Me and The Boys

Post-Race Blues

I had a mid-training-cycle slump, and a pre-race funk, and now it's time for the post-race blues.

Motivation is lacking, my glute/hip area is aching, and the two times I've run this week, it hasn't been pretty. I just feel like I've somehow completely lost all my fitness - even an easy 5 miles this morning felt like an effort.

I have appointments with the orthopedist, chiropractor, and physical therapist, so that I can start getting this achy left leg thing straightened out, and I've also been spending some quality time with my foam roller, which has been helping. But the nagging discomfort, I'm sure, is contributing to my mood.

And I think I'm just in need of a break. I'm running the half next weekend - pacing my friend, and so excited about it - but after that, I'm definitely going to have a few weeks of very scaled-back mileage, and more swimming and biking, and try to forget all about future running goals for at least a little while.

They're out there, and I know I'll get back to them eventually, but right now, I'm beyond burned out.

There have been times during the past few weeks where I've actually thought I'd soon be looking forward to getting back to the track, and doing some intervals and tempo runs again.

But then today, as I was chugging along at an 8:35 pace, the thought of running 8 miles at a sub-8-minute pace seemed completely unfathomable, and the thought of running 26.2 miles seemed completely insane.

But I know I'm capable of it, and I know I will do it again. It's just going to take some time. Maybe a week or two, or maybe three or four - whatever it takes to make running fun and enjoyable again.

Vacation Week Tidbits

It may not be apparent from my last few posts, but there is more to my life than running. It's just that the weeks and days leading up to and immediately after a marathon are kind of consumed by the race. And I'm still constantly thinking about it, and analyzing it, and, yes, already thinking about what my next short-term goals are, in terms of racing.

But in between all that, there is still plenty of other stuff to keep me busy, including the antics of my three crazy little boys.

Carmine is finally saying his own name, and has started referring to himself in the third person. And of course all I can think of when he does it is the episode of Seinfeld with the character "Jimmy," who did the same thing.

He's also fully embracing the terrible twos, and our days have more than their fair share of screaming and temper tantrums, and lots of "NOOOOOOOO!!!!"  and "MINE!!!!!"

Dante has had a particularly exciting vacation week - we went to see the Titanic exhibit at Mystic Aquarium, which was awesome. He was so excited that he woke up that morning and ran into the kitchen yelling "Happy Titanic Exhibit Day!!"

And last night I took him to see Robert Ballard speak at URI - a pretty cool thing for a 6-year-old to be able to do. And I found it really interesting, too. It's great when your kids get to the ages where they're interested in are things that you also find interesting. Much cooler than having to sit through a live performance of The Wiggles.

His reading skills have really taken off now, too. It's so cool to see him be able to sit down and read an entire book. He was so proud of the fact that he could read the "Magic Treehouse" books all by himself now! 

He's also taking a cue from Gabe and writing his own sequels to the books he reads, and he wrote one the other day called "Diary of A Stupid Kid." The story was as follows - "One day I jumped off a mountain and I died." His title was very accurate, I think.

And I forgot to write the other day, but when Dante woke up on Saturday morning, he told me that he had dreamed about me winning the race. What a sweetie :  )   And when he said that, Gabe asked me "I forgot - how long is the race today? Sixty miles?"  At times, it sure felt like it was.....

I have lots to write about Gabe and our visit with the psychologist last week, but I'll save that for another post. I'm still working on processing everything and figuring out where we go from here. One thing we know for sure, though, is that we are not opting for medication at this time, and it's very helpful that Scott and I are on the same page with that.

Aside from that, we're enjoying the amazing summer-like spring, gearing up for the beginning of soccer, tennis, swim class, and a return to busy schedules. It's good timing, though, since I'm heading into a period of much less intense training.

I can't deny, though, that I did peek at my 'Run Less, Run Faster' book this morning, scoping out the training plan for a 3:35 marathon.....  

Post-Gansett Thoughts

If you're ready for me to stop talking about Gansett and move on to other topics, you'll have to wait just a wee bit longer.

After the post-race glow subsides a little, and you're able to walk up and down stairs without wincing, it's a little easier to process how things went, and figure out how you really feel about it.

And truth be told, despite what a great experience it was, I do feel a little disappointed.

I worked really, really hard these past 4 months, and until the very end, all my workouts were going so well. I was sure I'd be able to pull off a 3:38. I truly felt I was in good enough shape to do it.

