Me and The Boys

It Always Comes Back To Running

The unofficial start of summer has come and gone, and it brought weather that made it seem more like Columbus Day weekend.

There were a few days last week and this weekend where I was tempted to turn the heat on - but tomorrow it'll be up near 90 degrees (with high humidity), and we'll almost definitely be putting on the A/C.  Never a dull moment here in New England when it comes to weather.

With those temps forecast for later in the week, and rain forecast for this morning, I knew Tuesday would be the best day to get in my track workout, even though I really didn't feel like it. I went for my first bike ride of the season Monday (finally!!!), and enjoyed a lovely 22-mile ride.

But I was a little concerned that, even though my legs didn't feel really sore from the ride, they might not feel too peppy when I hit the track. And they did feel a bit sluggish during my 2-mile warmup.

My goal was 3 x 1600 at approximately a 6:30 pace, but as I was warming up, I honestly didn't know how I was going to be able to run anything other than the easy, slow 8:40ish pace I was currently running. And I toyed with the idea of just continuing right past the track, running a few more easy miles, and calling it a day.

But as quickly as that idea came into my head, I knew it wasn't going to happen, because I'd never forgive myself for backing out of a workout just because I didn't 'feel like' doing it.

So I hit the start button on my Garmin, and off I went. 1600s are easier than shorter repeats in that you aren't running quite as fast, but since you've got 4 laps to complete, it's much harder to pace yourself correctly, and I started way too fast, with the first lap at just over a 6-minute pace. I slowed a bit for the remaining 3, and finished my first mile in 6:36, and surprisingly, felt pretty good.

As I ran my recovery, I was marveling at the fact that a few minutes earlier I didn't think I could possibly run any faster than an 8:40 mile, and here I had just run a 6:36 and felt ok. It's amazing what the body can do when you just give it a little push.

My next two repeats, I was able to pace myself much better, starting a bit slower and speeding up for each successive lap, and running those two miles in 6:30 and 6:26.

Now I was tired. The final lap of that third 1600 was tough. But I wasn't completely spent. And I wanted more of that feeling of victory. So I set out for one more mile.

Four more laps around, pushing the pace a bit with every single one, wrapping up the mile in 6:21. My fastest mile ever. NOW, I was done. And I was happy.

One of the reasons I'm back at the track again is my goal to run a sub-20 5K sometime this year, and after that workout, I feel more than ever like that goal is within reach. But I know it's going to take more work to get there - more track workouts, and more convincing myself that I can do things I didn't think I could ever do. That's ok, though, because that's all part of the journey.

My running journey is going to take some new twists and turns this summer, too. I had planned on running the second leg of the Triple Crown series in Jamestown in July, but I found out last week that there was an RRCA Coaching Certification course being offered that same weekend in Salem, MA. I've been on the RRCA email list for almost a year now, and have been anxiously waiting for a course to be offered in my area, and I've seen how quickly they usually sell out, so as soon as I saw this one, I jumped on it. I was registered within the hour.

I have a lot of knowledge about running, but it's all based mostly on my own experiences - which definitely counts for something, because I do have a lot of experience to draw from - but I'm excited to back that up with an official certification based on specialized instruction.

And I'm also excited to spend an entire weekend doing nothing but talking and learning about running. Bliss.

I have to admit, too, that the thought of a weekend away is pretty appealing. I don't get a lot of those, and as much as I adore my three insane funny little boys, a couple days by myself does wonders to recharge my batteries.

 

 

We had some family fun over this holiday weekend, though, complete with parties with both sides of the extended family. It always makes me so happy to see the cousins playing together.

And we went to our local parade Monday morning, which, as parades go, is pretty low-key - mostly fire trucks, boy scouts, and a few bands. I was taken aback a little when a float went by playing "Sweet Caroline," and I started crying. It's funny, the things that bring the memories and emotions of that day flooding back so suddenly. It's never far from my mind, but certain sights, and particularly sounds - that song, or the sound of sirens - push it to the forefront very vividly.

It's so great, though, to see how much joy such simple things bring to the kids. Gabe and Dante still get a huge kick out of the parade, for sure, but their joy paled in comparison to Carmine's - he was practically jumping out of his skin, he was so excited. Watching your kids enjoy stuff like that is by far one of the best parts of being a parent.

 

The humor is one of the other best parts. I saw Dante peering in the mirror with his mouth open the other night, and as I walked by, he asked me "Mom, which one is my sweet tooth?" It took all my willpower to not laugh out loud. I can't wait to tell him about that one when he's older.

Carmine, who has always had a thing for any moving vehicle of any sort, is now completely and utterly obsessed with lawnmowers - or, as he calls them, lawnmo-momers. He especially loves the riding mower Scott uses - the "seat lawnmo-momer."  I've assured him that once he's old enough, he'll have plenty of chances to use the seat lawnmo-momer.

He's not quite there yet, but he has mastered the art of pedaling, and whenever he has the chance, is happily riding his bike around and around and around the driveway. Not quite ready for the bike path, but maybe next year.....

As for Gabe - he's getting so big, and although he still mostly acts like a little kid, I see these glimmers of maturity. I love it when it happens - even though it's usually very short-lived - but it also astonishes me.

I can't fathom that my crazy little guy is slowly becoming a real, honest-to-goodness big kid, who will shortly thereafter become a teenager. He's almost as tall as me already!

His soccer season is winding down, and he only has a couple games left, and sadly, his team has not won a single game yet. I'm hopeful that they'll win at least one, but the odds seem stacked against them. It is not for lack of trying, though. They play their hearts out every single week, and it breaks my heart to see them keep losing. Luckily, though, they're still young enough that they move past the losses quickly and resume regular young boy goofing off after the game.

I just keep telling him that, as good as it feels to win, what's most important is going out and having fun and giving it your all.

Fortunately, I can relate my own race experiences - sometimes I do win an age-group award, but usually I don't. But I tell him what I'd tell anyone else, and what I tell myself - knowing I did my best and put in my best effort is truly enough.

I do secretly hope one of them discovers a love of running at some point, but even if they don't, I know that I'll always be able to relate to their athletic pursuits on some level, which makes me happy.

And the lessons I've learned through running have translated to so many other areas of my life, and I know they'll translate into other pieces of wisdom I can pass along to the boys.

You discover so much about yourself through running - it really strips you down to the essence of what you truly are - there's no hiding behind anything when you run. What you do out on the road is who you are, and it's fascinating to see that revealed.

