Me and The Boys

Happy Mother's Day To Me

Spring has finally, finally sprung, and I am so happy about it! Due to marathon training and post-marathon emotional upheaval, I was several weeks late in getting our veggie garden started, but last weekend I got most of our crops planted.

I took the easy way out this year and got mostly plants, rather than starting things from seed. A little more expensive, but still delicious and tasty homegrown veggies, so it's all good.

So far, I've planted several varieties of lettuce - red leaf, romaine, Boston, and arugula. I also got two 6-packs of spinach plants, because we go through a ton of spinach in this house.

Other things that went in were beets, swiss chard, cucumbers, broccoli rabe (never tried this before, but I hope it does well, because I love it!), zucchini, eggplant, and squash - and a few sunflowers, just because I love to look at them, and the boys love to see how tall they get.

In the coming weeks, I'll also be planting potatoes, tomatoes, onions, and pumpkins. This sounds like a lot of stuff, but we are very lucky to have a huge area for planting, and I also don't plant a whole lot of any one thing. I'd rather have more variety, and it's fun to experiment with a few new things every year.

I also finally put away all the mittens and hats and gloves - what was left of them, anyway - the dozens of pairs of gloves I bought at the beginning of the season gradually disappeared over the course of the winter, until each of the boys was down to one mismatched pair.

And while putting away the winter gear, I pulled out the sunblock and bug spray. As much of a pain as it is to coat everyone up with sunblock, I'd so much rather go through that hassle than the hat/coat/gloves/boots routine every morning. Our getting-out-the-door time is once again totally streamlined, and we can now pull it off in well under 5 minutes!

While I am loving the warm weather, I am also mentally preparing myself for running in it. It looks like I'll get my first taste of it at the half this Sunday, when temps are supposed to be near 70, with relatively high humidity. Since we're running early in the morning, it probably won't be quite that warm, but the humidity will certainly be a factor.

The first few runs will be rough, but I'll acclimate. And I'll continue doing as many early morning or evening workouts as possible, to avoid the worst of it.

With everything being so busy lately, and since it's still just barely 4 weeks after Boston, I haven't given this weekend's half much thought. I usually spend the week before a race consulting pace charts and past race results, to see where I might end up, and what I want to aim for.

But since this is a race I haven't really trained for, and I've just been running easy (aside from the super hilly 18K and the 5K the week before) my mind hasn't been terribly focused on setting new goals.

But I'm getting closer to that point. I'm definitely ready to start putting in some speedwork, and can't wait to get back to the track. And I hope to run a fast pace on Sunday, but although I've felt pretty good these past few weeks, I've also felt a lingering tiredness, and my muscles have held onto a tightness that I've had a lot of trouble shaking.

I will be the first to admit that I probably didn't pay enough attention to proper recovery after Boston, but I think that's understandable, given what occurred. I've tried, these past two weeks, to spend a lot more time stretching, and this week finally got out my foam roller - hopefully that will help loosen things up and leave me feeling a bit more refreshed for the race.

But if it doesn't, that's ok, too. I don't have my heart set on a PR for this one - I just want to go out and run my best, and I won't know until 8am Sunday morning what that's going to be. I was contemplating not wearing my Garmin, but I think I've gotten good enough now at not looking at it too frequently, so I think I'll wear it, but mostly ignore it.

I've had a few people seem surprised that I was running a half-marathon on Mother's Day, but to me, it's perfect -  the best gift I could ever get. That, plus a few handmade cards and hugs and kisses are all this mommy needs.

Happy Mother's Day to all the fabulous, amazing moms out there, including my own. I will never ever be as good at this job as she is, but I'll never stop trying!

Vacation

I've complained about the weather enough these past few weeks, so I won't go on and on about it here, but I do have to say - seriously?  Again?

Luckily I shouldn't have any problem getting in my 20-miler before the snow starts to fall - and we're not even supposed to get that much snow - maybe just a couple of inches. But I'm still sick of it. 

This will be my third 20-mile run - supposed to run this one at an 8:30 pace, which made me nervous when I looked at it a few weeks ago, but managing 18 miles at an 8:23 pace last weekend has definitely increased my confidence.

And knowing that there are 'only' two more 20-milers after this makes me happy, too. The countdown is on!

School vacation week is coming to an end, and we've had a mostly really busy week. We do much better that way - too much idle time makes us all antsy and cranky.

A visit to CT Monday was a nice way to start the break - and Carmine provided plenty of comic relief; yelling at Grampy for eating on the couch, and referring to Grammy and Grampy as "Grammy, and the other Grammy." 

We were back in CT Tuesday, just not as far south - we stopped at Mystic for a day at the Seaport, which we love. They had a lot of special activities planned for school vacation week, and the boys had a blast making music and decorating tiles for a mosaic, and operating an old-fashioned printing press. 

And, of course, lots of fun to be had just playing on and around the boats, both real and pretend -

Before we left for Mystic, the boys had their 6-month dental cleanings, where we learned that it's time for Gabe to have a consult with an orthodontist - and Dante's first consult won't be far behind.

This isn't to say that they're both going to be wearing braces anytime in the immediate future, but it isn't the distant future anymore. Between the amount of food they're able to put away (it seems to increase exponentially on a daily basis), and now the looming prospect of orthodontia expenses, these kids are about to get a whole lot more expensive!

Wednesday morning we saw a great juggling show at our local library (we LOVE our library - they have so, so many fabulous programs for the kids, and all the librarians are so nice - we spend a lot of time there!)

Carmine was, by far, the most enthusiastic audience member. He was literally sitting on the edge of his seat, competely mesmerized - except for when he clapped, hooted, hollered, and screamed every time they finished a routine. Everyone sitting in front of us kept looking back and laughing - his enthusiasm is infectious. Two of his comments were "That's some GOOD juggling!"  and "Wow - that was awesome!"