There were some times of doubt, but not as much as I had going into Hartford. I was really, really nervous about Hartford. Since it was only my second marathon, and I was aiming for a nearly 30-minute PR, I had a lot to be nervous about.

But this time I really felt like my 'A' goal was going to happen. I felt pretty confident that I'd cross that finish line in less than 3 hours and 40 minutes. But, of course, I didn't.

Yes, I know I still got a really nice PR, and I displayed some serious mental toughness during those last 8 miles, and I am very proud of that.

But when you pour your heart and soul into something for 4 months, and you only have a few hours to put it to the test and make it happen, and you know full well that it's going to be a long time (in my case, another year) before you make another attempt at it, missing that goal is a little tougher to take.

As much of a toll as this training cycle took on me, and as burned out as I was, and as vehemently as I vowed to everyone I talked to that I would never again run two marathons 6 months apart, I found myself thinking yesterday that maybe I should take another crack at it this October.

But I won't. Not because I don't want to - I want that 3:38, and I don't want to wait a whole year for it - but because I know that I don't have it in me to go through that type of training again right now, and my heart wouldn't be in it 100%. And because I promised Scott (and myself) that I would not be spending this summer training for a marathon. I want to enjoy my summer and enjoy running without putting too much pressure on myself.

I still find myself trying to figure out exactly what happened Saturday; why I fell apart so badly at mile 18. I still think it was a combination of factors, and given the fact that my face was crusted with salt when I finished, I suspect that in addition to not drinking enough water, I also probably needed more electrolytes.

And I know it sounds ridiculous to complain about the fact that it was in the 60s by the time I finished, since that seems arctic compared to the temps in Boston Monday, but it was definitely warmer than what I had been used to running in, and after 18 miles, those effects are felt so much more dramatically.

I'm not offering these things up as excuses - it's just helpful for me to try to sort it all out, so that I can fix any potential problems before I do this again.

But for now, I'm going to try to not dwell on what went wrong, and focus on what went right. It was an incredible race (I don't know if any other finish line will quite compare to that one), and although I had some pretty dark moments, my overall sentiment was one of overwhelming happiness - because it was such a special race to me, and because I still managed to shave more than 2 minutes off my Hartford time.

So I'll leave the bad stuff behind and move forward. I'm actually already looking forward to running a few easy miles this weekend. No specific pace, no specific distance.  Just a run. I can't wait!

Gansett Marathon, April 14, 2012 - Best. Race. Ever.

It isn't often that you miss your marathon goal by three minutes, spend the last 8 miles of the race feeling like you want to die, and still refer to it as your best race experience ever.

But for me, that's what this race was.

I knew it was going to be an amazing day, no matter what the clock read when I crossed the finish line, and I was right.

I've mentioned time and again how proud I was just to be participating in this race, and I'll say it again - the only qualifiers-only marathon in the US - and I was running it!  Just pinning my race number on gave me goosebumps.

Running a local marathon also makes for the simplest race prep ever. I cooked my own plate of pasta Friday night, ate dinner with my family in the comfort of my own home, didn't have to pack any bags or consult any maps, and got to sleep in my own bed. It was lovely!

I was still up pretty early, so I had time to eat and digest, and then found myself with tons of time to spare, so ended up making pancakes for the boys for breakfast. It was actually a lot better to have something to do, though - nicer than just sitting around a hotel room being nervous.

Left the house around 7:10, got to the start around 7:20, made a few pit stops, chatted with a few people, and before I knew it, we were headed over to the street. 

Scott and the boys were there to watch the start, so I got to give everyone a few more hugs and kisses, and then it was time to go. I was definitely nervous, but as with most races, once I was actually lined up on the road, knowing that I was finally going to get this done, I started feeling much calmer.

The weather could not have been more perfect. It was probably close to 50 when we started - perfect for a tank top, shorts, and arm warmers. There was a bit of a breeze, but it didn't seem like it was so windy that it would present any issues.

I have spent the past 9 months training on this course, and I knew that, given how flat most of it is, I'd have to be really careful about not going out too fast. So I lined up at the back of the pack, and concentrated really hard on a moderate pace for the first few miles - and was very happy to see my first few splits come in at 8:18, 8:17, 8:20, and 8:17.

