Me and The Boys

Accountable

With all the marathon mania around here lately, I've had a hard time sitting down and writing about anything else. But there is plenty of other stuff going on, and our continuing efforts to work on and improve Gabe's behavior are in the forefront.

Scott and I went to see a psychologist a few weeks ago, and while I did find the visit to be helpful, and we probably are going to schedule more appointments, I was a little disappointed to find that she was very pro-medication. Disappointed, and a little annoyed at first, but not surprised.

But I also wasn't swayed in my very firm belief that it's not something we're going to consider at this point. Luckily Scott and I are in agreement on this.

She gave us her whole medication spiel, but also followed it up with a lot of very useful and helpful information about various techniques we can use in lieu of medication, and told us that if we decide we want to continue to work with her, she'd love to have us come in for more appointments, where she can go into much more specific detail about some of the behavior modification programs and how to implement them. 

One of the key points we took away from the appointment - this isn't just about Gabe. It's about our entire family, because his behavior affects all of us. It affects me and Scott's relationship, and our relationship with Dante, and our relationship with Carmine, and Gabe's relationship with everyone.

I think we already knew that, but didn't consciously think about it. Much of our time and attention is often directed toward Gabe - supervising, monitoring, controlling, reprimanding, speculating on whether or not we're handling the situation correctly...   And that, obviously, is time and attention that we can't give to the other boys.

This, I suspect, contributes greatly to Dante's propensity to do everything with incredible enthusiasm and at ridiculously loud volumes. I think some of that is just his personality - he is his father's son : ) - but some of it is also his way of saying "hey, look at me, I'm here, too!"

The bottom line is that when one child diverts attention from the others on a regular basis, it shifts the family dynamic.

And there's no denying that we also sometimes experience extreme frustration with Gabe's behavior, which leaves us very litte patience for Dante and Carmine's shenanigans.

I'm not saying any of this to place blame on Gabe. It's far from his fault. This is who he is, and it's up to us to help him find ways to cope with the challenges he faces, so that he doesn't require so much attention from us, and the dynamic can be a bit more balanced.

It just so happens that some friends recently started using a system called Accountable Kids, and I had considered it when they mentioned it, but never got around to ordering and committing to it.

But after that visit, and after reading a little more about it, it really seemed like a great solution for us, so I went ahead and placed an order.

It arrived last week, and I've spent a few days familiarizing myself with it, and getting the materials ready, and we set it all up for the boys tonight. It seems like a great way to keep them on track without constantly nagging them, and it also seems tailor-made for kids with ADHD, who need nearly constant reinforcement and rewards.

Time will tell if it works well for us, but I have high hopes. We've tried other behavior charts and various methods of rewards, but haven't found any one that we stuck with consistently - and that lack of consistency does not do any of us any favors.

So we'll put this plan into place, and get as much information as we can from the psychologist, and keep working at this.

The other key point we took away from the appointment was this - if we choose not to use medication, we need to be prepared to be 'on' 24/7. Yes, this is part and parcel of parenting in general, but with a child who has ADHD, you have to be even more 'on,' and more aware, and more diligent.

And you have to be prepared to keep at it forever. There's no cure for ADHD, and you don't outgrow it. Like I said, this is who Gabe is.

BUT, it's only one part of who he is. He's also a sweet, funny, silly, smart, and amazing little boy, and we're responsible for teaching him to make the most of his life and be the best he can be.

It's a tall order, and some days I don't feel like I'm up to the challenge, but I'll definitely do everything in my power to make sure I succeed.

Taper, Disaster Boy, and Gabe

Not having to run for 3 hours on Saturday morning makes the day feel so much longer - in a good way! 

I actually did my long run on Sunday this week, opting out of the cold rainy weather we had Saturday. Sunday was so much nicer - sunny and dry, and in the 50s. My fingers are crossed that we'll have weather like that for race day.

The schedule called for 10 miles, but I was enjoying myself so much, I tacked on an additional 2 miles. It's been so long since I really had fun while running - it was lovely : )

I ran on the course again, and thought the entire time about how I'm going to feel as I'm running those miles 'for real.' No matter how slow or fast I run this race, it's going to be an incredible day, and now that I'm down to just 12 days to go, I'm getting so unbelievably excited. I cannot wait to be out there on the starting line.