We weren't done, though - Wednesday afternoon we met up with some friends at Biomes Marine Biology Center, which recently moved into a much larger buiding, and is even more fun than it used to be!

The boys loved all the touch tanks, and after some initial trepidation, Carmine was happily reaching in and petting the skates. And Dante and his friend got to feed a horseshoe crab. Such a cool place, and we're so fortunate to have it close by!

Yesterday morning Gabe and Dante went to Pow! Science! for a Lego Crazy Contraptions workshop, which they loved - that store is another fantastic spot that we are so fortunate to have right in town. I sign the boys up for at least a few workshops every school vacation, and they always have a great time.

After that, though, we all ran out of steam. Carmine hadn't napped all week, and he didn't even fight me when I brought him upstairs after lunch.

And Gabe and Dante occupied their afternoon with video games, TV, and Legos. It was the laziest we've been all week, and we all enjoyed it.

After a more restful day yesterday, we were back out and about all day today. A good 90 minutes of running and screaming at Kids Gym for the boys, and a good 90 minutes of endorphin-generating exercise for me, followed by lunch and carousel rides at the mall, a quick stop at Target (where Dante tried on some very stylish sunglasses - see below), and then back to Pow! Science! for their amazing Hot Wheels track setup. We were there for about half an hour, but they could have easily stayed for several hours. I even sent a few cars around the track - it was pretty cool!

We've had a fun week, but overall, I'm not a fan of February vacation, and I wish they'd do away with it. It's a lot of work keeping three small children entertained for an entire week when being outside isn't usually an option, and I'm feeling kind of burned out. Gabe asked me what we were doing tomorrow, and I told him I have no idea - I'm fresh out of ideas.

And at the moment, all my brain can focus on is the 20 miles I need to cover tomorrow. The 20-milers loom over you as they approach, and I'll feel much better once I have it done and out of the way.

Here's hoping it's one of the good ones!

Halfway

I'm trying. I really am.

Trying to be patient. Trying to embrace the winter wonderland and how beautiful the snow-covered landscape is. Trying to remember that I love cooking fun stuff on chilly winter days (yesterday was beef stew and apple pie - mmmmmm!).  Trying to be creative and keep the kids occupied with fun projects and crafts on the days when we're stuck indoors due to snow and/or ridiculously cold temperatures.

But it's really getting difficult. Some days I'm brimming with good ideas, and we're energized and we get out and about and keep ourselves busy at home, too.

Other days I let the boys watch too much TV and play too many video games, figuring that both the TV and the Wii see very little action during the spring and summer months, so it all balances out somehow - right????

It snowed again last night, and I'm now watching the wind gusts blow the newly fallen snow all over the driveway that I just shoveled. Those same wind gusts, combined with temperatures in the teens, mean no outside time today.

We're pretty hardy folks when it comes to playing outside in all types of weather (I bundled them up and brought them to the park a few weeks ago when it was barely 20 degrees, and they had a blast!), but we have our limits.

We did get out yesterday, though - I made sure of it, since I knew today would be an indoor kind of day, and yesterday wasn't too bad, in relative terms.

There were some light snow showers, and it was chilly, but not frigid, so we bundled up and headed to the beach, where the boys spent nearly an hour throwing rocks. The tide was low, so they couldn't get them into the water, but I showed them that they could bounce their rocks off the other piles of rocks and send them flying down the beach, and that was all the encouragement they needed.

And after doing that for a while, they each filled their pockets with smaller rocks and we walked along the wall to a point where they could drop them over and watch them splash into the water.

The simplest things are sometimes the most fun. And even I have to admit that it was kind of nice being out there with the snow swirling all around us. The beach is such an amazing, uplifting place to be, even in cold weather.

That's why so many of my runs find me at the ocean, too. And I was there again Saturday morning.

After skipping my long run two weeks in a row (one week for a race, and last week due to the blizzard), I was anxious to get back out there and log some miles.

And judging by how well things went, my mind and my body both appreciated the break. I was scheduled to run 18 miles at an 8:30 pace, and I was a little nervous about sustaining that pace for that length of time, but it proved to not be an issue at all. In fact, I frequently found myself having to remember to slow down, and finished the run with an average 8:23 pace - and it felt great!

It was just one of those runs where everything went right. The weather wasn't ideal (gray and cloudy and on the chilly side), but it wasn't awful, either - and I was dressed perfectly, so I was comfortable the entire time.

My fueling was spot-on, and I had watered-down Gatorade in my handheld bottle, and sipped it throughout the run, and it didn't bother my stomach at all.

I had a few negative thoughts when I first started out - feeling suddenly overwhelmed, at mile 1, with the prospect of running 17 more miles. But I got past those within the first few miles, and it felt like before I knew it, I was at 12 miles, eating my second Gu, and almost in the home stretch.

My cranky piriformis/glute was definitely aching for the last few miles, but everything else felt awesome, and the final couple of miles were my fastest of the whole run.

It was also extremely satisfying to finish that run yesterday, because it allowed me to cross off the final workout of week 8 of my training plan, and literally turn the page to begin the second half of training.

Halfway is such a conflicted place to be. It's so awesome to be HALFWAY THERE!!!  WOOHOO!!!!

But at the same time, it's so discouraging to be only halfway there, and to know you have 8 more weeks of this.

Kind of the same way I feel about the weather right now. Only 4 more weeks 'til the first day of spring. But then again, FOUR MORE weeks 'til the first day of spring.... : (

But when I start thinking this way about the training, I start reasoning with myself - yes, there's 8 weeks left, but the last 2 weeks are taper, which, after everything you've done up to that point, feels like a vacation! 