I've also learned that almost everything in my life can somehow relate back to running. I had an abnormality show up on a routine mammogram a few weeks ago, and had to go for a followup MRI - thankfully, the MRI showed nothing of any concern, so all is well : )

The MRI was not the worst medical procedure I've had to go through, but it certainly wasn't pleasant. And as I was laying there, doing everything in my power to remain completely still, the tech came over the headphones I was wearing and told me that the next scan would be the longest - 4 minutes.

As I heard that, I immediately thought - "Four minutes - that's about half a mile. That's not long at all. I can handle that." 

It always comes back to running, and more specifically, to the strength and courage it's brought me.

It defines me, it makes me happy, it makes me healthy, and it makes me feel stronger than I ever knew I was.

It always comes back to running - for good reason.

Races, Soccer, Baseball, and Batman

Things are beginning to feel more normal now, three weeks post-Boston. I still cry at times, particularly when I see images from the day of the race. It's the happy images that make me cry, though - the smiling runners and the cheering spectators and all the elated faces. It just breaks my heart to think about how so much was taken away from so many that day.

The past few weeks I had been reading everything I could get my hands on, and watching news clips constantly. I'm trying to back away from that now, though. I know what happened, and I don't need to keep rehashing it. I think it was contributing to the fog I was in, and I'm happy to be coming out of that fog.

Part of my return to reality was standing at the starting line of a race again, which I've done twice now. Two weeks ago, I ran the RI State Police 5K Foot Pursuit in Narragansett. I ran it last year and really enjoyed it, and even though I wouldn't recommend running a 5K two weeks after a marathon, I've now done it two years in a row and felt fine, so.......

It was a beautiful day, and I knew I was just going to go out and run a good effort. I wasn't expecting to run a PR, but I wasn't planning on just running easy, either, so I lined up at the front of the pack. I had my Garmin, but I didn't look at it a single time during the race - just put one foot in front of the other and ran.

It's a great course - pretty flat, and lots of it run along the ocean, and for being just two weeks out from running 26.2, I had a great day. Ran a 21:40, with almost negative splits - 6:52, 6:58, 6:40, 6:25. And I was tired when I finished, but I felt pretty good - except for the itchy hands, which started as I ran the final .1. 

The second I finished, I took a Benadryl and sat down, and I never got the full-blown scary anaphylactic symptoms, which was good - and I think it was because I sat down right away. I never fully broke out in hives, either - just had some itchiness. So although I was a little frustrated, it wasn't anything more than just a nuisance, so I didn't get too down about it, and even stayed for a short while after the race to chat with friends.

And this past Saturday night, I did a Boston Benefit race put on by the running club, and although it was one of the toughest, hilliest courses I've ever run, I was so glad to be there. It was great to run with friends - all the chatting was a nice distraction from the hills. My god, the hills! 

There was even one insanely steep at mile 5 (the friends I was running with had run this course before, and were referring to this particular hill as "the mountain) that was up a dirt road, which was preceeded by a sign that read "Pass at your own risk," and which was littered with potholes. Fun stuff.

We made it up without twisting any ankles, though, and continued on through one rolling hill after another, until we got to the final hill, which I thought was far worse than the mountain at mile 5. But of course, I just wanted to be done at that point, so I ran as fast as my beat-up legs would carry me.

This is my attempt at a smile, which is more of a grimace, which is actually a much more accurate depiction of how I felt.

I do feel proud that I survived such a tough course, though, and am pretty happy with our 8:43 pace. I had no intention of racing this one, and although I probably could have run a little faster, it would have been utterly miserable, and that's not what I was there for, so I'm glad I ran it easy.

And I'm glad that the event raised close to $600 for the One Fund Boston. I've donated through a few other outlets already, but was happy to contribute more, and especially happy that I was able to do so in a way that was meaningful to me - by running.

This coming weekend is the Cox Providence Rhode Races half-marathon - the kickoff fo the United Healthcare Triple Crown Series, which I'm doing again this year. I'm not sure if I can pull off a PR at this half, but I'm going to give it my best shot. Hoping that my marathon fitness will equate to a speedy half-marathon pace.

It's funny, though - I haven't been doing any kind of speedwork or tempo runs or anything, and as I'm out there running my easy, 8:30 pace for most of my weekday runs, it seems impossible that I could ever under a 7-minute pace - but I did just that at the State Police 5K. And as I finish up a 10-mile run on the weekend, I can't believe that I was at the point where 20-mile runs were routine. And I know I'll be back there soon enough. It seems far away now, but the time passes so, so quickly.

Lots more races to come this summer, and after the Providence half, I'll probably start back up with track workouts and occasional tempo runs. I am thoroughly enjoying running just for the fun of it right now, but I can already feel little hints that I'm going to be ready to start working on building some more speed to get me through my summer races and put me in a good position to start marathon training again next winter.

And in the midst of all this, my three crazy little men are keeping us extremely busy, especially now that spring sports are in full swing. We have two weeknight practices, plus games on Saturday and Sunday, and that doesn't leave us with a whole lot of down time.

I'm thrilled that the boys are enjoying their sports, but it always takes some time to get used to the hectic schedules. This is Gabe's first time on a travel/competitive team, and it's definitely been a learning experience. He's rising to the challenge, though, and it's been really great to see him learn more and develop into a stronger player.

His team has yet to win a game, but they still get out there every week and play their little hearts out, and it's so awesome to cheer them on. I do hope they win at least one game, though. They try so hard! I'm glad he has a great coach, too. They work hard, and they're learning a lot of new skills, but the emphasis is always on fun and teamwork, which is how it should be.

Dante is LOVING baseball, and I have to admit, I'm kind of hoping he sticks with it, because I think it's a fun sport to watch. I love watching Gabe's soccer games, too, but there's just something about baseball games in the summer.....   

He's only 7, so the emphasis is definitely way more on the whole 'having fun' aspect of things, but he's learning a lot, too. And for only having played one season of T-ball two years ago, he's caught on quick, and is doing really well. All the kids on the team still have times where they're daydreaming in the outfield, or goofing around in the dugout, but they're only 7 - they're definitely allowed to still do that sometimes : )

Carmine spent a good week and a half wearing a Batman cape everywhere we went, which made for some really interesting outings.

He wore it to the store, he wore it to the gym, he wore it to my doctor's appointments, and he wore it for our walks along the ocean. It all started when he woke up one day declaring that it was Halloween. I didn't feel like arguing, so I grabbed the cape and he put it on, and that was it. I never thought it would last as long as it did, but it was pretty fun and entertaining, so we were all happy to indulge him.