I know the nerves, and the doubt, and the anxiety are going to kick in soon, too, but for now, I'm going to enjoy the excitement and happiness.

Lots of excitement with the boys lately, too.

They went bowling with Scott last night for their school's annual 'Boys Night Out," and had a great time. Last Friday I got them out of school early to come home for a quick visit with Grammy and Grampy, who had made the trip up to bring Gabe his birthday presents. (They weren't able to be here on his actual birthday, but they did call to wish him happy birthday that night, as did several other family members, and when he picked up the phone, he commented on how many phone calls he was getting, saying "Boy, people must think I'm a hero, or famous, or something!")

Last Thursday night was their school's Arts Night, and we went to tour all the classrooms, which the students had decorated with various ocean-themed artwork. This was very apropos to Dante's current obsession with the Titanic. He's devouring Titanic books from the library, and I can't even keep track of how many very detailed drawings he's made of the ship - complete with cutaway views, showing the bunks in the cabins.

Prior to this, his big interests have been earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes, and volcanoes. I'm sensing a theme here. Going to have to start calling him Disaster Boy.

Tomorrow night is their school production of The Wizard of Oz, which they've been rehearsing for for many weeks now. I can't wait to go see it!

It's also report card time, and parent-teacher conference time, which, when one of your kids has ADHD, can be a kind of stressful occasion.

Gabe's report card was ok, but for the first time, his teachers are seeing evidence that his problems with focusing and paying attention are affecting his ability to learn.

He's always struggled with those issues, but up to this point, he was still able to keep up with the curriculum and do well with his school work and homework, and at every meeting and conference we had, we were always told (and we were of the same mindset) that as long as he wasn't having any problems academically, we shouldn't even consider putting him on any kind of medication.

Now that's changed, and the areas where he's having trouble are no surprise - social studies, science, history - areas where he really needs to stay focused so he can comprehend the information he's reading, or being taught, and take the time to think things through so that he can answer questions and problem solve.

He knows he needs to do a better job paying attention, and he knows it's causing him to not do well on some of his assignments, and he gets frustrated that he can't. His attention wanders, and he has so much trouble preventing that from happening.

We are still very, very reluctant to use medication. Even though he is having some problems right now, I think there's a good chance that, with lots of practice and hard work, he can overcome those problems and develop better study habits. These problems just recently cropped up, and I don't want to immediately turn to medication without exploring other possibilities, and I can say with certainty that it's not something we're even going to consider for the immediate future. I want to exhaust every other option we have first. 

To that end, I'm going to call a therapist in our area who specializes in working with kids with ADHD, and set up some appointments, for Gabe, and for me and Scott. I think it will be helpful for Gabe to talk to someone who can hopefully give him some more strategies for reigning himself in, and also give Scott and I more information on things we can do to help him, both at home and at school.

I've read books, I've pored over websites, and I've implemented so many behavioral charts and systems that I can't even keep track of them all. And they all work to some extent, and we're by no means in crisis mode. I just feel like we could use some help. It takes a village, right?

Ready to Re-Charge

I don't write a lot about how we deal with Gabe's ADHD here, but I am constantly thinking about it. It's a pretty pervasive force in our lives, and I'm always reading and learning and trying out new tactics. And I used to feel like we'd eventually find a system or a method that worked, and all would be well.

But as the days and months and years have gone by, I've realized that there is no single 'solution.' This is something we're going to be working on forever, and every day, every month, every season, every holiday is an opportunity for a curveball to be lobbed at us, just when we felt like things were going smoothly.

I mention holidays, because the Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas season definitely threw us for a loop this year. The levels of hyperactivity seen in this house were like none we had ever experienced before. And although Gabe is the one who was diagnosed with ADHD, Dante is a very silly, rambunctious 6-year-old, and is definitely a force to be reckoned with, too, and the two of them feed off of each other, so it's very much a group effort!

And I will be the first to admit that my reactions are often (very, very often) not the calm, soothing, controlled response that they should be. I struggle with my own issues in regards to all this, and just as Gabe's behavior has highs and lows, so does my capacity for dealing with it.

The seasonal chaos spilled over into school a bit, too, which was our real concern. There was no real bad behavior - nothing harmful, nothing mean-spirited, nothing that would even raise a red flag if it happened once in a while - it was just a constant struggle with not waiting to speak out in class, and making unnecessary noises (humming, etc.). Generally being a distraction to the rest of his classmates, and not being respectful of the classroom rules.