And even the final week before taper is a bit easier than the previous weeks have been - 13 miles seems like a short run when it follows a 20-miler.

So really, it's only 5 more weeks of intense training - 5 more weeks of serious speedwork and seriously long long runs.

And when the countdown is over and all the workouts are completed and checked off, it'll be spring, and I'll be at the starting line in Hopkinton, ready to run my fourth 26.2 - in BOSTON!

And I'll be so, so glad I stuck with it.

And in the meantime, as I ran yesterday, I was feeling so happy and upbeat, I created a litttle list in my head of all the things that I like about running in the winter. I was surprised I was able to come up with 10, but I guess that's another good indicator of what a great run it was : ) 

Eight weeks...........

Christmas Eve Eve

Our Christmas festivities kick off tomorrow - Christmas Eve, and we're wrapping up our Christmas countdown calendar.

Day 16: We made gingerbread houses. For Carmine, this involved way more eating candy than decorating, but that's all part of the fun.

Day 17 was particularly aptly timed - Do something kind for another person. This was the perfect opportunity for us to write letters and draw pictures to send to Sandy Hook. We'll also be making snowflakes to send, and the boys' school is taking up some collections to send to the students, also, so this activity will be continued into the new year.

Day 18 - Read your favorite xmas book with Mom or Dad.

Day 19 - Skype Grammy and Grampy and sing them a Christmas song - I think this was the boys' favorite thing on the whole calendar, even though Gabe was the only one who sang. Dante mouthed the words, and when I asked Carmine to sing, he said "no thanks." He loved talking to Grammy and Grampy, though, and afterward, he commented that "That was fun, seeing Grammy Grampy in their house!"

Day 20 - Do something kind for the earth. They actually remembered to turn lights off that day!!!!

Day 21 - Play a board game with Mom or Dad. Of course we played Gabe's favorite - Monopoly. They played most of it with Dad, while Carmine was napping. I attempted to play with them after Carmine woke up, but it was kind of difficult to focus on the game while Carmine was running around throwing play money at all of us, and grabbing property cards and yelling "This MY nopoly!"

Day 22 - Watch your favorite xmas movie with Mom or Dad

Day 23 - Make reindeer food. We'll do that today, and sprinkle it in the yard tomorrow.

Day 24 - Write a christmas story or poem.

I've moved through the past week with such a mix of emotions. It's been a flurry of activity, and my to-do list has kept me occupied and busy every day, which has been a good thing.

But Newtown is always in my thoughts.

The boys have not mentioned the shooting or asked any questions, and are back into their routine, and are bouncing off the walls about Christmas - as they should be.

Gabe is notoriously bad about talking to us, though, so I have brought it up a few times, just to try to get a sense of whether or not he has questions or feelings he's not sharing. I don't want to keep reminding them about it, but I also want to make sure I can try to reassure him or comfort him if he's got horrible, confusing thoughts in his head that he's not sharing with me.

We try to have them not use the word stupid, and when I brought up the incident the other day, he said "Mommy, I'm sorry, but I have to say that this whole thing is just so STUPID!" I told him that it was very, very stupid, and that this was one time I was ok with him using that word.

And that - that is why this has hit me to the core. These were innocent little kids - kids for whom 'stupid' is a bad word. It still doesn't seem possible that something like this could happen to them.

Every time I walk into Gabe and Dante's school, I can't help but imagine the same thing happening there. I see the faces of those children, and I can't help but picture my precious six-year-old. This post, shared by a friend on Facebook, says so eloquently what goes through my mind every day.

And then I feel guilty, because at least I have my boys to worry about. As heart-wrenching as it is to imagine it happening to me, it is just imagining. It's not real, like it is for so many in Connecticut.

So I've been hugging the boys a little tighter before I put them on the bus. And I've been lingering on the corner, watching the bus as it heads down the street, out of sight.  And I've found myself wanting to drive by the school during the day, just to make sure that everything is ok. And I'm glad it's Christmas break now, and they'll be home with me for an entire week.

I've also been making more of an effort to just be there for them. To put aside my tasks for a moment so that I can give them my full attention. To read an extra book at bedtime. To take the long way home so we can check out Christmas lights. To take 15 minutes and play Legos, even when I have a million other things I could be doing.

All these things - these ordinary things - are still somewhat clouded. In the background, in my head and in my heart, is still fear, confusion, disbelief.

But I know that I'll get through all of that. And I know that in comparison to what the families in CT are experiencing, my problems are miniscule.

I'll be attending a candlelight vigil in town tonight. It seems like such a small thing, but I feel the need to be there.

And on January 19th, I'll be running the Strides for Sandy Hook 5K in Newtown.

At a time where I feel so incredibly helpless, I welcome the opportunity to do something that might spread some good in this community.

I'll donate in whatever way I can, and I'll send snowflakes, and we'll write letters, and I'll take some small comfort in the fact that we're doing what we can.

But for me, the 5K will likely be the most meaningful, because that's the thing that's closest to my heart. When nothing else makes sense, when I need to clear my head and heal my heart, I run. So next month, I'll do just that.

And tomorrow we'll celebrate Christmas Eve with all the cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents, and we'll bask in the glow of being surrounded by, as Gabe put it - "family, fun, and love."

It's always one of my favorite days of the year, but this year it's going to seem even more special.

The Ordinary Is Anything But

This weekend has been something of a refuge. With the boys home all day, we've been unable to have any news coverage on. I think that if they weren't here, I would have found myself glued to it, and although I don't want to stick my head in the sand, I don't think watching it nonstop is a good idea, either.