He's pretty much potty trained, and is all registered for preschool in the fall, and I can't believe what a little man he is. He wants to do everything himself, and he flat out refuses to be pushed around by his big brothers, and is not the least bit shy about telling everyone how he feels - usually very, very loudly. 

April was such a strange month, with the pre-Boston buildup, and the post-Boston emotional roller coaster. In some ways it feels like it all happened months ago, but at the same time, I feel like the whole month passed in the blink of an eye, and I can't believe that we're heading down the homestretch of the school season and before we know it, will be spending our days at the beach.

I'm looking forward to the slower pace that summer brings. We'll be plenty busy with camps and day trips and activities, but it's all fun stuff, so it doesn't feel stressful.

Spring and summer also mean a lot less time on the computer and a lot more time outside - which is as it should be. I do my best to keep up with blogging, but I'd rather be out there enjoying the days with my little guys rather than inside writing about it.

There have been times I've thought about giving up the blog entirely, since I post so much of what we do on Facebook, but I still like having this outlet to really write about things, in more than just a couple sentences.

And I've gotten several compliments on my blog over the past few weeks, so I'm happy that I didn't give it up. I enjoy writing it, and I'm glad there are people out there who enjoy reading it - thanks for sticking with me!

Twenty, Ninety-Nine, and Nine

I was talking to a friend the other day and she pointed out that I seem way less stressed and anxious this training cycle than I did while training for Gansett. And when she said that, I realized that she was absolutely right.

Part of the reason my Gansett training was so tough was that it followed right on the heels of Hartford. I had a couple months off, but that isn't much when you're talking about throwing yourself right back into an intense 4-month training program, with a big PR in mind at the end.

Physically the training went well, but mentally, I was a complete basket case. I was filled with doubt, and I was in constant mental combat with myself, trying to overcome that doubt. And I was just plain tired. Tired of being on a training plan. Tired of having to hit certain paces every time I ran. Tired of not being able to just put on my sneakers and run for the fun of it.

I don't think I'll ever run two marathons in a single year again. I know a lot of people do it and they handle it just fine. But for me, personally, it was just too much.

But since I had a whole 9 months between running Gansett and beginning my Boston training, I went into it ready and excited to tackle the miles and cross off the workouts. And aside from a few hiccups, I've maintained a decidedly positive attitude the past 13.5 weeks, which has been a nice change.

As I head into this weekend and my final 20-miler, despite the ickiness of the past week's allergy incidents, I'm still feeling good, and feeling especially happy that this is my final 20-mile run. I'm hopeful that it will go well (especially that it will be incident-free), but even if it doesn't, I know that I've got 4 other 20-mile runs under my belt, all of which went better than I ever could have anticipated.

But I'm not alone in having something to celebrate this week - Gabe and Carmine have some big milestones, too.

And Carmine's is actually one that I get to celebrate with him, because it's as much a milestone for me as it is for him - he is now 99% potty-trained!!!!  After 9 years of changing diapers every single day, I am so, so close to never changing another one again. There are no words to adequately express how happy this makes me.

He's still happy to be confined to his crib at bedtime, though, and I'm in no hurry to change that!

People have asked me what I did to make it happen so quickly - it really only took about 4 days - but I didn't do much at all. I started putting him in underwear, we stayed close to home for a few days, and he basically did it on his own. Sure, I gave him incentives (in the form of jelly beans), and I encouraged him and congratulated him, but I basically just got lucky that I seem to have picked the exact right time, when he was really ready for it. Timing is everything!

For Gabe, the milestone is his birthday - the ninth one, to be exact. As with all of the boys as their birthdays approach, I'm kind of dumbfounded as to how so much time has already passed.

My 'baby' - I admit, I'm tearing up a little, looking at this picture

He clearly looks like a 9-year-old now, and sometimes he acts like one - but the male stereotype definitely holds true with him, and he is in no danger of acting too mature for his age.

Thankfully, he's having one of his best years of school ever. I attribute this entirely to his teachers, as they have done an absolutely amazing job keeping him as focused as possible, and helping him work to his full potential - something that is becoming harder for him, given his ADHD and the increasing complexity of the types of things he's learning about.

We are facing some tough decisions in the upcoming year - namely, whether or not to keep him at his current school through the 5th grade, or to pull him out and have him move to the middle school (which is 5th and 6th grade) for 5th, so that he's entering that environment at the same time as all of his peers, rather than coming in as 'the new kid' in 6th grade.

I think there are pros and cons either way, but for someone like Gabe, we're more inclined to believe that it would be better for him to be with that same group of kids for two full years - and to have those two full years in the middle school setting.

Transitions typically do not go smoothly for him, and this is going to be a doozy of a transition, and I fear that if we wait until 6th grade, by the time he's finally settling in, it'll be time for him to move on again to the junior high school for 7th and 8th.

What makes me sad (and nervous), though, is the thought of taking him out of this incredible, nurturing, small, fun, and vibrant community that he's been so fortunate to be a part of for the past 4 years. I know it's going to happen eventually, but there's a part of me that wants to let him spend that one additional year there, where I know he'll flourish.

That's not to say that I think he's not going to do well in middle school - but it's going to be a vastly different experience, both for him and for us, and although he's got an IEP in place to help us all navigate the waters as we make these changes, I still worry about how well that's all going to translate in the 'regular' public school system.

Two or three years ago, this all seemed like it was so far off, I didn't spend a lot of time thinking about it. But now it's right on our doorstep, and like everything else that comes up with these boys of mine, it all seems like it's rushing forward far too quickly.

When you're living this life with three young kids, and you're caught up in the day-to-day, and some days it seems like it's all you can do to just survive 'til bedtime, it's hard to remember what they were like years, and even months ago. And it's just as hard to imagine what they'll be like months and years in the future.

Six years ago - look at those adorable rosy cheeks : )

I took Carmine to a park a few weeks ago that happens to be right next to the high school, and it was an unusally warm day, and there were a bunch of teenage boys sitting outside the cafeteria eating their lunch. As I watched them, it occurred to me that it really isn't going to be very long before Gabe is one of those boys. And Dante, too. (not Carmine - I just got him potty-trained - I still have some time before I start thinking of him as a teenager!!!)

And even though the inevitability of that stares me in the face every day, as I watch them outgrow their clothes, and read ever-more-complex books, and eat me out of house and home - I still can't think of them as anything but the age they are at this very moment in time.

I suppose that's a good thing. Because even though at this very moment in time, Gabe is a master at testing the waters of back talk, and honing his skills as the exasperated and always put-upon oldest child, he's also still more than happy to curl up on the couch and hold my hand, and to dance around the living room (with not the least bit of self-consciousness) with Carmine, and to wear bunny ears at Easter.