Running down Ocean Road is one of the nicest parts of the course, and I was just cruising along, really enjoying myself. Since it's a small race, everyone spread out pretty quickly, and I was mostly running alone, but there were still people nearby, so I didn't feel lonely. And since I do lots of my long runs solo, it's really nothing new for me, so I was fine with that aspect of it.

Miles 4 and 5 might have been a tad too fast - both 8:13 - so I did my best to slow down a bit, and got miles 6 and 7 back down to 8:17 and 8:16. I was aiming for an 8:18 pace, so I felt like I was still doing ok pacing myself.

Another advantage of running a local race is that a great number of the race volunteers were members of the local running club, many of whom I've met at least once or twice, and some of whom I've run with numerous times. Being cheered by anyone is an instant boost when you're out there, but being cheered by people you know multiplies that affect tenfold, so it was really awesome to see all those familiar faces.

And one of the great things about this race is that the volunteers had lists of all the participants, so even if they didn't know your name, they'd spot your race number, find your name on their list, and give you a personal shout-out as you ran by. Very, very nice touch, and so appreciated.

Miles 8, 9, and 10 were again a little fast - 8:11, 8:13, 8:13, but I didn't feel like I was going so fast that I'd pay for it later. I did try to rein it in a little, though, and was helped by the fact that Mile 11 (8:17) had a long gradual climb, and Miles 12 and 13 (8:23, 8:21) were on my least favorite part of the course - the stretch along Route 108. 

Miles 14, 15, and 16 were the end of the first loop, and a part of the course that I always tended to run faster in training, and I did not want to go flying through those miles and start the second loop feeling completely drained, so I really focused on holding a slower pace, and did well at first. Mile 14, 8:21 and Mile 15, 8:17.

Kind of screwed up with mile 16, though - 8:09. Oops. Passing the finish line, where a good friend and her family were cheering me on, gave me a little too much of a boost. It was so fabulous to see them, though - worth maybe running a little too fast.

I knew that now the real work was going to begin. Loop courses are mentally very tough, and I was just hoping that the fact that I'd done some loops during training would help me out. I kept reminding myself that I had trained for this, and I knew what I was in for.

And I also kept thinking about the fact that I'd be seeing Scott and the boys right around Mile 21 - that definitely gave me motivation to keep moving.

I was still doing ok for Mile 17 - 8:15 pace. And I was feeling pretty good. Getting tired, for sure, and feeling warmer, as it was getting later in the day and the sun was strong. But I still felt like I could handle this pace for at least a few more miles, if not the whole race.

Then at some point during Mile 18 I went around a bend in the road, started running into a headwind, and started falling apart.

I don't know that the wind was any stronger than it had been the first time down this stretch, but it felt like it was. I suddenly felt like every step was a struggle, and every muscle was aching, and this whole endeavor had instantly turned into a battle.

The splits tell the story - Miles 18 through 25: 8:29, 8:21. 8:39, 8:44, 8:28, 8:56, 8:40, 8:45.

I was hurting. Bad.

I had taken two Gus up to this point - one around Mile 7, and one around Mile 14, and my plan was to take my last fuel around Mile 20. I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach another Gu, so I had some Honey Stinger chews, and I worked on forcing those down. It was work, too. The last thing I wanted was any more disgusting gooey crap, but I knew I needed them, so I ate them and kept plodding along. 

As I got closer and closer to Mile 21, all that was keeping me going was knowing that Scott and the boys would be there, so when I saw them, I broke out in a huge grin, despite feeling competely and utterly horrible.

Gabe and Dante were jumping up and down screaming my name so loud, I felt like a rock star : )  They ran alongside me for a minute, and I gave them high fives. I would have stopped for hugs, but I was afraid if I stopped, I'd never start running again.

A few more cheers from the volunteers at the water stop, and then, sadly, I was turning the corner back onto the dreaded Route 108 section, and feeling like 5 miles seemed like an eternity.

This part of the race is kind of a blur to me. It was pretty much a constant battle between my body, which wanted nothing more than to sit down on the side of the road and take a nap, and my head and my heart, which had no intention of giving up.

These were some of the toughest miles I've run in any race. I kept trying to remember if Hartford had felt this difficult, but I couldn't recall - probably because I was just as out of it during that stretch in Hartford, too.