We talked to Gabe and Dante yesterday, and it went as well as I think it could have. Gabe does seem to have some level of worry/concern about something like this happening at their school, but he didn't seem too terribly scared. I kind of suspect that he's still processing it, though, and I wonder if more questions will come up as a few days pass.

We gave them as few details as we possibly could. There was no mention of the ages of the kids, or how many people died. I can still barely comprehend that information myself.

And it was obviously clear to them that we were upset, but we were calm, which I think was important. As we finished talking, I reassured them that their teachers and everyone at school is always looking out for them, and will do everything possible to keep them safe.

Since Gabe is notoriously bad at talking to us about things that are worrying him, I reminded him today that he could talk to us at any time if he had any questions or was upset or just wanted to talk. He did ask me a few questions - what was the name of the school; what was the man's name who did this; how old was he; why was he so angry? 

When I answered him about the name of the school, I made the mistake of telling him it was an elementary school. We hadn't shared that information with them, and he was surprised when he heard it. And of course he asked the question that we're all asking - Why would someone want to kill little kids? 

What I want to know is - Why do my kids live in a world where they have to ask a question like that?

As the weekend went on, and we existed in this sort of surreal normalcy - putting on a brave face for the kids, and going about our daily routines - I remember thinking that this is sort of how it felt after 9/11.  Everything was in some ways the same - life goes on - but it was also completely and utterly and forever changed.

But 9/11 provoked a very different kind of emotion - it made me question whether or not I wanted to ride the subway to work every day; and made me feel claustrophobic and anxious when I got in an elevator to head up to the top of a tall building. I don't know if I could even call it fear so much as discomfort. Everything just felt unsettling.

This, however, is fear. Heart-pounding, terrifying, nightmare-inducing - especially because it's not myself I'm worried about - it's my babies. 

We went to church this morning, and as they always do, the boys left the service after about 10 minutes to go to their church school classes. I watched them walk out of the room, and from that point until the moment I picked them up, my mind was racing.

I am trying my best not to let my mind go to the places it wants to go, but it isn't easy.

Because I know that if it can happen there, it can happen here. Places that always seemed safe - and that should be safe - don't seem that way anymore.

I also know that I can't live in fear for the rest of my life, though, so when those thoughts start bouncing around in my brain, I work very, very hard to push them out.

It's going to take some time for me to quiet them, though, and I know that being away from the boys for 45 minutes this morning was nothing compared to what I'll face tomorrow morning when I have to put them on the bus. I was up well before 5am this morning, worrying about it.

Clearly, though, it's what I have to do. And for their sake, I'll hold it together and act like nothing has changed. Even though it has.

But one of the blessings of having small children is that, even in the face of emotional upheaval and stress and tragedy and confusion, life must go on.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner have to be prepared and eaten. Activities have to be attended. Books have to be read. Homework has to be done. And holidays have to be celebrated.

It feels wrong to be continuing on with our fun and festivities when I think of the families who will not be able to do these things with their kids. But as a wise friend of mine pointed out on Facebook - "don't feel guilty about spreading joy and magic during the holiday season, we all need it, especially children."

As we enjoyed a Christmas-filled weekend, I tried to remember that. And maybe that's a fitting tribute to those families that are suffering - cherishing the time I have with my kids, and making sure that they know how loved they are, and how much they mean to me - not taking anything for granted, and not forgetting how lucky I am to have these amazing little people to share my life with.

To that end, we continued with our Christmas Countdown -

Day 11: Gabe chose his favorite dinner - nachos

Day 12 - Make a gift for someone

Paint was everywhere, but they loved working on their special projects, and I loved seeing how focused and concentrated and proud they were of their work.

"Look, Mommy!  I did it!"

 

Day 13: Donate food, clothes, or toys - We made a donation to the local food bank. The boys always like to donate their favorite - mac & cheese.

Day 14: Visit the library to get Christmas books. We ended up with a pile of books big enough to last us 'til next Christmas. And mixed in with the holiday titles were many, many Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. And I wonder why Gabe and Dante are up in their room giggling until 9:30 every night......

Day 15: Go out for pancakes - wearing your PJs. Because it's always more fun to go to breakfast in your PJs : )

Love. These. Boys. : )

Why We Will Talk

I remember thinking at various times when I was pregnant with each of the boys that part of me wished I could just keep them in my belly forever, where I knew they were safe and nothing could harm them.

Then as they got older, I gradually (if begrudgingly) accepted that they were slowly but surely taking steps toward independence.

I let them climb the stairs without holding my hand, and I stopped hovering over them as they navigated the playground equipment; and I dropped them off at preschool, putting them in someone else's care for several anxious hours; and finally, I put them on the school bus in the morning, trusting that they would be ok out of my sight for the entire day.

It gets easier as they get older, and aside from the occasional moment of panic or irrational fear, you do trust that they're ok.

And then something like yesterday happens, and that trust is competely and irrevokably shattered, and those fears seem all too rational.

I got home from the gym yesterday morning with plans to begin my holiday baking and cross numerous items off my to-do list.

Instead, I was completely paralyzed by the news, and spent a good portion of the afternoon sitting in front of my tv sobbing. I fought the urge to immediately pick Gabe and Dante up from school and bring them home with me.

I didn't get them early, but I did pick them up rather than have them take the bus. I didn't want to have to wait that extra half hour to see their beautiful little faces.

As I waited in the pickup room and saw Dante come bouncing around the corner, I couldn't help but imagine the what ifs, and I nearly started crying.

Seeing all those kids, going about their day, laughing and fooling around and just being kids - as they should be - that's supposed to be the world we live in. One where kids are safe, and where their biggest worries are whether or not Santa's going to be able to get into their house, since they don't have a chimney.

In a way, it feels like that world doesn't exist anymore.