And he's also the boy who, because he was so excited last night about his birthday, was in his bed sobbing at 9:30pm because he was sure that he would "never, ever get to sleep because he had three thousand thoughts running around in his head." 

That nearly brought me to tears, and I spent 15 minutes sitting on his bed, rubbing his back until his eyes closed and his breathing slowed and he fell asleep.

I know that we very soon will be entering a phase where he's going to encounter a whole lot of problems that I can't really solve, so I took great comfort in being able to solve this one.

Three-Year-Olds Are Funny

I gave the boys mini Snickers for a treat after dinner one night, and when Carmine asked what it was, I told him it was a Snickers. He pressed it to the front of his shirt, and got very angry when it fell, shouting "It's not sticker - it won't stick!"

The past few times I've taken him to the doctor, it's been a nightmare - squirming, pushing the doctor's hands away, yelling, shaking - all-out terror. So I braced myself for the worst at his 3-year checkup a few weeks ago, and was very surprised when he did absolutely GREAT!  He cooperated, he smiled, he laughed, and was downright pleasant and agreeable. And when he was all done and the doctor was getting ready to leave the room, he threw his hands up in the air and yelled "I DID IT!!!"  So cute to see them so proud of themselves.

He loves, loves, loves sledding!  We spent a good hour sledding the other day, and he trudged back up that hill with his sled every single time, commenting as he got to the top - "I'm good climber, Mommy."  And the whole way down, you can hear him yelling "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!"  : )

Whenever we put on an episode of Phineas & Ferb (his favorite show), he watches the opening credits, and then yells excitedly "Oh, I LOVE this one!" - with the same level of enthusiasm for every single episode. He's definitely Phineas & Ferb's number one fan. He even has conversations with Phineas when he's up in his crib at 'naptime,' during which he usually just plays and sings and talks. He seems to now be on an every-three-or-four-day nap schedule. 

At 38 inches tall, he's clearly big enough that he could climb out of his crib if he wanted to, but he has zero interest in doing so. The other day, I actually caught him trying to climb IN the crib. Not a bad problem to have.

I went the other morning to get him out, and as soon as I opened the door to his room, he said "Mommy, Gabe was a skeleton." After some more talking, I realized that he must have had a dream that Gabe was a skeleton. Creepy - but also fascinating that he remembered the dream and was talking to me about it. We talked about how dreams aren't real, and they're just something that happens when you're sleeping. I have no idea if he understood that - it's kind of a tough concept for a 3-year-old - but he's mentioned it a few more times, saying "Dream is all gone. Dream was in my bed." I'm just hoping he doesn't hold a grudge against his big brother for coming into his dream and scaring him!

We made a snowman during one of our recent snowstorms, and as we got ready to put on his accessories, Carmine yelled "Now put his hat on, so he can talk!"  Guess he was paying attention when they watched Frosty at Christmastime.

I was making banana bread with chocolate chips the other day, and snuck him a few chocolate chips, and as he was sitting at the table eating them, he commented "Hey, they're like little Santa hats."  So now he asks me for "Santa hats." I think I'll let him keep calling them that for a while longer : )

As we left the gym the other day, I realized that I had forgotten my coat, so we walked down to the fitness room, which I don't think he's ever been in. We went in to grab my coat, and he was in awe of all the machines and the noise, and asked me a lot of questions as we made our way back out to the parking lot. And as we talked about how people were exercising in there, he commented "You live in there, Mommy."  Not quite, but we're there so often, it probably feels like that to him! 

We went last week for his preschool screening, and it was so funny to see him go through all the little games and tests they do. He does everything with such enthusiasm and flair and personality. He really has a serious amount of charisma, and it blows me away sometimes. And watching him in that classroom setting, I just couldn't believe that next year at this time he'll be in school a few mornings a week - on his own, learning, making friends, and continuing to grow up at a rapid pace.

It does make me a little melancholy, but mostly it makes me proud of him, and excited for him. He's so ready to discover the world, and I can't wait to watch that process start to unfold.... 

Appointments and Birthdays and Winter Training

Still trying to wrap my head around the fact that my baby turned three yesterday!  I am 100% certain that I am done having babies, so I'm honestly not all that melancholy about missing the baby days - it's more just disbelief that three years have gone by so quickly.

He looks like such a big boy in this picture!

He's really coming into his own, now that he's a full-fledged toddler/soon-to-be preschooler. He enjoys bossing everyone around, and we spend much of our day reminding him to say "please" and "thank you." He also, for some reason, calls the news "Monday." We don't watch the news very often with the kids around, but do sometimes turn it on to catch the weather forecast, and whenever we do, he yells "Hey, it's Monday!"

As a regular at the gym daycare, he walks around like he owns the place, and lately when I come to pick him up, he points to the door and tells me to "go walk over that way" - his way of saying he's not ready for me to be there yet. It'll be interesting to see what that translates to when it comes to dropping him off at preschool in the fall.

Scott brought him to the gym last weekend, and when he arrived to pick Carmine up, the staff told him that Carmine had been walking around saying he had "voices in his ears." Cue the 'Twilight Zone' music.....  or 'The Sixth Sense' music - either way, although I know it was just him babbling nonsense phrases, I have to say it creeped me out a little!

Like any kid, he's got his little quirks and idiosyncracies (hopefully hearing voices in his head is not one of them!), and some of them are a little OCD-ish. When we get in the car, I put his cup in the cupholder, and the other day he completely freaked out because he wanted it turned around so that the spout was facing a certain way. And if he's putting a book or toy away, he'll often place it down somewhere, start to walk away, then run back and reposition it ever so slightly, and say "there, that's better!"

And like his big brothers, he's loud and crazy and all about roughhousing. The three of them spend a good majority of their time in a pile on the floor, pushing and pulling climbing all over one another and laughing hysterically. It almost always ends with someone getting hurt, but it's fun while it lasts.

With his birthday following right on the heels of Dante's, we're all a little partied and cake-d out over here. Well, the boys probably aren't, but I am! 

Carmine loved Dante's cake - at his very young age, he already knows all the 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid' characters, and when he saw the cake I made for Dante's party, he yelled "Zooweee MAMA!"  He was pretty excited for his Perry the Platypus cake, too. As much as I love making (and eating) fun cakes, I'm thankful we have a little break before Gabe's birthday at the end of March.

I had been hoping that we'd enjoy another unusually warm (and snow-free) winter this year, but so far it hasn't panned out that way. It hasn't been awful, but it has seemed colder and snowier than last winter, and this week has been particularly tough - lows in the single digits, and wind chills making it feel even colder.