I was exhausted, I was sore, it was getting warmer, sweat was running down my face and stinging my eyes, my music was annoying me instead of inspiring me, and I felt like I was going to be running forever.

I really was just willing myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and somehow, I managed to do it. I remember seeing some more friends from the running club at around Mile 23, and being so thankful to hear their encouragement.

The turnoff from Route 108 onto Kinney Drive was the milestone for me at that point. I knew if I could just make it to that spot, I'd make it the whole way. I did give in to two walk breaks, though. One around mile 23.5, and another at the water stop just after turning onto Kinney Drive.

I knew my sub-3:40 goal was gone at this point, but I felt pretty good that I could still get a PR. And as hard as it was to start running again after that walk break, I knew I was heading into the home stretch now, so I put my head down and told my legs to get moving.

As I headed into the final mile, I knew I wanted to finish strong. I knew my parents would be there, and my friends, and Scott, and my boys, and I wanted them to see me crossing that finish line with a smile on my face.

For the past 7 miles, I had felt like it was a miracle I was still standing upright, but I somehow summoned the energy to get my feet moving a little faster, and fought through the pain and the exhaustion as I turned the corner and headed back toward the beach.

There were no roaring crowds like at Hartford, and no spectacular finish line banner, but I didn't need that, because there was still that breathless anticipation of knowing the chute is finally within reach, and you just have to hold on for a tiny bit longer.

The final .2  loops around a small grassy patch of land across from the ocean, so my little group of spectators was able to see me as I started that final .2, and then quickly walk right back to the finish and see me cross the line.

I'm still not sure how I managed it, but I ran Mile 26 in 8:03, and the final .2 at a 7:36 pace. And with a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

It took me a few minutes to catch my breath, and I was feeling pretty out of it, and in retrospect, I think I might have been slightly dehydrated. I stopped at every water stop, and there were plenty of them, but I don't think I took in enough water every time. I was not in any kind of danger, but I think drinking a bit more water would have been a good thing.

I took the time now to drink several big cups, and some Gatorade, and grabbed a few orange slices, and started to feel a little better. I hung around for a short while, but I wanted so badly to get home and take a shower, I didn't linger too long.

As I look back at how the day went, I'm not 100% certain why I faded so fast at Mile 18, but I think it was just a combination of factors. The temperature (low 60s) was warm enough to be a factor by the time I was starting the second loop + whether the wind was stronger or not, it felt like it was, and that dampened my spirits + I wasn't hydrating quite enough + the plain old physical and mental exhaustion of running 26.2 miles. It all added up to a really painful 8 miles.

And it also added up to me missing my goal by quite a bit. I had hoped that the first two numbers on the clock would be 3s, but it just didn't happen, and I am a little disappointed about that.

But I'm also incredibly proud of the fact that, in the course of 6 months, I took more than 2 minutes off my marathon PR. That's no small feat.

And even more than that, I'm proud of the fact that I prevailed, despite how rotten I felt during those last few miles, and that I did not let the negative thoughts get the best of me. 

Running this race, with so many familiar faces out there, and running among so many incredibly talented athletes, and in such a great atmosphere of camaradarie and enthusiasm and sheer love of the sport - it was something that I don't know if I'll ever experience again. But I'm thrilled that at least I experienced it once!

The final stats -

3:41:27

8:25 pace

25 of 38 females

Gansett Marathon Finisher : )

My Soundtrack and My Goals for Gansett

Thus far, this week has been the complete opposite of last week. My crabby, depressed, anxiousness has turned into confidence, excitement, and optimism. It's been such a relief to shake off the dark cloud I felt like I had hanging over me, and feel happy about running and hitting the starting line at Gansett.

That being said, I haven't run very much this week at all. I was planning on doing my final track workout on Tuesday, but my sore butt and hips were sending me a different message. So I skipped it and went for a walk at the beach with Carmine instead, and I'm so glad I did. I felt very stiff and achy when I first started walking, but when I was done, I felt great, and have continued to feel better since then.

I hate skipping any workout on a training plan, and it's especially tough during taper, when you feel like you're barely training at all, but I know full well that not running those six 200-m intervals will have absolutely zero affect on my race.

To remind myself of that, I flipped back through my training log and looked at all the workouts I have done over the past 16 weeks. That's where my race is going to come from - not this week - and it was really encouraging to see in black and white how much work I've put into this. I know it will pay off.