At first, I had no intention of discussing this with the boys in any way, shape, or form. The idea of them knowing that such horrific events happen in the world was something I just couldn't stomach.

It seems so wrong to steal their innocence from them that way. I can't stand the thought of their  heads and their hearts being burdended with information like this. It's so very wrong.

But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that it is going to be nearly impossible to shield them from this.

The news is everywhere, and we will of course have a total news blackout when they are around, so that we can at least shield them from the horrifying images. But I feel it's naive to think that they won't hear it from someone else - on the bus, or at school, or at church, or even from the cover of a magazine while standing in line at the grocery store.

And the thought of them finding out that way, when I might not be there to hug them and make some attempt to set their mind at ease, makes me even more uncomfortable.

Which is why I was up at 4:09am today. Because today we will talk about it. I'll tell them as little as necessary, but I will also be honest. And I will reassure them in every way I possibly can that they are safe. And I'm certain we'll all cry.

It's difficult to know what to say to your children when you can hardly process the information yourself, and when there are so few answers to the questions that they will inevitably ask.

There are a lot of great resources online for talking to your kids about a tragedy like this - this is the one that I found most helpful.

A parent should never have to have a discussion like this with their child. A child should never go through what those kids went through yesterday.

A parent should never have to worry as they kiss their child goodbye and put them on the school bus that they may never see them again.

When I think of the horror those families in Connecticut are experiencing, I almost can't breathe.

And as awful as it's going to be, I am also thankful that I get to have this horrible discussion with my boys today. Because I can. Because they're here.

Christmas Countdown, Days 6 - 10

We're continuing to have fun with our new Christmas Countdown calendar.

Day 6: Write a letter to Santa.

Gabe has not mentioned anything to us about not believing in Santa Claus anymore, but clearly the thought has crossed his mind. "Dear Santa - Is Rudolph real? Is the Grinch real? Are your elves real? Are Christmas trees real? Is the Island of Misfit toys real? Are Nutcracker books real? Is the Elf on the Shelf real? Well answer them to me by letter too. Ok. I hope you've got a deal. [he's bargaining with the big guy] Merry Christmas. Also what I want for Christmas is on the back. Love from Gabe San Antonio. P.S. Can you also cure my cough?" [maybe Santa will put some Robitussin in his stocking]

Dante, on the other hand, is very practical and gets right down to business. "Well Santa I want a ceaboard [keyboard] for Christmas. And Carmine well he might want a ball for Christmas. And my Dad might want some tolls [tools]. And my mom might want an Alex and Ani bracelet [he's been listening!]. And my brother might want a palled [pallee is what they call their stuffed animals]. Santa Merry Christmas and Happy new year. From Dante. To Santa."  I love how he makes sure that Santa knows what we all want, instead of just writing his own list. That's very Dante : )

Day 7: Bake and decorate sugar cookies.

This is one of their favorite Christmas activities every year. The aftermath is slightly horrifying  - it looks like someone dropped a bomb full of sprinkles in my kitchen - but I've learned to embrace the mess in the name of fun. It was great to see Carmine really getting in on the action this year, too : )

 

Day 8: Decorate the tree outside.

We now have a very festive 7-foot evergreen in our backyard, the bottom half of which is beautifully decorated with ornaments.

Day 9: Have snowman pancakes for dinner.

I saw this idea online somewhere, and I knew I had to do it. The boys were thrilled. Pancakes, bacon, chocolate chips, marshmallows, and whipped cream for dinner - what's not to love?

Day 10: Dante chooses his favorite dinner. No photo for this one, but we enjoyed some delicious pizza that night!

Carmine is fully into the whole Christmas experience this year. We haven't gone to visit Santa at the mall yet, but we did stop and say hi to him there one day. Well, I said hi, and Carmine sat in his stroller, positively dumbfounded and unable to say a single word - and anyone who knows Carmine knows that that's saying something, because even at just under three years old, the child is not afraid to speak his mind.

We saw Santa again last weekend, at a local nursery, but this Santa was on a tractor - double excitement for my tractor-loving little boy! We took a ride on the barrel train with Santa driving, and the boys all got candy canes. A very unique and fun Santa sighting, for sure.

And of course no Christmas season would be complete without the myriad of Christmas shows which, thanks to our DVR, we can now watch over and over and over and over and over again.

I also took Gabe and Dante to see "A Christmas Story" at the movie theater last weekend, which was super fun. One of my all-time favorite christmas movies, and they absolutely loved it - and it was of course way more cool to see it in the theater, with popcorn, and with no distractions. And the other day at home we watched "Elf" - another favorite of mine. It's always so fun when you can start to share these slightly more grownup movies with them, and see them appreciating it for the very first time.

Dante mentioned to me yesterday that he might like to go see The Nutcracker some time. I told him we can't go this year (too late to get tickets), but maybe next year that could be a special Christmas thing for he and I to do. I'd be thrilled!

I'm not a huge ballet fan, but The Nutcracker is a fabulous show, and I kind of assumed that since I had three boys, I'd be missing out on that experience. But if he's into it, we'll get all decked out and go next December!  I think he'd really enjoy it - he seems to really and truly appreciate art and music, and that would be such a cool thing to share with him. And his commentary, I'm sure, would be priceless. He already told me that the ballet is "like with puppets, except they're real people."

Carmine's favorite song is "The First Toymaker to the King," and he can also often be heard in his crib at nighttime singing "Jingle bells, jingle bells, HEY!"

He's suddenly talking a lot about being scared of the dark, and of the shadows in his room. And the other day we had a thunderstorm (bizarro weather for December), and he said he was scared of the "unther." I guess this is the age at which fears really start to crop up. The strange thing is that neither Gabe or Dante were talking much at all when they were this age, so it's such a different experience for me to hear Carmine telling me plain as day what's scaring him, or what he's thinking about.