Like I said, nothing that would cause much concern if it was a rare event, but it was happening EVERY single day - and his classmates were complaining about it. And as I looked back at his daily calendar (which has color-coded symbols to reflect his overall behavior each day), I saw that the problems started right around Halloween, and continued right through Christmas break.

My memory isn't great, but I'm fairly certain I recall a very similar pattern last year. And as it did last year, the behavior seems to have magically corrected itself now that the holidays have finally come to an end.

So now that we've seen and dealt with this pattern of behavior two years in a row, I'm going to literally write something in my calendar for next October, to remind me to put some extra systems in place for that time of year, to try to keep us all on track.

That time of year is tough on me, too - my mind is buzzing with a million things to get done, and my patience runs thinner and thinner as the holidays draw closer and closer. So a reminder to all of us to be mindful of those factors, and work really hard to keep them from sabotaging our daily routines, will be a good thing.

I'm also making some changes now that I hope will stick with us throughout the year, one of which is less TV time. In the holiday rush, I got lazy, and often let the boys watch TV when I was busy with housework and projects (which was a lot of the time). I'm not against TV, but it had gotten a little out of hand - as evidenced by Carmine walking in the house, hopping up on the couch, and demanding to watch "Mickey! Mickey! Mickey!"

One idea I'm trying is my version of an "idea jar." Instead of a jar, I got an envelope, glued a magnet to the back, and stuck it on the fridge. Inside the envelope are tickets with ideas for things to do. Some are just ordinary suggestions - Legos, watercolors, Matchbox cars - but there are a few different ideas, too - write someone a letter, read a book and draw a picture about what you read.

It's a small thing, but when there's an hour 'til dinner, and everyone is bouncing off the walls, and also complaining that they "don't know what to do," I no longer have to come up with an idea on the spot - they can choose one for themselves. Last night all three of them happily painted watercolor pictures for a good 45 minutes. It was lovely : )  And not having the constant background noise from the TV made me feel calmer, too.

I also signed us up for this program - The 10-Day Family Recharge - which looks fabulous. I don't think we need to completely overhaul our lifestyle, but I do think some reminders will be good for all of us. Reminders to really appreciate each other, and try to not get too caught up in the insanity that is our daily life. It is a bit insane, but it's awesome, too, and it's all too easy to lose sight of that as you're yelling at your 6- and 7-year olds to get their gloves on so we don't miss the bus and your 2-year-old is sobbing for Daddy, who just went to work.

I don't anticipate major changes, but I do anticipate subtle ones. Hopefully a little more patience on my part. Maybe a little less bickering between Gabe and Dante (hey, I can dream, can't I?) 

I guess the big thing I'm hoping to get out of it is a small shift in my way of thinking. I spend too much time focusing on the million lists I'm constantly making in my head - what I need to do, and where we need to go, what we're planning next month, and the month after that - and not enough time just being with my kids and enjoying the crazy, funny, sweet little boys they are. A little more connection, as they really start to grow up and tackle some of the tougher things life is going to start throwing at them. A little more calmness, so that they know if they have a rough day at school, home will always always always be their safe haven. (I think they know this already, but it bears repeating and reinforcing).

In any case, I think it will be a fun experience for all of us, and I'm excited to get started next week - after my first 20-miler on Saturday, for which the temperatures are going to be up near 50 - thank you, Mother Nature!!!!!!

Highlights From The Past Two Weeks

First - I got LASIK! I can now see without the aid of contacts or glasses, and it is quite simply one of the most amazing things I've ever done. The procedure itself was a piece of cake. I was a little nervous, but the Valium they gave me helped tremendously with that : )  And it was all done in a matter of minutes - literally. I slept for a good portion of the afternoon, am strictly adhering to my regimen of eyedrops, I go for a followup appt. next week, and all is well so far.

I feel great, and my vision is wonderful. I expect the novelty will wear off eventually, but for now, I still get kind of excited to just look up and read a street sign, or glance at the tv, and read something, knowing that it's my eyes reading it all by themselves. And not having to deal with the maintenance of contacts is a treat, too - not to mention how dry and irritated the contacts had been making my eyes. When I was considering getting it done, everyone I talked to who had had it said the same thing - "best thing I ever did."  And now, I would say exactly the same. I still find myself reaching for my glasses when I wake up every morning. And then I smile, because I don't need them anymore!!!

