 years ago - the first time I ever pinned a race bib to my shirt.

I fully anticipate a PR, and I think I even have a shot at an age-group award, so I'm excited to get out there and see what I can do. A little nervous, too, but it's more excited pre-race jitters than anything. I'll never get tired of those : )

I'll be feeling plenty of them come October - the race I've been working up to all summer - 13.1 in Newport, the final leg of the Triple Crown, and what will be my 5th half-marathon for the year.

I have one more half before that - Zooma Cape Cod - but I'm not planning on going all out at that one. The main reason I'm doing it is so I can have a weekend getaway on the Cape with a friend, and get to meet Sarah Bown Shea and Dimity McDowell, the authors of Run Like a Mother, as well as meeting up with some of the fabulous women from the Run Like a Mother Facebook community they've created.  The race is just the icing on the cake : )  I'm not going to run it at an easy pace, but I am going to save the real race pace for Newport.

Since Newport was my first full marathon, 4 years ago, this race is even more special to me.

Not only do I get to go back and run almost the same 13.1 miles that I ran in 2008 (the first half of the course is a little different now than it was then, but does cover much of the same territory), but I get to do it as a now three-time marathoner, a Boston qualifier, and a Gansett finisher. I've come a long way in those 4 years, and I think I'm going to reflect on that as I run in Newport again. 

And I'm also going to reflect on how happy I'll feel when I turn off to the finish chute at the 13.1 mile mark, instead of having to run twice that distance!!!  I'm excited to run 26.2 again next year, but happy to not be running it next month!

Identity Crisis

Last week I had an appointment with my allergist - just to check in and see how things had been going, and if I had experienced any more episodes of exercise-induced anaphylaxis.

We talked about the last two times it's happened - both times, as soon as I started to feel my palms get itchy, I stopped running, and shortly afterward, broke out in hives. One dose of Benadryl helped calm down the hives, and although I had to spend the rest of the day in a Benadryl-induced stupor, for the most part, it wasn't anything more than a nuisance.

So the consensus was that, although this probably will still happen on occasion, it was something that was manageable, and as long as I'm smart and carry my epi-pen and phone, and stop running when I feel the symptoms coming on, it shouldn't turn into anything more serious.

We never discussed what to do if the symptoms came on under any non-running circumstance, because I never considered that to be a possibility. But you just never know what life's going to throw your way.

We got home late last night from a fabulous family picnic in CT, and I was looking forward to a good night's sleep. But as I was laying in bed reading, my stomach felt really unsettled. Seeing as how I ate twice as much as I normally would at dinner, I wasn't surprised, and got up to go downstairs and get some ginger ale. 

I noticed, though, that I also felt kind of 'off.' I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but something just didn't feel right.

And as I walked downstairs, my hands started to feel itchy. At first I thought it was a coincedence. I couldn't possibly be having an allergic reaction just out of the blue. Could I?

But by the time I got downstairs, I knew that's exactly what was happening. And in addition to the itchiness, I felt like my lips were swollen. And my entire head felt tingly and odd.

It felt way too similar to how I felt the first time this ever happened, when I was walking home from the track, short of breath and lightheaded and seriously concerned about passing out on the side of the road.

That's when I freaked out and called Scott to come downstairs and sit with me. This is the only time I've thought that I might have to use my epi-pen, and I didn't really want to be alone.

I had taken a Benadryl, but the hives were spreading, and I was still feeling really weird. I didn't get the lightheadedness and shortness of breath, but I just felt very very strange. I was still hesitant to use the epi-pen, though. If I had experienced any shortness of breath, I would have gotten it out right away, but after a few minutes of laying quietly, I started to feel better. The hives were still itching like crazy, but the rest of the strange sensations were subsiding. 

And about half an hour after it all started, I was pretty much back to normal, and woke up this morning feeling fine. Well - physically, I feel fine. Emotionally, not so much.

I'm now more mystified than ever. Exercise-induced anaphylaxis, I can work with. I can manage it, I can handle it, I can live with it. Competely random, out of the blue, for no apparent reason anaphylaxis - that is not at all ok.

Obviously there's got to be some explanation for it - some food, some lotion, some environmental issue, or some combination of issues - but how the HELL do we figure out what that cause is????  I suppose that's the allergist's job, right? 

I'll be calling for an appointment first thing Tuesday morning, and I suspect I'm about to embark on what could prove to be a long journey to try to get to the bottom of this.

In the meantime, I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm now feeling decidedly uncomfortable in my own skin. I hate feeling like my body is rebelling against me, having these seemingly random freakouts that are at best, a minor inconvenience, and at worst, downright scary.

It's very hard to reconcile that with the fact that I am a relatively young and healthy person, who works so hard to stay in good shape so that I can go out and run and bike and swim and race and be active with my kids. It just doesn't add up. And it makes me so uncomfortable to know that there's this bizarre thing going on that, as of right now, is entirely out of my control.

I have a 10-mile run planned for early tomorrow morning. I'm going to be sure to take an Allegra before I go, and will carry all my supplies with me while I run. But I really, really hope that the run is incident-free. I need to see that healthy, strong side of my body for a while, to reassure myself that it's still there.