The cold typically doesn't force me inside on the treadmill - I'm willing to bundle up and get out there, especially for a long run that would be especially torturous on the treadmill. But snow and ice are definitely a deterrent for running outdoors, which is why I was at the gym for my track workout the other day.

Speedwork is actually one of the things I don't mind doing on the treadmill. The intervals break up the workout nicely, and you don't have to worry about maintaining the correct pace - you press the buttons and you're forced to keep up! 

The schedule this week called for mile repeats, and I crushed it - 6:44, 6:39, and 6:37. And I would not go so far as to say they felt easy, but the pace for all of them - including the last one - felt almost comfortable. THAT was a confidence-boosting workout for sure!

This week has also been an appointment-filled one for me.  Today was my orthopedist appointment, which I was anticipating to be kind of just a formality - I had a good idea of what was going on with my hamstring/glute/piriformis, and felt pretty certain that the prescription would be PT.

And I was right. The doctor did note that, without an MRI, it's tough to pinpoint precisely what's going on, but her diagnosis was either gluteus medius tendinopathy, or some type of piriformis strain - doesn't really make much of a difference, since they're both literally a pain in the butt, and the remedy for both is almost the same - deep tissue massage, stretching, icing, ibuprofen, and any other exercises my physical therapist recommends.

Given how much better it's felt just since I started doing my own regimen of foam rolling and tennis ball rolling and stretching at home, I'm confident that with the addition of PT, I can get through this training cycle and still go after my PR in Boston - and that makes me a very happy runner : )

Friday is my trip to Boston for a second opinion on my exercise-induced anaphylaxis. Those of you who read this blog regularly might have noticed that I haven't mentioned any kind of allergic reaction in a while, and that's because I haven't had one since November 23rd. I haven't wanted to talk about it with anyone, because I'm afraid I'll jinx myself.

It definitely has me wondering if the colder weather has something to do with me not having had a reaction in two months. And I'm also wondering (and hoping) that maybe the condition has just mysteriously ended, as suddenly as it began?

I've heard of that happening to people, and I've always hoped it would happen to me at some point. But the thing is, I'll never really have any way of knowing if it's truly just 'gone,' or if I'm just enjoying a long respite from any type of reaction, so I don't know if I'll ever feel comfortable running without my safeguards (epi-pen and phone) again.

As I've said before, though, it's a very small burden to bear, so I need to remember to count my blessings and be thankful that I'm able to get out there and do what I love to do.

Just over 11 weeks to go......

Christmas 2012, And The Big S-E-V-E-N

Christmas 2012 highlights -

Carmine taking great delight in opening his presents, and then taking great delight in attempting to open everyone else's presents, as well. In his eyes, if it was wrapped, it was fair game. Even hours after we had finished with all the presents, he was searching the living room, looking for "nuh-nuh present to open." He actually asked me to today if he could open more presents. I guess after 4 solid days of celebrating, he started to think that opening presents was something we were going to do every day now.

Gabe waking up at 4am Christmas morning, but - miracle of miracles - laying quietly in his bed reading until 5:30am!!!!  He kept apologizing for waking up so early. I assured him that if he was going to just read quietly in bed, I didn't much care what time he woke up.

Dante repeatedly asking if he could have a "Russell StoveN" candy.

Carmine helping himself to many, many chocolate Santa candies. I thought I might be able to get away with having a bowl of chocolate on the dining room table. I was wrong.

Dante almost literally bouncing off the walls with excitement. He was just a blur of constant motion and noise in the final few days before Christmas. It doesn't help that his birthday is three days after Christmas. It was the Tasmanian Devil meets the Road Runner meets a sound effects machine. Wheeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Carmine asking us over and over if he could watch "shiny nose," aka Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. And since he's been sick with a horrible cold and cough for the past three days, and we're indulging pretty much his every whim, he's watched "shiny nose" many, many times - and has also eaten chocolate Santas with breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And he may have had birthday cake for dinner last night.

Legomania - The boys got more Lego sets this year than ever - which is awesome. I love Legos! Timeless, classic, and a toy that they will always, always go back to. Also, a toy that kept them occupied for countless hours on Christmas Day. So cool to watch them follow the instructions and assemble very complex pieces all by themselves - the pride on their faces when they see the finished product is priceless.

Junior geek scientist Dante - For Christmas, he received a Dinosaur fossil kit, a rock/mineral identification kit, Magnet Science kit, a metal detector, and a Zoetrope. For his birthday, he received an electrical science kit and a microscope. And he loves them ALL!

Carmine yelling "Merry Christmas Everyone!"

Our third and final Christmas celebration wrapped up yesterday, and was a combination party, since yesterday was also Dante's 7th birthday. I always feel so badly about his birthday being just three days after Christmas - like it somehow seems less special, because it feels like it gets lost in the shuffle.

But he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. And since we had all of Scott's family here, it definitely turned into a pretty exciting birthday for him this year.

I have photo albums on Facebook for each of the boys, with one picture from all of their birthdays.  I add to it every year, and I love going back and seeing the progression. It makes me melancholy, but it also makes me proud, to think about and see what sweet, handsome, amazing young men they're growing up to be.

And this year, I paused for a moment to be fully conscious and aware of how unbelievably lucky I am that this seven-year-old boy is here with us, in our lives, happy and healthy, and doing all the things a seven-year-old should be doing.

I rarely make New Year's resolutions, but this year I resolve to remember every day how incredibly fortunate we are - and not just to remember it, but to show it - to act it - to demonstrate it - to live it. Because life is too short and too unpredictable to do otherwise.

Christmas Countdown, Days 6 - 10

We're continuing to have fun with our new Christmas Countdown calendar.

Day 6: Write a letter to Santa.

Gabe has not mentioned anything to us about not believing in Santa Claus anymore, but clearly the thought has crossed his mind. "Dear Santa - Is Rudolph real? Is the Grinch real? Are your elves real? Are Christmas trees real? Is the Island of Misfit toys real? Are Nutcracker books real? Is the Elf on the Shelf real? Well answer them to me by letter too. Ok. I hope you've got a deal. [he's bargaining with the big guy] Merry Christmas. Also what I want for Christmas is on the back. Love from Gabe San Antonio. P.S. Can you also cure my cough?" [maybe Santa will put some Robitussin in his stocking]

Dante, on the other hand, is very practical and gets right down to business. "Well Santa I want a ceaboard [keyboard] for Christmas. And Carmine well he might want a ball for Christmas. And my Dad might want some tolls [tools]. And my mom might want an Alex and Ani bracelet [he's been listening!]. And my brother might want a palled [pallee is what they call their stuffed animals]. Santa Merry Christmas and Happy new year. From Dante. To Santa."  I love how he makes sure that Santa knows what we all want, instead of just writing his own list. That's very Dante : )

Day 7: Bake and decorate sugar cookies.