His level of communication at this age is probably not all that advanced, but to someone whose other two kids were very late talkers, it's positively astounding to me. And I'm so, so thankful that he is talking so well. I don't always like what he says - such as when he tells me to "Stop talking - I'm saying something!" or "No, I can't not do that!" - but even when he's being less than polite, it's still nice to know that he's able to get his point across. 

There's no mystery as to where he learns how to be fresh, given that he gets plenty of 'lessons' from his big brothers. There are times where I am honestly terrified at what it's going to be like a few years from now, when there are real, far more serious issues for us to butt heads on, which is why I try very very hard to choose my battles now, when the stakes are not quite as high.

And for all his efforts to assert themselves and be 'big kids,' and make their own decisions, they're both still sweet little boys who, whether they know it or not, are happy to have a mommy and daddy who look out for them.

Gabe definitely does have moments where he realizes this, and he has not gotten too old to tell me I'm the "best mommy ever," so I soak up that gem every time I hear it.

This Christmas has served to illustrate to me very clearly that he is on the brink of maybe not believing for much longer. His 20 questions to Santa is one example. And his illustration of the "Christmas Devil" is another. (Actually, that's probably just an example of the fact that he's watched too many Tim Burton movies.) 

But he said something a few weeks ago that also told me that, even when he doesn't believe in Santa anymore, and even though he's more than happy to point out to you every single toy in the Toys R Us flyer that he wants for Christmas - the meaning of Christmas isn't lost on him.

We had gone on the Polar Express train ride in Woonsocket - a pricey, but FABULOUS event that, aside from Carmine screaming at the top of his lungs (happily, but still screaming) and literally trying to climb over the seats, was a really awesome time for all of us, and I'm so glad we did it.  

On the train, in addition to having hot chocolate and some of the best sugar cookies I've ever eaten - even better than the ones I make! - every child received a special jingle bell from Santa.

As we rode home (the bells safely stashed out of the children's reach for the 50-minute car ride home, so that Scott didn't go insane from the sound of jingle bells and drive the car off the side of the road), Gabe commented "When I heard that bell, I felt the true meaning of Christmas - it's family, fun, and love."

By George, I think he's got it! 

Twenty-Five Simpler Gifts - Days One Through Five

The countdown has begun. And with the countdown comes the frenzy, the hyped-up kids, and the insanity and chaos that is part of having three small children in December.

Some days I laugh right along with them, and other days I scream right along with them. It's a great time of year, but it's not without its challenges.

I'm making some attempts to streamline things a bit this year, though - starting with gifts. My boys will each have 5 presents to open Christmas morning. No more, no less. And their stockings will be full, but not overflowing.

I love buying them stuff, and I love watching them open that stuff and get so excited about it. 

What I don't love is watching that stuff sit on a shelf for the next 6 or 9 months, barely used, and then end up in a box to be donated somewhere.

So I've forced myself to hold back, and I have to admit, it hasn't been easy. But every time I see something that I think I should grab for them, I make myself stop and really think about how much value it will have.

Will it actually get played with for a significant amount of time, or will it have a lifespan of three or four days before getting lost in the shuffle and forgotten?

Most of the time, when I truly think about it, I opt to not buy the item. And I don't feel bad about it at all. I feel good knowing that I'm carefully selecting things for them that I know they'll enjoy for a long time, instead of filling the house with junk that barely holds their attention for two weeks. 

As a result, my Christmas shopping is nearly done! It's much easier when you limit yourself and make more thoughtful purchases.

Cookie baking has begun, also, and that's one thing I'm not scaling back on. I adore baking, and there are always teachers, family, and friends with whom I can share, so I'll start now and have a nice selection of treats in the freezer ready to be bagged, boxed, and distributed in a few weeks.

And one more small change I've made this year was actually an addition - but not one that induces stress on any level. I take no credit for the idea - I saw it several places online (other blogs, Pinterest, Facebook) - but I am so happy that I found it and implemented it (and I had fun making it, too!).

It's a countdown calendar, but instead of being filled with treats, each day has instructions for a special activity for us to do together.

I generated my list using a few different sources, but the majority of them came from this list.

We're on day 5, and I'm loving it - and so are the boys! Some of the activities are stuff we'd do anyway (making sugar cookies, decorating gingerbread houses), but others are new to us (making cards to send to soldiers, driving around at night in PJs to look at Xmas lights), so it's definitely adding a new twist to the holidays.

And it's a good reminder to me that these are the things the boys will remember, far more than they remember that this was the year they got the Lego Ninjago Epic Dragon Battle.

Full disclosure - they do also each have chocolate Advent calendars that I got for 99 cents at Trader Joe's. But happily, they seem more excited to check the other calendar every day! 

Day 1 -Decorate the small tree we put up in their room

 

Day 2 - Make and send a Christmas card to a soldier

 

Day 3 - Make Christmas ornaments (we used a salt dough recipe, and will decorate them this weekend)

 

Day 4 - Breakfast-for-dinner picnic while watching a Christmas movie (Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town). Carmine is now up in his crib, singing "Toymaker to the king" over and over again - not the whole song, just those four words. Over and over and over and over and over.

 

Day 5 - Write a letter to a family member

 

Looking forward to the next 5 days  : ) 

Because This Blog Is About Me AND the Boys

I haven't written much about the boys lately, mostly because they are all changing so quickly I can hardly keep up.

Carmine is on the verge of turning 3, and although I have a hard time not thinking of him as my baby, he most definitely is turning the corner toward full-fledged toddlerhood (and soon to be preschooler!). I still can't quite wrap my head around it, but he reminds me of it constantly - mostly with his nonstop chatter.