I did get in my final training run today, and the tightness was still there, but it was much less pronounced, and went away much quicker once I was warmed up. I know I'm probably going to need some PT and several chiropractor visits to get this all sorted out once the race is over, but I also know that once I drop back to a more normal training schedule, I probably won't even have to worry about it.

And the good news is that today's run was awesome!  I felt such a burst of energy, and had trouble keeping myself to just 3.5 miles, and staying at a moderate pace. That's the kind of run I've been waiting for for such a long, long time - the kind of run that makes you remember why you love to run, and makes you believe that you can do just about anything that you set your mind to. It's been a long time since I've had one of those runs, and having it today - two days before race day - was pretty perfect timing.

One of the things that's kept me busy this week (besides eating lots of carbs) was finalizing my playlist. I will be seeing a few familiar faces out on the course, but much of it will be a solitary endeavor for me, so having my music is going to be really important.

It wasn't easy coming up with another huge playlist, though, as I was getting kind of sick of some of the music I listened to training for and running Hartford. I did a lot of searching, and found lots of great songs through the playlists that the fabulous ladies at Run Like A Mother have shared on iTunes. And like all my playlists, there's a little bit of everything in here - even kids' music. As I've said before, nothing is off limits if it keeps me moving through 26.2 miles.

So here's what I'll be listening to as I run Gansett in TWO DAYS!!!!!!!

The Sound of Sunshine - Michael Franti & Spearhead - super fun, upbeat way to head out down Ocean Road

Beauty in the World - Macy Gray

Stone in Love - Journey

Where the Streets Have No Name - U2

Calamity Song - The Decemberists

Section 9 (Light & Day / Reach for the Sun) - The Polyphonic Spree

Wide Open Spaces - Dixie Chicks - this was on my playlist when I ran my first half-marathon in 2 hours and 14 minutes, 5 years ago. Never did I imagine then that I'd one day be aiming for a 3:40 marathon - but here I am : )

Hey, Soul Sister - Train

Closer to Fine - Indigo Girls

Rain King - Counting Crows

I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed Peas - one of Dante's favorites

No Bad News - Patty Griffin

Don't Turn Out the Lights - NKOTBSB - embarrassing, yes, but also has a great beat for getting your feet moving

...Baby One More Time - Britney Spears - like I said, it takes a little bit of everything to get through 26.2 miles

Basket Case - Green Day

Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall - Coldplay

Don't Stop Believin' - Journey

Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

Mr. Brightside - The Killers

Under Pressure - Queen & David Bowie

O-O-H Child - The Five Stairsteps - so I can try to trick myself into thinking that "...things are gonna get easier....."

Brighter Than the Sun - Colbie Caillat

Something That I Want - Grace Potter

Single Ladies - Beyonce

American Idiot - Green Day

Pony (It's OK) - Erin McCarley

Firework - Katy Perry

Set Fire to the Rain - ADELE

Let It Grow (Celebrate the World) - Ester Dean - fun song from The Lorax - thanks to Gabe for discovering this one for me!

The Lucky Ones - Brendan James

Happy Hour - The Housemartins

Lose Yourself - Eminem

If It's Love - Train

Without You - David Guetta & Usher

Dynamite - Taio Cruz

Sing - My Chemical Romance

We Are the Champions - Queen

Loser Like Me - Glee Cast

Move Along - The All-American Rejects

The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae

Hollaback Girl - Gwen Stefani

Eye of the Tiger - Survivor

Viva la Vida - Coldplay

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen

I Wanna Be Sedated - Ramones

My Body - Young the Giant

Dog Days Are Over - Florence + The Machine

Fly - Nicki Minaj & Rihanna

Brian Wilson - Barenaked Ladies

Raise Your Glass - Pink

We Found Love - Rihanna

Where We Belong - Thriving Ivory - love the lyrics to this one - "Hearts racing like a rocket at the speed of light, Don't fight it we've been running for far too long, We're going back where we belong"

Tik Tok - Ke$ha

Let It Grow - The Lorax Singers - I've been listening to this in the car with the boys constantly the past few weeks - the three crazy little boys whose faces I'll be seeing just moments later as I cross the finish line - no better way to inspire me to keep putting one foot in front of the other

Here's To Us - Halestorm - I always like to finish with an anthem-y type of song, and this is the one that's clicking for me right now, so there you go

 

This playlist is actually a few minutes shorter than what I anticipate my race time to be, because I know that I am going to have at least a few spectators at the finish line - Scott, my three little guys, my parents (who are driving up nearly 2 hours to see me finish, for which I am eternally grateful), and a close friend and her family - and I want to hear them cheering, so my iPod will be turned off before I head into that final stretch.