This is one of their favorite Christmas activities every year. The aftermath is slightly horrifying  - it looks like someone dropped a bomb full of sprinkles in my kitchen - but I've learned to embrace the mess in the name of fun. It was great to see Carmine really getting in on the action this year, too : )

 

Day 8: Decorate the tree outside.

We now have a very festive 7-foot evergreen in our backyard, the bottom half of which is beautifully decorated with ornaments.

Day 9: Have snowman pancakes for dinner.

I saw this idea online somewhere, and I knew I had to do it. The boys were thrilled. Pancakes, bacon, chocolate chips, marshmallows, and whipped cream for dinner - what's not to love?

Day 10: Dante chooses his favorite dinner. No photo for this one, but we enjoyed some delicious pizza that night!

Carmine is fully into the whole Christmas experience this year. We haven't gone to visit Santa at the mall yet, but we did stop and say hi to him there one day. Well, I said hi, and Carmine sat in his stroller, positively dumbfounded and unable to say a single word - and anyone who knows Carmine knows that that's saying something, because even at just under three years old, the child is not afraid to speak his mind.

We saw Santa again last weekend, at a local nursery, but this Santa was on a tractor - double excitement for my tractor-loving little boy! We took a ride on the barrel train with Santa driving, and the boys all got candy canes. A very unique and fun Santa sighting, for sure.

And of course no Christmas season would be complete without the myriad of Christmas shows which, thanks to our DVR, we can now watch over and over and over and over and over again.

I also took Gabe and Dante to see "A Christmas Story" at the movie theater last weekend, which was super fun. One of my all-time favorite christmas movies, and they absolutely loved it - and it was of course way more cool to see it in the theater, with popcorn, and with no distractions. And the other day at home we watched "Elf" - another favorite of mine. It's always so fun when you can start to share these slightly more grownup movies with them, and see them appreciating it for the very first time.

Dante mentioned to me yesterday that he might like to go see The Nutcracker some time. I told him we can't go this year (too late to get tickets), but maybe next year that could be a special Christmas thing for he and I to do. I'd be thrilled!

I'm not a huge ballet fan, but The Nutcracker is a fabulous show, and I kind of assumed that since I had three boys, I'd be missing out on that experience. But if he's into it, we'll get all decked out and go next December!  I think he'd really enjoy it - he seems to really and truly appreciate art and music, and that would be such a cool thing to share with him. And his commentary, I'm sure, would be priceless. He already told me that the ballet is "like with puppets, except they're real people."

Carmine's favorite song is "The First Toymaker to the King," and he can also often be heard in his crib at nighttime singing "Jingle bells, jingle bells, HEY!"

He's suddenly talking a lot about being scared of the dark, and of the shadows in his room. And the other day we had a thunderstorm (bizarro weather for December), and he said he was scared of the "unther." I guess this is the age at which fears really start to crop up. The strange thing is that neither Gabe or Dante were talking much at all when they were this age, so it's such a different experience for me to hear Carmine telling me plain as day what's scaring him, or what he's thinking about.

His level of communication at this age is probably not all that advanced, but to someone whose other two kids were very late talkers, it's positively astounding to me. And I'm so, so thankful that he is talking so well. I don't always like what he says - such as when he tells me to "Stop talking - I'm saying something!" or "No, I can't not do that!" - but even when he's being less than polite, it's still nice to know that he's able to get his point across. 

There's no mystery as to where he learns how to be fresh, given that he gets plenty of 'lessons' from his big brothers. There are times where I am honestly terrified at what it's going to be like a few years from now, when there are real, far more serious issues for us to butt heads on, which is why I try very very hard to choose my battles now, when the stakes are not quite as high.

And for all his efforts to assert themselves and be 'big kids,' and make their own decisions, they're both still sweet little boys who, whether they know it or not, are happy to have a mommy and daddy who look out for them.

Gabe definitely does have moments where he realizes this, and he has not gotten too old to tell me I'm the "best mommy ever," so I soak up that gem every time I hear it.

This Christmas has served to illustrate to me very clearly that he is on the brink of maybe not believing for much longer. His 20 questions to Santa is one example. And his illustration of the "Christmas Devil" is another. (Actually, that's probably just an example of the fact that he's watched too many Tim Burton movies.) 

But he said something a few weeks ago that also told me that, even when he doesn't believe in Santa anymore, and even though he's more than happy to point out to you every single toy in the Toys R Us flyer that he wants for Christmas - the meaning of Christmas isn't lost on him.

We had gone on the Polar Express train ride in Woonsocket - a pricey, but FABULOUS event that, aside from Carmine screaming at the top of his lungs (happily, but still screaming) and literally trying to climb over the seats, was a really awesome time for all of us, and I'm so glad we did it.  

On the train, in addition to having hot chocolate and some of the best sugar cookies I've ever eaten - even better than the ones I make! - every child received a special jingle bell from Santa.

As we rode home (the bells safely stashed out of the children's reach for the 50-minute car ride home, so that Scott didn't go insane from the sound of jingle bells and drive the car off the side of the road), Gabe commented "When I heard that bell, I felt the true meaning of Christmas - it's family, fun, and love."

By George, I think he's got it! 

Because This Blog Is About Me AND the Boys

I haven't written much about the boys lately, mostly because they are all changing so quickly I can hardly keep up.

Carmine is on the verge of turning 3, and although I have a hard time not thinking of him as my baby, he most definitely is turning the corner toward full-fledged toddlerhood (and soon to be preschooler!). I still can't quite wrap my head around it, but he reminds me of it constantly - mostly with his nonstop chatter.

He is very much like Dante, in that he starts talking when he wakes up in the morning, and he doesn't stop until he falls asleep at night. At the rare moments when he's not talking, I get concerned about him.

He very generously offers me a running commentary of his day. "I'm not cold anymore, Mommy. I take my coat off, Mommy. I sit on couch now, Mommy. I play my guitar now, Mommy." He also keeps me apprised of the time - pointing to the clock and saying "It's time o'clock, Mommy."

The two of us were on our way home from Newport last month when the car broke down, and it was quite an adventure, and I have to say, he proved to be very good company as we waited on the side of the road. We chatted, and he asked me many, many, many times about the car - "Car won't go, Mommy? Awww, darnit, cheese cracker!"