He is very much like Dante, in that he starts talking when he wakes up in the morning, and he doesn't stop until he falls asleep at night. At the rare moments when he's not talking, I get concerned about him.

He very generously offers me a running commentary of his day. "I'm not cold anymore, Mommy. I take my coat off, Mommy. I sit on couch now, Mommy. I play my guitar now, Mommy." He also keeps me apprised of the time - pointing to the clock and saying "It's time o'clock, Mommy."

The two of us were on our way home from Newport last month when the car broke down, and it was quite an adventure, and I have to say, he proved to be very good company as we waited on the side of the road. We chatted, and he asked me many, many, many times about the car - "Car won't go, Mommy? Awww, darnit, cheese cracker!"

And now that the car has been repaired, every time we go out to get in the car, he asks "Ours car is back now?" I guess he just wants confirmation of that very obvious fact.

Gabe has gotten Carmine hooked on his favorite radio station, too - every time we're in the car, Carmine asks me to put on 93-3. And he's now in the habit of walking around listening to my old iPod. He's even getting the hang of working the buttons. And when he saw the cover of a book called "Corduroy Goes to the Doctor," with a picture of Corduroy wearing a stethoscope, he pointed to it and said "Corduroy have iPod."

He also is under the impression that everything in the world is his. We drove past a farm, and he yelled from the backseat "I see my cows!"  And when we were in Maine a few months ago, Gabe and Dante were walking my Aunt and Uncle's dogs, and Carmine kept asking "Where's my dog?"

He loves to play pretend - much more so than either Gabe or Dante did - and I get a big kick out of it. He'll make his stuffed animals dance and walk around and hug each other. And when he wants to have them go to sleep, he doesn't just lay them down - he lays them carefully on their side. He did the same thing with his tractors one day, too. Because everybody knows that tractors sleep on their side.

Like any kid his age, it doesn't take a lot to make him happy - evidenced most especially the day he discovered pockets. He got his hand into one of the pockets on his pants, smiled, and yelled "Hey - this a pocket!" 

He walked around like that for a few minutes, then, lo and behold, he discovered that there was one just like it on the other side. He quickly shoved his hand in that one and yelled "Hey - this ANOTHER pocket!"  Life is pretty great when you're almost three.

Trick-or-treating was quite an experience. Last year it took him a little while to figure the whole thing out, but this year there was no learning curve whatsoever. He was sprinting from house to house, bounding up the stairs, knocking on doors, and yelling "TRICK OR TREAT!!!!" It was hysterical!  And as we went from one house to another, he kept peering in his bag and telling me "Yook (look) Mommy, I got all these candies!!!!"

I love seeing him grow up, and seeing him get smarter every single day. But I will be sad when he leaves behind some of his baby talk/mispronunciations. My favorite one is "doog" for "good." I love to ask him how his meal is, just becuase I like to hear him say it's "doog." And when I ask him where something is, he points and says "There IS it!"

He's so polite, too - he'll try eating things that I know he doesn't like, and he'll very carefully take a teeny tiny little bite, while enthusiastically telling me "This is doog, Mommy." And then he'll quickly spit it out onto his plate. I give him serious props for trying to be nice!

Dante has always been a bundle of energy, but as he approaches his seventh birthday, his already excessive energy levels have absolutely exploded, and he honestly can't contain himself most of the time. He's constantly whirling, jumping, spinning, skipping, bouncing, running, hopping, twirling, dancing, or otherwise in motion.

And all of these motions are accompanied by noise. Sometimes nice noises, sometimes very not-nice noises, and sometimes indescribable noises. It's like living with a sound effects machine. And much of the time, I don't think he even realizes he's doing it.

He's sort of a cross between the Tasmanian Devil and Winnie the Pooh - crazy and in your face, but also still so loveable and sweet. It's a very delicate balance!

He continues to amuse us with his very unique outlook on the world. I think I need to put together a book just filled with Dante-isms. He remarked to me one day - completely out of the blue - that it would be good "if you were allergic to camels, because then you wouldn't have to worry too much about it, since camels really aren't around here."  An odd thing to say, but you can't argue with his logic.

He also asked me to take a picture of him and put it on Facebook, "so that he could be famous." I obliged, adding that one picture to the hundreds of others of him that are already on Facebook. Famous, indeed : )

Gabe is planning to gain fame through his writing. He has notebooks chock full of stories. "Diary of a Wimpy Gabe," as well as his own takes on "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "Harry Potter."  His writing is pretty impressive, too. Dialogue, cliffhangers, accompanying illustrations - he's got it all.

I'd be much happier if he did all this writing during the day, though. His preferred creative time is at night, and he's often awake until 10pm. We try to make sure his lights are out by 9, but sometimes he sneaks the light back on. I'm not crazy about him being up so late, but at the same time, I can't force him to go to sleep, and if he's sitting in his bed and writing quietly, I don't see any reason to get too upset.

After having a few kind of rough weeks at school, he seems to have really turned things around, and is getting many, many good reports sent home. Last week we even got a call from the principal to tell us what a GREAT week Gabe had. I was honestly almost in tears, I was so happy to hear that.

We still struggle with a lot of things at home, though. Lots of problems with listening and paying attention, not following directions - and one of the biggest issues - instigating. He has a terrible habit of stirring up trouble. So many times, Carmine will be playing quietly, not bothering anyone, and Gabe feels the need to go over and get in his face and get him all riled up - either angrily, or just crazily and goofily.

And of course once Carmine gets going, Gabe and Dante get going, and before I know it, I've got a three-ring circus on my hands (remember I described Dante as part Tasmanian Devil?  Carmine's got a little bit of that in him, too).