Gabe and Dante got their report cards, and all was just as we expected. They're both doing fine. Dante is exactly where he should be academically, and aside from getting a little too goofy and silly sometimes, he's a great student and has lots of friends and has adjusted very well to Kindergarten.

Gabe is excelling academically, and as we knew, still struggling with maintaining focus and not speaking out of turn. These are the ongoing challenges for him, and that will probably remain true for some time to come. We're fortunate in that it isn't affecting his academics, and I'm hopeful that we can help him get these issues under control before it starts to affect his ability to learn. And at this point, it isn't causing a major distraction for the rest of the class, although his teacher did point out that he's noticed that some students have expressed that they don't want to sit next to Gabe because he is a bit of a distraction for them - and they're also worried that his behavior is going to end up getting them in trouble.

This makes me a little sad, but in a way, I also think it might be a good thing. I don't ever want him to feel like he has to change who he is to make people like him, but this isn't about changing who he is - it's about adapting to the classroom rules and being a respectful member of the community. And I'm kind of hoping that a little taste of peer pressure might give him some more incentive to work harder at controlling his impulses. That being said, I don't want it to get to the point that he feels excluded or ostracized. I'm counting on his teacher to alert us if things seem to be headed in that direction.

On a more positive note, his teacher mentioned how impressed he was with Gabe's creative writing, which was not surprising to hear, but still nice to hear. He is quite the writer, and I love to read his stories, and that's something I think we need to encourage him to do more - as long as he's not doing it at 10:00 at night!

Carmine is our little monster, growling and yelling and generally acting very much like a two-year-old. When we walk into the karate studio for Dante's lesson every week, Carmine throws a punch and yells 'aaiiyahh!' 

He's picking up on everything now, and is getting smarter by the day. We have a new tradition now, too. When it's naptime, he likes to wimper and say 'no, no, no,' even though he loves to nap, and usually sleeps for a good two hours. So when he starts to protest, I tell him that we need to go upstairs and find Mickey. So he puts his hands up to his mouth and yells "Where are you, Mickey?" and we head upstairs and peek around the corner of his room, and he grins and says "boo!"  Then we scoop up Mickey, he gives him big hugs, I give Carmine big hugs, then he gets all snuggled in his crib and talks himself to sleep.

I'm fairly certain he's going to be another night owl like Gabe, too, seeing as how he often stays up until 9pm (and a few times, even later!), just talking and singing and playing in his crib. It's all perfectly fine now that he's in his crib and can't get out, but once he moves to a big-boy bed and can get up, I fear that we're really going to be in for it. This is why we will not be moving him to a big-boy bed until he figures out how to get out of the crib, which will hopefully not happen for a long, long time. 

The upcoming holiday has everyone in quite a tizzy. Gabe and Dante are off the wall - so much more rambunctious than usual, and that's saying something, because they're pretty rambunctious even on their quietest days. I'm at the point now where I just want Christmas to get here, so that all the anticipation and craziness can be over! 

We're bringing them to see Santa this weekend, and they also have the Christmas pageant at church on Sunday - Gabe is an angel, and Dante is a shepherd - sure to be a very cute performance.

The gifts are wrapped, and cookie baking is underway, and as much as they boys are driving me crazy, I do enjoy sharing the holiday excitement with them. I didn't buy them a ton of presents this year, since we got them a Wii. We've been holding out for a while, but decided we'd finally cave and get them one this year. I cannot wait to see the look on their faces when they open it. They're going to be blown away, since we keep telling them that they won't be getting video games for a long, long time. I love surprises : ) 

Melancholy

Gabe and I had our big night out last night. Dante will have his night out with me next week.

I don't know how often we'll do this, but I think at least once every couple of months - and if we're able, maybe once every month, especially based on how much fun Gabe and I had last night.

We went out to dinner at one of his favorite local restaurants, and then went bowling. He was so cute. He was sooooo excited, from the moment we left the house. He didn't stop talking the entire time we were out, and many times during the night, he hugged me and told me that I was the best mom ever. The only real problem with all of this is that, when we got home around 8:30, he was so excited and wound up that he stayed up for hours. When I went upstairs to get Carmine in the morning, Gabe's bed was full of Legos and paper and markers, and stories that he had been writing. I have no idea how late he was up, but his little brain was clearly in overdrive!