In some ways I feel like I've been waiting eons for this day, and in other ways I feel like I can't believe it's already here.

Bib numbers for the race are assigned by qualifying time, and mine is 44 (out of 55 females). As I've gotten faster over the past few years, I've gotten used to being toward the front of the pack at races, or at least usually in the middle. But this time around, I'm going to be bringing up the rear!

I'm fine with that, though. I earned my spot fair and square, and I'm proud to be running this race at all. I may be in the back of the pack, but two years ago, I wouldn't have been able to even be in the pack.

My main goal is to enjoy this race, but of course I have time goals, too!

My "Everything Went Perfect And I Nailed It" goal is 3:38

My "Not Quite My Day, But Still Pretty Awesome" goal is 3:40

My "Did My Best And I'm Happy With That" goal is anything under 3:43:12

But no matter where I am, and how long it takes me to finish, it's going to be a great day : )

Attitude Adjustment

Obviously I've known for quite some time now what I was going to be doing on April 14th, but over the past few weeks, as the training has become tedious and exhausting, and as I've been waging war with negative thoughts (and losing), I've kind of lost sight of it.

But this morning, I suddenly remembered.

I'm running a marathon in five days. A marathon that I trained my butt off to qualify for last year. A marathon that I thought I might never qualify for, and that I feel extremely honored to be participating in. A marathon that's held right down the road from where I live, on roads that I've been training on since last summer. A marathon where I'll see lots of familiar faces out on the course - especially those of my family and friends when I cross the finish line.

And even if all that weren't true - still, I'm about to run my third marathon! 26.2 miles. For the third time. That in itself is something to be excited about!!!!

So yeah, I'm starting to turn my attitude around, and starting to get a whole lot happier about things, which is such a huge relief! 

It helped that I had a good run Sunday morning. I wouldn't go so far as to call it great, but it definitely felt a whole lot better than either of my runs last week. I didn't feel like I was struggling the whole time, and I didn't feel quite as worn down, and actually kind of enjoyed myself - a very nice change of pace!

I had a final appointment with my chiropractor this morning. I've been having, literally, a pain in my butt, and it was bothering me quite a bit yesterday afternoon, and he said that's a byproduct of my pelvis being slightly out of alignment - it causes some of the ligaments and tendons to get stretched and they can feel tight and stiff (which is exactly how they've been feeling).

He did a small adjustment today, and said that once I finish the race, and take a week of rest, I should come back and have him check everything, but it's not something that should be a big issue once I'm back to a more normal training schedule.

Other preparations are underway, also. I'm finalizing my playlist, stocked up on bagels and pasta and granola bars at the store today, and have begun my daily check of weather.com. Right now the forecast is calling for a low of 45 and a high of 62. In other words, nearly perfect!

The only thing I'm concerned about is how windy it's going to be. The wind did me in at the New Bedford Half, and while the Gansett course is fabulous, it's also in an area that can be very, very windy. Hopefully we'll have nothing more than a light ocean breeze.

But if it's windy, it's ok. I'll deal with it. And if the weather turns out to be less than perfect, that's ok, too. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I just keep repeating that to myself. I've done all I can do to prepare myself for this; now I just have to go out there and get it done.

And I'm finally feeling really excited about the prospect of doing that!  I will run this race, I'll enjoy myself, and I'll cross the finish line with a smile on my face.

Five days and counting......  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michelle and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Run

I remember loving my taper for Hartford. Every run felt wonderful, my legs felt rested and refreshed, and my optimism was through the roof.

Either things are different this time around, or my memory is faulty. I should go back in my blog entries and check. I suspect I'm probably forgetting the ups and downs, and that it likely wasn't quite so blissful last time around.

Whatever the case, this morning's run sucked. I had zero interest in running, my legs did not cooperate, every slight incline felt like a mountain, and I finished the run feeling worse than when I had started, which almost never happens.