And now that the car has been repaired, every time we go out to get in the car, he asks "Ours car is back now?" I guess he just wants confirmation of that very obvious fact.

Gabe has gotten Carmine hooked on his favorite radio station, too - every time we're in the car, Carmine asks me to put on 93-3. And he's now in the habit of walking around listening to my old iPod. He's even getting the hang of working the buttons. And when he saw the cover of a book called "Corduroy Goes to the Doctor," with a picture of Corduroy wearing a stethoscope, he pointed to it and said "Corduroy have iPod."

He also is under the impression that everything in the world is his. We drove past a farm, and he yelled from the backseat "I see my cows!"  And when we were in Maine a few months ago, Gabe and Dante were walking my Aunt and Uncle's dogs, and Carmine kept asking "Where's my dog?"

He loves to play pretend - much more so than either Gabe or Dante did - and I get a big kick out of it. He'll make his stuffed animals dance and walk around and hug each other. And when he wants to have them go to sleep, he doesn't just lay them down - he lays them carefully on their side. He did the same thing with his tractors one day, too. Because everybody knows that tractors sleep on their side.

Like any kid his age, it doesn't take a lot to make him happy - evidenced most especially the day he discovered pockets. He got his hand into one of the pockets on his pants, smiled, and yelled "Hey - this a pocket!" 

He walked around like that for a few minutes, then, lo and behold, he discovered that there was one just like it on the other side. He quickly shoved his hand in that one and yelled "Hey - this ANOTHER pocket!"  Life is pretty great when you're almost three.

Trick-or-treating was quite an experience. Last year it took him a little while to figure the whole thing out, but this year there was no learning curve whatsoever. He was sprinting from house to house, bounding up the stairs, knocking on doors, and yelling "TRICK OR TREAT!!!!" It was hysterical!  And as we went from one house to another, he kept peering in his bag and telling me "Yook (look) Mommy, I got all these candies!!!!"

I love seeing him grow up, and seeing him get smarter every single day. But I will be sad when he leaves behind some of his baby talk/mispronunciations. My favorite one is "doog" for "good." I love to ask him how his meal is, just becuase I like to hear him say it's "doog." And when I ask him where something is, he points and says "There IS it!"

He's so polite, too - he'll try eating things that I know he doesn't like, and he'll very carefully take a teeny tiny little bite, while enthusiastically telling me "This is doog, Mommy." And then he'll quickly spit it out onto his plate. I give him serious props for trying to be nice!

Dante has always been a bundle of energy, but as he approaches his seventh birthday, his already excessive energy levels have absolutely exploded, and he honestly can't contain himself most of the time. He's constantly whirling, jumping, spinning, skipping, bouncing, running, hopping, twirling, dancing, or otherwise in motion.

And all of these motions are accompanied by noise. Sometimes nice noises, sometimes very not-nice noises, and sometimes indescribable noises. It's like living with a sound effects machine. And much of the time, I don't think he even realizes he's doing it.

He's sort of a cross between the Tasmanian Devil and Winnie the Pooh - crazy and in your face, but also still so loveable and sweet. It's a very delicate balance!

He continues to amuse us with his very unique outlook on the world. I think I need to put together a book just filled with Dante-isms. He remarked to me one day - completely out of the blue - that it would be good "if you were allergic to camels, because then you wouldn't have to worry too much about it, since camels really aren't around here."  An odd thing to say, but you can't argue with his logic.

He also asked me to take a picture of him and put it on Facebook, "so that he could be famous." I obliged, adding that one picture to the hundreds of others of him that are already on Facebook. Famous, indeed : )

Gabe is planning to gain fame through his writing. He has notebooks chock full of stories. "Diary of a Wimpy Gabe," as well as his own takes on "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "Harry Potter."  His writing is pretty impressive, too. Dialogue, cliffhangers, accompanying illustrations - he's got it all.

I'd be much happier if he did all this writing during the day, though. His preferred creative time is at night, and he's often awake until 10pm. We try to make sure his lights are out by 9, but sometimes he sneaks the light back on. I'm not crazy about him being up so late, but at the same time, I can't force him to go to sleep, and if he's sitting in his bed and writing quietly, I don't see any reason to get too upset.

After having a few kind of rough weeks at school, he seems to have really turned things around, and is getting many, many good reports sent home. Last week we even got a call from the principal to tell us what a GREAT week Gabe had. I was honestly almost in tears, I was so happy to hear that.

We still struggle with a lot of things at home, though. Lots of problems with listening and paying attention, not following directions - and one of the biggest issues - instigating. He has a terrible habit of stirring up trouble. So many times, Carmine will be playing quietly, not bothering anyone, and Gabe feels the need to go over and get in his face and get him all riled up - either angrily, or just crazily and goofily.

And of course once Carmine gets going, Gabe and Dante get going, and before I know it, I've got a three-ring circus on my hands (remember I described Dante as part Tasmanian Devil?  Carmine's got a little bit of that in him, too).

I try so, so hard to keep my cool, but when all three of them are bouncing off the walls, that is a very tall order. It's something I'll continue to work on, though. And I know that I can't be expected to be calm and patient all the time - nobody's perfect, and we all get frustrated and angry sometimes. But it is something I want to work harder at.

They're a crazy bunch, and they test my patience, and life truly is a three-ring circus most days - but they are also growing into very smart, funny, interesting little people, and I'm so lucky to be their ringleader.

Teachers

People often comment on how Carmine acts so much older than his age, and I always explain that he has two older brothers from whom he is learning everything - the good and the bad.

For example, they've taught him:

- how to scream. He is a champion screamer. Sure, he probably could have figured this one out by himself, but their instruction has brought his screaming abilities to a whole new level.

- that farting and burping is funny. No, not just funny - it's rolling-around-on-the-floor hysterical.

- how to smack someone on the butt. Cute and funny when he does it to them. Not so cute and funny if he decides to do it to a stranger in the grocery store. (Hasn't happened yet, but I'm on the alert every time we're in public).

- that playing with toys almost always involves some form of fighting, smashing, crashing, or throwing. Oh, and screaming, too.

- that one must never walk anywhere. One must always run, jump, skip, hop, or stomp. All while screaming.

- how to shake his booty, while singing "shake your booty." This one, I have to admit, is actually pretty funny.

- to open his mouth while eating, so he can show everyone his half-chewed food. This is almost as hysterical as burping.

- what appears to be a special brotherly code that says that one brother must never walk past the other without punching, poking, kicking, bumping, or otherwise disturbing him. This completely unnecessary bodily contact is then immediately reciprocated, and almost always turns into either a fight or a round of wrestling. And sometimes as a bonus, you get some screaming, too.