I try so, so hard to keep my cool, but when all three of them are bouncing off the walls, that is a very tall order. It's something I'll continue to work on, though. And I know that I can't be expected to be calm and patient all the time - nobody's perfect, and we all get frustrated and angry sometimes. But it is something I want to work harder at.

They're a crazy bunch, and they test my patience, and life truly is a three-ring circus most days - but they are also growing into very smart, funny, interesting little people, and I'm so lucky to be their ringleader.

Running, Swimming, Biking, Biathlon, and the Boys

Two signs of how busy I've been the past 11 days -  1. I haven't blogged once. 2. I'm just now sitting down to watch the women's Olympic marathon, which was run last weekend.

I'm still getting in my workouts, but there's been a lot of ups and downs. Last weekend, due to me traveling out of town to visit some friends, and then us having overnight guests, I ended up going three days without any workouts at all. No long run, no long bike ride, no nothing. It felt very strange, and very uncomfortable. 

But as the third day sans workout rolled around, I kind of made peace with it, and figured that after the previous weekend of back-to-back races, my body was probably enjoying the well-deserved break.

And I figured I'd be feeling refreshed and ready to get back to it on Tuesday morning at the track - the first track workout I'd done in three weeks. Instead, I was dreading it. I'm so thankful my track partner was there, because there's a good chance I would have cut the workout short if I had been on my own.

My motivation overall seems to be lacking at the moment, and I was kind of baffled by that, but then it occurred to me that I'm probably experiencing a small case of the post-race blues. I didn't follow a specific training plan for the Blessing or the triathlon, but I was certainly working hard and preparing for those two races, just as I did for Jamestown last month.

And now that both of those are over, and my next race is several weeks away, and my next 'big' race - the Newport half - is two months away - I'm kind of in limbo, so I think it's natural that I'm not feeling terribly excited about running at the moment. 

I'm trying to get myself more excited about swimming, though. After my last post, I decided to go for it and buy a wetsuit and commit to getting in some open-water swims in these last few weeks of summer.

I've accomplished the first step, and my new wetsuit is hanging in my closet, waiting for me to accomplish the second step - getting in the water. I had planned to join in on a group swim last week, but wasn't able to. Hopefully I'll make it this week. I'm tentatively planning on the Y Not Tri for September 16, but I'm holding off on actually registering.

I did register, though, for another multisport event - the Shoreline Biathlon in Westerly on September 9th - which just happens to be the first race I ever completed, back in 2002. I can't believe I've been running and racing for 10 years! 

I love this race, and am so excited to do it again. It's a 5-mile run, followed by a 16-mile bike ride - a very small field, and very scenic courses for both the run and bike. My PR of 1:37 was from that first year (I did it two other times), and I'd like to think I can easily beat that this year, but I'll find out for sure in a few weeks.

In light of that, I've stepped up my biking a bit, and made it out for two bike rides this week, both of which went great. I've been averaging between 18 and 19mph on my 30 - 40-mile rides, which I'm very happy with. Really enjoying the biking, too - and reminding myself that, although I run year round, the bike will eventually be put away for the winter season, so I need to get out and make the most of it while I can.

Way back when I signed up for the Triple Crown series, I had intended to find a good half-marathon training plan to follow for the October half. I'm hoping for a PR at that race. Initially, I had thought 1:40 was my ultimate half-marathon goal, but since running 1:41 in Jamestown, I'm thinking that in the cool October air, on a course that's not too terribly hilly, I should be able to break 1:40.

I'm not certain that I want to follow a plan, though. I've really enjoyed this sort of 'training but not training' thing I've got going on this summer, and I think I want to just roll with it. It's much less stressful, and I've still been getting faster and setting PRs. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?  

So for right now, I'm thinking that my training for Newport will consist of mostly weekly track workouts, occasional tempo runs, and long runs right around 12 or 13 miles. Hopefully that will get me my sub-1:40, but if it doesn't, there are plenty more half-marathons to be run, and I know I'll get it eventually : )

Quickie updates on the boys - Dante is becoming a really good swimmer, and I'm contemplating having him try swim team at the Y. Gabe's swimming has improved a lot, too, but has no interest in joining the team.

We'll make sure he continues with lessons, but I don't want to push him to do the team if he doesn't want to. But I'd love to see them both become strong swimmers, given that we spend most of our summer at the beach, and I know that the swim team experience would be a great one for Dante. 

Dante also wants to try surfing lessons, and the past few times we've been at the beach, he's been catching waves and trying to stand up on his boogie board. I have a feeling we'll be shelling out some $$ for at least one surfing lesson before the summer's out.

And I have a feeling he might actually be really good at it - he's really good at timing the waves just right. He actually taught me a thing or two when I finally tried boogie boarding with them last weekend. And oh my god, why have I never tried boogie boarding before????!!!!!  I now completely understand why they love it so much!!!

Gabe has soccer camp this week, but his new obsession is Monopoly. He wants to play Monopoly ALL THE TIME. And if you can believe it, I played a game with him and Dante, and they beat me! They caught on really quick.

Carmine, meanwhile, is constantly entertaining us with his shenanigans. I bought him his own mini boogie board, and he drags it around at the beach and pushes it around in the water, and is starting to get a little upset when Gabe and Dante go out boogie boarding and he can't go with them. I think I'll be signing him up for swim lessons this winter.

He is also now, more than ever, repeating EVERYTHING he hears, so I'm really glad that we're generally very careful about what we say, since his new favorite expressions are "What the heck?"  "Oh god!",  and "Oh darnit!"  And my personal favorite - instead of ("Oh geez!") "Oh, cheese.... crackers!" 

He never fails to make me smile.