I was barely able to maintain an 8:40 pace, which is what I've run most of my long runs (including my 20-milers) at. Sure, I could have pushed myself and gone faster, but I just didn't feel like that was the right choice today.

I've become much better lately at listening to my body, and today, it was sending the message loud and clear that this was all it had to give, so I backed off and respected that.

I can't lie, though. It was very tough mentally to have such a bad run at a time when I was expecting to feel so good.

And feeling so discouraged so close to race day is not a good thing. Yesterday's excitement and optimism has completely evaporated, and has been replaced with all sorts of unpleasantness.

I know the good vibes will be back, though, and I know one bad run does not mean I'm going to have a bad race. It was just one bad run.

My body is tired, and so is my mind. I think I might need to go for some kind of therapy the next time I train for a marathon - it makes me feel so emotionally unstable!

What I'm going to do right now, though, is take a deep breath, remember that I've done the work and put in the training, and I just need to keep moving forward.

Despite how I felt on today's run, I am strong enough, I am fast enough, and I am ready for this.

More Cowbell - Please?

I'm beyond excited to be running the Gansett Marathon for several reasons, chief among them being the fact that I qualified, which was something that, a year ago, seemed like a pipe dream.

Secondly, I am thrilled that I will be on my home turf. This has meant that I've been able to train on the course many times, and it's true that knowing the course gives you an advantage. It's so helpful to know where various landmarks are, and how far or close you are to the finish.

Yes, there are mile markers for that at all races, but it's different when you can see a particular house or street sign and know in your head that you're almost to the halfway point, or heading into the final stretch. Having that 'feel' for the course is a great mental tool.

And finally, the fact that I'm racing locally - as in, 10 minutes from my house - means that Scott and the boys will be able to come see me!  Not only will they be able to be there at the start, but they'll be able to drive out to a few spots and see me in the middle of the race, and then come back again for the finish.

Seeing them out there is undoubtedly going to be one of the greatest things about this experience for me.

Scott did make it down to Hartford with Carmine, and it was amazing to see them as I neared the finish line, and just after crossing it. But Hartford was a big race, with tons of crowds, in the middle of a city, and as soon as I had seen them, they had to leave - it's just not a great place to be hanging out with a toddler who likes to roam.

But this time, all four of them will be able to hang out on a nice grassy patch of land just across from the ocean, with plenty of room for the kids to run, and no crowds to fight, and no parking hassles or traffic to worry about. And they'll ALL be able to see me finish. I get goosebumps every time I think about it.

And, I'm also kinda sorta hoping that some of my local friends will be able to come out and cheer me on as well - so if you're reading this, and you live in RI, and you think you'll be able to spare a little bit of time on April 14th to take a drive into Narragansett to do some spectating, I would be forever grateful : ) 

Those of you who run and race know how much it means to see a familiar face out on the course, and to hear someone cheering your name.

The mental boost you get from support like that is indescribable. It can turn a tired, plodding stride into a light, quick one. It can instantly wash away any negative thoughts and/or doubts that have been slowly trying to creep into your head. It can remind you that you worked so, so hard for this, and not only do you believe you can do it, but other people do, too!

One of the things I love about this race is its small size, but that also means there will not be spectators lining the course as there are in the big marathons. And any shouts of encouragement you can provide for me - and for all the other runners out there! - would be so appreciated.

The course map is available on the race website, and if all goes well and I'm able to maintain the pace I'm planning on, I'll be passing Aunt Carrie's around 8:35am, heading up the Escape Road in Galilee around 9:30am (park on the side of the road leading out of Galilee), passing by the gazebo around 10:15am, back to Aunt Carrie's again around 10:45am, and hopefully crossing the finish line (in front of the post office) somewhere between 11:35 and 11:45am.

Yes, I am shamelessly soliciting a cheering section - knowing full well that everyone is busy, and I totally understand if you can't make it on race day, and I truly appreciate all the support and encouragement you already give me here, on Facebook, and via messages and emails.

But if you can make it, it would be wonderful. This race is a pretty big deal for me, and I'd love to not only have your support, but to share some of the excitement with you - whether you're running or spectating, the energy surrounding marathon day is a pretty amazing thing to experience : )

Two weeks and counting.......!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Here, It's Here - It's Finally Here!!!!!!

Taper, that is.

I've been looking forward to this day for quite some time now, and I am so excited that it has finally arrived.