On the flip side, they've also taught him -

- that even though burping and farting is hysterical, your giggling should always be followed by "excuse me."

- how to ride a scooter (at 2 1/2!!!).

- how to play catch.

- how to say "Thanks Mommy!!!" when handed a drink or snack.

- how to make sand castles and splash in the waves and chase seagulls at the beach.

- how to get in and out of his carseat by himself (and have almost taught him how to buckle himself in!)

- how to clear his plate and put it in the dishwasher after he's done eating. (Hopefully he'll soon learn how to do this without spilling stuff all over the floor between the table and the dishwasher. He still gets an 'A' for effort, though.)

Most importantly, though, they've taught him that he's a super fun little kid who his big brothers completely adore (even though he drives them crazy sometimes).

I know Gabe and Dante will always look out for each other, but I also know that both of them are always going to be especially protective of Carmine.

When the three of them really get each other going, their combined craziness can push me right over the edge.

But they can also make me laugh like nothing else can.

Way back when, before we had any kids at all, I used to hope we'd have a little girl at some point, but when I see my three little guys together now, I am so happy that we didn't.

Gabe said it best about two years ago, when I was filming a video clip of Carmine doing something funny. We were all sitting at the kitchen table laughing hysterically, and Carmine, having no idea whatsoever what was so funny, was laughing right along with us.

In between fits of giggles, Gabe paused and sighed and said "It's really fun having a baby brother."

He may not be a baby anymore, but that's ok, because he just gets more and more fun : )

Easing Into Fall

I'm still having a hard time letting go of summer. Yes, I like being back in a regular routine, and we're getting back into the swing of things with homework and soccer and sticking to schedules again, and it does lend a certain stability to our days and weeks. 

But nearly every single day since school started, I've found myself either driving by the beach, or taking walks with Carmine along the seawall. I can't stay away. We're planning an afternoon of boogie boarding this Saturday, once soccer games are over, and I can't wait to dig my toes into the sand.

The big boys are adjusting well to school, and happy to be seeing friends every day. We had a meeting yesterday morning about Gabe's 504 plan, though, and one of his teachers told me that Gabe said to him the other day that he wished he were at home because he missed his mom. He almost never says anything like that, so it nearly broke my heart.

Not much has changed with his 504 accomodations, but we're all in agreement that this is going to be a challenging year for him - more homework, and more expected of him in general. I feel confident that he's up to the challenge, but it's going to take a village - which is why I'm so happy we have one. His teachers and aides are all so amazing, and they do such a fantastic job with him. We are so fortunate to be at such a great school.

One thing in particular that I've noticed, and his teachers have noticed, is that he seems to be very aware now of the things he struggles with. He understands that he has more trouble focusing than other kids do, and that he's more easily distracted than other kids are, and that he sometimes finds himself feeling like he's physically unable to stop doing something (fidgeting, humming, tapping his pencil) even though he knows he shouldn't be doing it. And there have been times, both at home and at school, that he's said things along the lines of "I hate my brain," or "I wish I didn't act this way."

Those are things you just don't want your kids to say. I almost feel physical pain in my heart when he talks like that. So these are the kinds of things that I'm going to make sure we talk about when we have our next few appointments with the therapist.

He's not a big talker, especially when it comes to emotional issues, but he really enjoys our appointments and definitely opens up a little more in that setting, so I want to take full advantage of that and make sure that he knows he's a smart, funny, fabulous kid who can overcome these challenges and do anything he sets his mind to.

Dante, as usual, is our roll-with-the-punches little guy, and is loving first grade. He is also Carmine's partner in crime, and the two of them have a really special relationship that's very cute to see. Dante loves to get Carmine out out of his crib in the morning, and I love to listen over the monitor and hear the door open and Carmine yell "Hey Dante!!!" 

The two of them also love to curl up in our ottoman. It's the kind where the lid lifts off so you can store things inside, and they line it with blankets and pillows and sit in there and call it their "boat."

Carmine, as usual, is just busy trying to keep up with his brothers. He's becoming slightly more adventurous with eating, as long as he can dip everything he eats into ranch dressing (which he calls ketchup - actually, 'kepchup').  He and Dante are definitely simpatico when it comes to food - they were both dipping grapes in ranch dressing the other day. Luckily Carmine will also eat several servings of steamed broccoli that way - that's the only vegetable he'll eat, but it's a good one, so I'll take it!

Yesterday I got out one of the three-wheel scooters the boys used to ride when they were 4 and 5 years old, and at 2 1/2, Carmine is already a pro. I took him scootering along the seawall this morning, and he was in heaven.

We skipped the gym today, and had nothing else planned besides a trip to the grocery store, so I let him just meander along the sidewalk at his own pace, and it was one of the nicest hours I've spent in a long time.

He scootered; he stopped occasionally for breaks; he pointed out the seagulls and EVERY truck and motorcycle that drove by; he waved hi to people we passed (all of whom got a huge kick out of him); and we just took our time. Nowhere to rush off to, nothing to keep us from lollygagging. It was wonderful. And it was something I realize we need to do more often.

As busy as our schedule is with afterschool and weekend activities, our daytime hours are relatively quiet, and now that school is back in session, it's hitting me that this is my last year of having at least one of the kids home with me all day every day, and I'm feeling like I don't want to squander this time.

Preschool for 3-year-olds is only a few hours a week, but that shift to 'school mode' is still a very momentous one, and signals the true end of babyhood. As long as he's with me 24/7, he's still my baby. Once he's out there on his own, even for just a few hours a few times a week, he's off and running......

Believe me, there is part of me that will thoroughly enjoy the quiet and the freedom of doing things without having a child in tow.

But there's another part of me that's going to really miss having constant companionship - because that companion may sometimes whine and scream, but other times he hugs me and giggles and makes me laugh when he says that something is "doog" instead of "good." Or when I tell him I love him, and he says "Alright."

There's a 'Back to School' mural on a building in town that depicts a group of parents jumping up and down as a school bus drives away. I drove past it with Dante in the car, and with a very confused, sad look on his face, he asked me why the parents were so happy that the kids were leaving on the bus. I told him that sometimes it's nice for mommies when the house is quiet for a little while. 

He said "But don't you miss us when we're at school?"

I assured him that yes, even though it is nice to have some quiet time, I do miss them - very much - and maybe the mural was really showing the mommies and daddies jumping up and down because the school bus was bringing their kids back home.

And truthfully, I think it's a little of both.