Progress

After having a fabulous day on Tuesday, yesterday proved to be just the opposite. I had a doctor's appointment and an ultrasound, at which I expected to be told that the miscarriage was complete. My expectations were wrong, and as it turns out, I still need to go in for a D&C, which I'll be doing Tuesday. 

To say I was angry and upset is an understatement. 

However, I took a deep breath, went out for dinner with some friends, had a few drinks and a lot of laughs, and am feeling much better today. 

I'm still disappointed and angry and disgusted with the whole situation, but I no longer have any interest in sitting around dwelling on it. I just want it all to be over, so I'm anxious for Tuesday to get here and be done with. Closure really is important to the healing process, and I'm looking forward to having it. 

The doctor mentioned that they might be able to get me in for the procedure on Friday, but since I'm planning on running a 5K on Saturday, I opted to wait until next week. A week ago I wasn't sure I was even going to do this race anymore, but now I'm really looking forward to it, and I don't want that to be taken away from me. I've had too many things out of my control lately, and it feels kind of nice to be able to call the shots about something for a change. 

I really am looking forward to the race, too. Since I was up in the city yesterday, I picked up my race number and my timing chip and shirt, so I can avoid all the chaos Saturday morning. They've got about 2,000 registered already, so it's going to be a big event. 

I'm typically not a fan of huge races, but I'm kind of glad this is a big one - I think the excitement and the energy of a large crowd like that is going to be really good for me. And several people I know are running the race, so I'll hopefully meet up with them at some point before or after, so it should be a really fun day. 

This morning's run got me even more excited, too. I'm way beyond the point in my life where I go out and get drunk, but I did help myself to three glasses of wine last night, and had a big steak dinner and dessert, and didn't get to bed until after 11pm, and slept very restlessly (thanks to the afore-mentioned wine and steak and dessert, I'm sure), but still managed to crank out 4 miles at a very respectable 8:27 average pace - including an 8-minute 4th mile. And while I can't go so far as to say it felt effortless, it did feel pretty darn easy, which I really wasn't expecting, given all the factors that could have caused it to be a really rotten run. 

I'm not looking for a PR on Saturday, nor am I overly concerned with my time. I just want to run a good race and ENJOY myself, and after this morning, I feel completely confident that I will succeed on both counts. 

And aside from all that, I've got these two amazing, funny, adorable little boys who have been as entertaining as ever. 

I think Gabe's head is going to explode when he wakes up Sunday morning and finally hears us answer "yes" when he asks - as he has every morning for the past 6 weeks - "Is it my birthday today?"   

When he asked me two weeks ago, I explained to him that his birthday was in two weeks, and showed him on a calendar how long that was, and he sighed and said "TWO WEEKS??!!! But that will take FOREVER!!!"   

He already had one celebration with my side of the family in CT last weekend, and will have another tomorrow when he brings cupcakes into school, and another on Sunday when we celebrate with Scott's family, and then one more when he has a party with friends next weekend. He has no idea how good he's got it. 

Since it's birthday time, we were talking about how old everyone is, and I asked Dante how old he is, and for some reason he has a hard time remembering that he's three. And Gabe was fooling around, pretending he didn't know, so they were both yelling out "2!  4!  5!"   And then Dante yelled out "I'm number one!"  I accepted that as the correct answer. 

Lately, if Gabe wants to know what we're doing, he'll come over and ask "Hey - what are you up to?" And last weekend he displayed just how immodest little kids can be - we were in the car on the way home from the parade and Dante was tired and fussy (and upset because he had just very clumsily - and pretty comically - walked right into a pole). So Gabe reached into the backseat and got Dante's special yellow blanket for him. And Mom and I both told Gabe how nice it was that he had done that for Dante, and that he was a good big brother. He nodded thoughtfully and said "Yeah, and I'm smart, too." 

One of the gifts he got for his birthday was a scooter, and he LOVES it. And he's actually been pretty good about sharing it with Dante, too. They've been doing a lot of "scootering" in the driveway, and it's really cute to watch them. I think the Easter bunny may bring Dante a scooter of his own, mostly because I think it would be really fun to take them both on the bike path and walk with them as they go "scootering" along. 

Gabe was so excited from all the celebrating on Saturday that he stayed awake for the entire drive back home, which is unusual. He usually falls asleep at some point. But instead he kept asking me where all his presents were. He was very nervous that I had forgotten something, and wanted to make sure that everything was accounted for. And then for the last 45 minutes of the ride, he recited "The Lorax" for me several times. We've been listening to the audiobook a lot lately, and also reading it pretty frequently, and he has nearly the entire book committed to memory. I was pretty impressed, since it's a long story! 

There's more I could write, but I'll save it for another day. 

Suffice it to say, my mood is on the upswing, and I've got a lot to be happy about and thankful for, and I'm going to do my best to keep my focus in that direction for the foreseeable future. Progress is good.

Comments

[SHawn]

Good luck with the race this weekend. I wanted to do it, but decided not to. Any plans for a triathlon this year? Chat with ya soon!

[Chad in the AZ Desert]

I think your attitude is fantastic with what you are going through. Good luck with the race this weekend!