This morning's workout - one-mile repeats, run at 7:08, 7:08, and 7:00 - marked my last workout before I begin to taper for race day.

And it is not a moment too soon.

I went to the chiropractor yesterday, as I was badly in need of some adjusting for my cranky hips and lower back, and will go again next week, too.

Tomorrow I have a PT appt, to give my occasionally aching shin some TLC.

I'm sore, and I'm tired, and my body is begging me to ease up a bit already, and I'm more than happy to oblige!

Even better - my frame of mind has done a complete 180. I've gone from feeling worn down and beat up and burned out to feeling energized, excited, and READY to run 26.2 miles!!!!

Yes, taper will make me feel antsy and like I'm not training enough, and I'll begin to wonder if I really am ready for this, as race day draws closer and closer.

But I know I'm ready, and I know that these next two weeks of slightly less strenuous workouts are going to do what they're supposed to do - make me healthier and stronger.

I can't wait to experience running on rested, refreshed legs - something I haven't done since November.

Now it's time for the fun stuff - making a pace band; identifying spots on the course for Scott and the boys to come see me; putting together a playlist; scoping out the 10-day weather forecasts; deciding what I'm going to wear......

As I've said to myself on many a training run and during many a race, it's all downhill from here : )

Why I Do This

I woke up feeling super grumpy today - despite the fact that it's the first day of spring, and it felt more like summer - beautiful warm breezes and blue skies.

It was just one of those days, and everyone's whining and demands requests were amplified tenfold, and I felt like the Grinch, ready to scream about the "noise, noise, noise, noise!!!!"

Thankfully they made me laugh a few times, too - Dante, when I told him he could write on our weekly calendar what he wanted to have for dinner Sunday night, and he wrote "makincheese," leading me to believe that he thinks it's called "Mac IN cheese." I’m also still laughing about one of his journal entries from a few weeks ago: “Today is Monday. Yesterday was Sunday. Tomorrow will be Tuesday.” Thrilling narrative, isn’t it?

And Gabe was talking about someone he knows who wears braces, and commented very casually "yeah, I don't think I'm going to want to wear those when I'm older."  As if it's an accessory he can choose whether or not to sport.

Carmine cracks me up almost every time I turn around, but his latest adorable thing is that he refers to Gabe as "Gee Dah-Dah," and he also refers to Dante as "Gee Dah-Dah." He spends plenty of time with both of them separately, but I guess he finds it easier to have a combo name. He does the same thing with Scott and I, referring to us both as "Mommy Daddy."  At least I have top billing!

It was a day with a lot of ups and downs, though, despite the funnies and the gorgeous weather. 

I don't say this often - almost never, in fact - but this morning when I woke up and thought about the fact that I had to go for a run, I cringed. It was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Shocking, right?

I wasn't even staring down a crazy workout, either. Since I put in a pretty intense effort in New Bedford, I planned on a nice easy recovery run today - something I'd normally welcome, particularly in the midst of marathon training, when 'easy runs' are few and far between.

And the weather couldn't have been more perfect. Warm, but slightly overcast, so it wouldn't get too hot.

You'd think I would have been at least mildly excited to get out there and get some miles in. But you'd be wrong. 

Once again, marathon training has sucked the joy out of my running. Or so I thought.

Then I forced myself outside, turned on my Garmin and my iPod, and got moving.

The first mile felt awfully creaky and awkward.

The second mile felt less creaky and awkward, but I was still just kind of getting through it,  and not enjoying it.

Then I turned the corner and headed along the ocean, and along the stretch of road that I'll be running as I finish up the .2 of 26.2 miles in just a few weeks, and as I looked over at where the finish line will be, I felt a rush of excitement, thinking about all the emotions that will be racing through my mind as I finally cross that finish line - the first among them being pure joy. 

Oh yeah. There IS a reason I'm doing this.

Suddenly my stride seemed quicker, my legs felt lighter, and so did my heart.

Suddenly I found myself wishing that it wasn't an easy recovery run. I wanted to run further and faster.

I didn't feel discouraged and depressed anymore - I felt anxious and excited. I'm so ready. I want to run this race!

I still have one more 20-miler to complete this weekend, and several more track workouts and tempo runs, but I feel pretty sure that they're just the icing on the cake.

The real work is done, and I'll put it all into practice very soon. Not soon enough, but very soon.