Anyway, it was just so apparent that he was thrilled to be out with just me. No Dante. No Carmine. No Daddy. Nothing taking my attention from him. And now that we've done this once, I can see how important it is that we make time for outings like this, regardless of how busy our schedules are.

Gabe has made a lot of progress in school this year, behaviorally, and they're doing an amazing job managing the problems that had crept up as a result of his ADHD. And we've been working really hard at home to replicate that success, and we've definitely seen improvements at home, too.

The biggest change for me, though, has been with my attitude and my outlook. I used to feel like everything with Gabe was a challenge or a struggle. I know parenting isn't easy, but with Gabe, it always felt like it was a lot tougher than it should be.

But I don't see it that way anymore. The ADHD does add a different level of challenge to parenting him, and requires different tactics and techniques. But if you can figure out the right ways to approach a situation, and you're prepared for the things that can (and usually will) go wrong, it's so much easier to remain calm and collected.

Having that approach has changed everything for me, and it's definitely changed the relationship that Gabe and I have. I've always loved him to pieces, and there was never anything really 'wrong' with the way we related to one another, but in some way, for a long time, I felt like there was a black cloud hanging over us. It was almost like some annoying background noise that just wouldn't go away - that sense that it was always a struggle, and always would be. It frustrated me, and exhausted me, and made it hard for me to focus on what a great, awesome, sweet little boy he is.

And, intuitive kid that he is, I know that he picked up on that vibe, and I won't go so far as to say that it damaged our relationship, but it did have an affect on it. But fortunately, that cloud is gone, and I don't feel like its affects were lasting.

So having some special one-on-one time with Gabe last night seemed extra special. We didn't talk about anything momentous, but it was so great to hear him talk - and to really hear him, instead of trying desperately to hear him talking above the sounds of a baby crying or a 5-year-old yelling. We just chatted and enjoyed each other's company - and had a few giggles when I made some typing errors putting our names into the bowling scorer, and his name ended up as GXAE, and mine ended up as OMMY. He called me "Ommy" all night : ) 

Definitely a fun time, and I'm looking forward to taking Dante out next week.

And since Carmine is completely done nursing at night now, it's a lot easier for me to do stuff like this with Gabe and Dante. Which, I suppose, is a good thing, and although it still makes me a little upset, I'm feeling a little less sad about it than I was earlier this week.

What's got me feeling melancholy, though, is how much he's acting like a big boy now, in so many other ways.

When we go to the gym, he insists on walking in, and he likes to carry his little snack bag. He's so ridiculously adorable walking down the hallway carrying his little bag. He stops and waves to people, and goes marching right into the childcare room and goes over to his favorite friend - one of the women who works there - and reaches to be picked up so he can give her a hug.

He's super snuggly and huggy, just like Gabe was (and still is). And as he gets older, we see more and more of Gabe in him - both his appearance, and his personality. He has a lot of the same mannerisms and facial expressions that Gabe had - I almost do a double-take sometimes, they look so much alike - right down to the little curls at the back of Carmine's neck, that are identical to how Gabe's hair looked at this age.

Carmine also walks with us out to the bus stop every morning and every afternoon, and he gets so excited when he sees the bus pull up. He waves his arms and yells and smiles : )  

It's so cute, and so fun, to see him starting to really figure out his world and beginning to understand how things work - but so bittersweet, too.

Snow, Snow, and More Snow

As I posted on my Facebook status update today, I am running out of ways to complain about the snow. I'm done. Done. Done. Sick of looking at it, sick of driving in it, and sick of having it tracked all over my floors.

This month has been absolutely brutal. If it's not snowing or sleeting, we're stuck with frigid temperatures. I've done several weekend runs on the treadmill, due to the slush and snow that will probably be on the roads until May, at the rate we're going!  The cold doesn't bother me, but the icy/slippery roads make me nervous. The last thing I need is to slip and fall and get hurt. The treadmill runs have been tolerable, but I'm hoping the roads are a little more clear soon, so that I don't feel forced onto the treadmill too much more.

I've run twice in my orthotics, and they feel pretty good. Still being conservative, but I may try to fit in three runs this week, but still keep my mileage at or under 12 for the week. Feeling really good about the Super 5K next weekend, and very excited, but very nervous, too!!!!

