Since I have a case of insomnia, and have been up since about 3:30 and don't feel like I'm going to sleep anytime soon, I figured it was as good a time as any to do a quick recap of the race.
It was a great race, and I'm thrilled with how well I did, but the technical side of it was the least important part of the day.
Running and racing have always been a pretty emotional thing for me, and with everything that I've been through the past 3 weeks, and with what I suspect are some pretty wacky hormonal things going on with my body, today my emotions were running extra high.
My running has been only so-so as I've been going through this ordeal, and I've been nowhere near as fast as I had been running before this all happened, and haven't even been trying to run that fast, so I was shocked to find myself running at a 7:30 pace for the first mile, and feeling pretty good.
And although I got tired during the second mile, I still felt ok, and kept up the 7:30 pace for that mile, too. The third mile was where the fatigue really set in. I was struggling, but I knew I was almost there, and when I could see the RI State House (where the race began and ended), I dug down deep and found the tiny reserve of energy I had left for one last kick to the finish line, completing the final mile in 7:27 and the final .1 at a 6:58 pace.
Anger is a very powerful emotion, and I really feel like it's partially responsible for my fast pace today. I certainly haven't been training at that level, so never expected to run that fast. But I think it was my heart and my head that ran this race, and my body was just along for the ride.
As I waited at the starting line, I found myself on the verge of tears. And that feeling continued throughout most of the race. I can't even remember what was going through my head, but I feel like, over the course of those 23 minutes, I experienced all over again the past three weeks' of emotions - anger, grief, sadness, fear - it was all there, and it was overwhelming, but it wasn't closing in on me. Instead, I felt like I was letting go of a lot of it as I ran. Not all of it, certainly, but a lot of it.
As I finished the race and waited to see a few friends come in, the tears threatened again, but it was somehow a good thing.
It was a good day, but a strange one. I guess cathartic would be the best way to describe it. It definitely was something I needed, and I will continue to be unbelievably thankful that I have running to provide me the solace and the peace and the comfort that it has given me, time and time again, when things are rough.
The most important thing I took away from the race today was that, in the midst of all the emotions I was experiencing as I ran, I remember one specific moment where I honestly truly felt that everything is going to be ok. That's the first time I've felt that way since this all began a few weeks ago, and although it was just for one fleeting moment, just knowing that I could feel hopeful again was a really, really good thing.
And now that you think I'm a complete freak for babbling on and on, yes, I do remember that it was a race, and I did check the official results, and aside from all the emotional revelations, I am incredibly proud of myself for what I did today.
Given what I've been through recently, I think that running a 5K in 23:36 (only 15 seconds slower than my PR) is pretty fantastic. I was 38 out of 758 in my age group, and 273 out of 2100 overall.
A good race, and a good day.
A good day all around, and another reason why running is such a good thing :-)
Posted by: Wes | March 23, 2009 at 10:30 AM
It sounds like that race was exactly what you needed on a lot of levels. Great job!
Posted by: Chad in the AZ Desert | March 23, 2009 at 02:02 PM