Carmine and Dante both had their annual checkups yesterday, and both are nice and healthy, strong, growing boys. Carmine weighs 21lbs 5oz, and is just over 29 inches tall. Dante weighs 44 lbs and is just over 44 inches tall. I have no idea what the percentiles are, and I really don't care - they're healthy, and that's all that matters : )  

Dante did such a great job - answered all the doctor's questions, and was very chatty (no surprise there!), and didn't cry at ALL when he got his two shots. Such a brave little guy!

Carmine was a good patient, too, showing off all his tricks - he can now wave (he waves with both hands, though - it's so cute!), clap, and do "so big."  He's also becoming very opinionated, and lets you know, in no uncertain terms, when he's not happy about something. He's getting particularly opinionated about what he eats, and is feeling very strongly that he wants to eat what we're all eating. And if you give him a goldfish, but he decides he'd rather have a bite of the yogurt you were also feeding him, he'll just sweep the goldfish onto the floor and grunt.

The boys, of course, think this is hysterical. Which, of course, makes Carmine do it even more. Mealtimes just keep getting more and more interesting.....

Speaking of interesting - with the forecast calling for yet another 6 - 10 inches of snow overnight, I'm gearing up for another snow day tomorrow. If the snow ends super early in the morning, we might end up with only a delay, but I'm not counting on that. I'd rather plan for being home with the boys all day, so that's what I'm preparing myself for.

I'm actually going to write up a schedule of activities for us, and kicking it off will be a treasure hunt. I was at Target a few weeks ago and found some Kung Zhu stuff on clearance - tunnel pieces and houses for just $2 each - so I picked up a few of them, figuring they'd come in handy at some point, and that's proven true even sooner than I thought it would. But instead of just giving them the stuff, I'm going to make them hunt for it. I'll come up with some riddles to point them to various spots in the house where I've hidden the boxes. I think they'll get a kick out of it - and it'll kill some time, too!

In the midst of all this weather, we're also proceeding with the addition of a new bedroom above the garage. It's been in the planning stages for a long time, so it's really exciting to see it actually happening!  It's looking fantastic, and I'm so happy that we decided to do this, rather than move - I love our neighborhood and our yard so much, and didn't want to give those things up, even for a bigger, nicer house. It's going to be a little bit of an inconvenience while construction is going on, but so worth it in the end.

So that's where we are - healthy boys, lots of snow, and construction in progress.

Two things I forgot to write about the past few times I've blogged -

Dante sang a song for me a while ago - while playing his guitar, of course - and I asked him what the song was called, and he told me it was "Hawaiian Ninja Bears."

I've been doing a lot of reading about ADHD, and am feeling much more informed and ready to deal with this. I still want to read more and learn more, but it's really making me feel good to be educating myself about this. Knowledge is power, right?

And as I read, and learn more, and begin to try to put some of the suggestions into practice, I am finding myself focusing far less on the things Gabe does wrong, and far less on the problem areas. Instead, I'm finding myself remembering how adorable and charming he is, and how funny he is, and how lovey and cuddly he is, and how his face lights up with pride when he knows he's done a good job with something. It's not all about him - it's just as much, if not more, about us, and our attitude, and how we behave, and how we handle this.

And when it's all said and done, I consider myself lucky that this is all we're dealing with, because there are so many parents who have much harder roads to travel. Our road certainly won't be easy, and it won't be without obstacles, but we have a healthy beautiful little boy who we love to pieces, and I know we'll be just fine.

ADHD

I honestly can't even remember how much I've written lately about some of the struggles Gabe has had in school, but it's something we've been dealing with since he started preschool two and a half years ago. No major issues, but a lot of little stuff - trouble concentrating and staying focused; rushing through tasks and/or not completing them; inability to sit still/constantly fidgeting; very impulsive/lack of self-control.

Almost right from the beginning, I suspected ADHD, but since a lot of those behaviors are also characteristic of a lot of 4-year-old boys, we didn't jump to any conclusions. And in all other respects, preschool went great - Gabe just always required a lot of extra one-on-one attention and supervision.

Fast forward to Kindergarten. New school, new teacher, same issues. He entered Kindergarten with an IEP that outlined some of these concerns, and thankfully he is at a wonderful school and had an absolutely amazing Kindergarten teacher, and a great support system from his occupational therapist and the school's special services coordinator.

Aside from a few incidents, Kindergarten went well, and academically, he was at the top of his class - reading, writing (although his writing is very sloppy, he organizes his thoughts very well), and math skills at or above grade level. It went so well, in fact, that he was no longer eligible for his IEP, so that was no longer in place when he began 1st grade. 

Even without the IEP, though, his 1st grade teacher was doing a fabulous job keeping him on task and helping him stay organized throughout the day. It's a very small school, so she knew Gabe, and knew exactly how to help him.

In spite of her efforts, though, there were a few weeks in late fall that were absolutely disastrous. Gabe was being very disruptive in class, yelling things out, making lots of noise, getting out of his seat constantly. It just got to a level where he was getting himself in trouble and having to be sent out of the classroom. Not a good time for any of us.

We had a few meetings with his teacher and the principal, and we all agreed that now that Gabe was almost 7, it was probably time to have him formally evaluated for ADHD. Scott was hesitant at first, but after talking about it a lot, I was able to explain to him that a 'label' like ADHD really isn't a big deal, and really isn't even seen as a negative thing, and that having these issues documented would only help Gabe in the long run, as it will help us ensure that no matter where he goes to school, he'll get the help and extra attention that he needs.

So, as we all anticipated, the evaluation did in fact lead to a diagnosis of ADHD, which means that he now has a 504 in place, which doesn't really change a whole lot at the moment, since his teachers already have lots of systems in place to help him out, and since that awful few weeks earlier this year, he's been doing fantastic.

But, I still feel it was a necessary step for us to take, because eventually he will leave this school, and when he moves on to middle school and high school, it's going to be really important for them to know his history and to know what his needs are - as well as what his strengths are, because he has lots of those, too!

Getting the diagnosis was anything but a surprise - frankly, I would have been shocked if they had said he didn't have any kind of attention deficit. But even though I saw it coming a mile away, it still made me a little sad. It's tough to think that there's something wrong with your child. And I know I shouldn't really think of this as something being "wrong," and usually I don't - it's just his unique personality that can create challenges for him, and our challenge as parents is to help him figure out how to work around the issues, and work through them, and make sure that HE doesn't ever think that there's something wrong with him, because there isn't. He's a smart, funny, lovable little boy, and he just needs a little extra guidance navigating this crazy world we live in.

I got a few books to try to help me understand the whole thing a little better, too, because I know there are things we can do at home that will help him, too. Scott and I both have a tendency to get too easily frustrated with his lack of self-control and his inability to follow directions, and things escalate far too often to both of us raising our voices. And then I always feel guilty afterward. I know everyone yells sometimes, and I don't expect to never do it again, but I don't want it to be the knee-jerk reaction. Not only because it just causes the whole situation to escalate, but because it just creates a lot of bad feelings for everyone.

One of my goals, in line with all this, is to try to make our days at least a teeny bit less hectic. I know that's a tall order for a family with three small boys, but every little bit helps, and I'm not looking for miracles here - just going to focus on the small stuff. First order of business has been simplifying dinner.

I love to cook, and I love to experiment with new recipes and make fun, healthy dinners every night. The only problem is, that takes time - and the time that I need to be doing all that cooking is also the time that Gabe needs to do homework, Dante's getting bored and antsy, and Carmine's getting hungry and crabby. So every minute I'm trying to cook, I'm also trying to attend to all three of them, which inevitably results in someone crying or whining or having a tantrum.

So I'm going to be a little less creative in the kitchen for a while. I'm still going to cook - no pre-packaged junk for us - but the meals will be simpler and faster to prepare. I've been using this tactic for a few weeks, and there's still some chaos and whining, but there's a lot less of it.

And the nicest thing is that I've found myself with at least 45 minutes almost every day to just sit down and hang out with the boys before dinner, and we've been having so much fun during that time. It's so nice to have some time in my day where I'm not rushing around trying to do stuff, and instead I'm just able to be with my family. I need more of that.

So that's where we are. Reading, educating ourselves, and trying to make small shifts in our behavior, not only for Gabe, but for all of us. We could all use less rushing around, less craziness, and less stress in our lives, so maybe getting this diagnosis has been a blessing in disguise.

At the end of a long, busy, crazy day, Scott and I sometimes look at each other and sigh and remind each other that "They're good kids - they really are."  They are good kids, and we love them to pieces, and that's the one thing that we''ll make sure they never forget.