I made sure to not go into the Providence half with any real expectations. I've run this race every year since it began, and that's the main reason I continue to run it every year - I've got a good streak going, and I'd like to keep it that way : )
It's a nice race, too, and it's been fun to see it grow over the years, and I do enjoy coming back every year. After all, if it wasn't a good race, the streak would have never begun!
I hadn't trained for it in any sense of the word this year, though, and although I hoped my marathon fitness would carry over into at least a decent performance, I knew that was in no way gauranteed.
So I'm truly not disappointed that it was far from a great race for me. There is part of me that wishes it had been - especially after seeing the age-group results and realizing that if I had run even close to my PR, I would have placed in my age group! But it wasn't my day, and that's alright, because I knew it might not be.
It's always such a strange feeling to go into a race without any real nervousness. I was a little jittery standing at the starting line, but that was really it. It was nice to not be so completely wound up and on edge for days before the race.
Driving up with friends was nice, too. I rarely travel to a race with anyone, and I actually do kind of enjoy the silence of being in the car by myself, but it was just as nice to have their company this tim : )
The full marathon starts half an hour before the half, and as we checked our bags we realized that the full was starting behind schedule - nearly 10 minutes late. We wondered if the half would be late, too.
And as I stood at the starting line waiting, and waiting, and waiting, that question was answered. Finally, nearly 20 minutes after 8am, the anthem was sung and we were on our way.
I knew I didn't want to spend a lot of time looking at my Garmin, but I also knew I'd look at it a few times in the first mile or two, to make sure I wasn't going out crazy fast, especially since the first two miles are flat and fast.
I did fine, though - 7:25 and 7:22. And I was feeling great, and even started thinking that maybe I had a PR in me after all. Then the hills started. This course isn't crazy hilly, but it does have a good amount of climbing. Miles 3, 4, and 5 all have some hills in them, and I slowed to 7:35, 7:35, and 7:32. And I was feeling way more tired way earlier than I ever have in a half.
And I honestly didn't go through much of a mental battle over whether or not I was going to give myself a pass today. I went back and forth a little bit, but just couldn't come up with any really compelling reasons to continue beating myself up.
I felt like I was fighting so, so hard to hold my pace in the 7:30s, and I didn't want to be fighting today. I didn't want to coast, but I didn't want to struggle, either, and right now, I was struggling.
So that was it. It was clear that I wasn't going to PR, and it was clear that I was hurting, and that wasn't what I was here for today, so I gave myself permission to back off and slow down, and that's exactly what I did.
The next few miles were not easy, but I slowed enough that they felt a little bit easier. The hill at mile 7 still crushed me, though. I can't remember the last time I ran above an 8-minute mile in a half-marathon, and I'm usually a very strong hill runner, but not today. Today the hills were destroying me.
Miles 6, 7, 8, and 9 - 7:46, 7:44, 8:09, 7:54. I have to admit, it felt a little discouraging to see those numbers on my Garmin, but I made my peace with it and tried to just enjoy being out there.
I got a little bit of energy back at mile 10, and ran that one in 7:31, but then slowed way down for the other sizable hill on the course - at mile 11 - for a 7:49 mile. At that point, I just wanted to be done, and the slower middle miles had allowed me to conserve a little bit of energy, so I did kick it back in for the final 2.1 - 7:24, 7:29, 7:09.
I crossed in 1:40:57, and was very happy to be done. It wasn't my toughest race, and it wasn't my worst race, but it clearly wasn't my best race. It was, truthfully, just a race. It felt kind of anticlimactic in that sense. But it was ok. I was done, and for not feeling very strong, I had still pulled off an ok performance, so I was going to focus on that.
I watched my friends come in (both had great races - hooray!), and then we all met up and rehashed the race and refueled before heading back home.
As I think about how the day went, I can really only come up with one reason I didn't race the way I should have - I simply did too much in the weeks following Boston.
I skimped on my recovery, and I paid for it yesterday.
I don't think the 5K alone was a bad idea, but I think the 5K one weekend, combined with the insanely hilly 18K the following weekend, was just too much. All of last week, my runs felt sluggish and slow, and my legs felt tight and sore. I knew that didn't bode well for the half, and my instincts were obviously correct.
But what's done is done, and I've learned my lesson. And now I'm going to listen to my body and give it the TLC that it desparately needs, by taking this week off from running entirely. As much as I want to go out and run, I know that if I do, I'm going to have that same sluggish, slow, creaky feeling I had last week, and I'm just going to be adding to the accumulated fatigue.
And if I want to have a good, fun, productive summer of racing, I need to give myself a chance to shake that fatigue and that soreness and rest up properly.
Another thing that made this race different from any other I've run was the very obvious and very visible increase in security. City, state, and military police were everywhere, many of them carrying rifles, some of them standing on rooftops, and many of them accompanied by bomb-sniffing dogs. I suppose it was good to know that they were there, and that the security had been stepped up.
But at the same time, it made me sad - sad that this is how it has to be now. I wonder if this is the new normal, or if it will be like this for a while, and then slightly less extreme as time passes.
Either way, it was a vivid reminder of what happened at Boston, and I have to admit, it did take away somewhat from the otherwise joyful atmosphere - at least for me. I haven't been thinking about Boston quite as intensely the past couple of weeks, and seeing all those armed officers brought it all back in a way I wasn't really ready for.
But the day was uneventful, and the prevailing mood was positive and uplifting, as a race finish line should be, and that was a good thing.
And despite my feeling pretty dismal and not putting forth my best effort, I still ran a 7:43 pace for 13.1 miles, and my 1:40 finish was good enough to put me in 6th place in my age group. I wish I had done better, but in the grand scheme of things, I have a lot to be proud of.
What I'm most proud of, though, is that I listened to what my body was telling me. I am not one to back down from a challenge, and I am not one to give in to pain or fatigue in a race. But what I was feeling Sunday wasn't pain - it was an exhaustion that I knew was more than just me having a tough day. It was an exhaustion that I've been fighting off since April 15th, and I can't fight it off anymore.
It wasn't a day to completely surrender and walk off the course, but it wasn't a day to fight, either, and I'm glad I was able to strike that balance.
The final numbers -
1:40:57, 7:43 pace
6 of 247 in my age group
41 of 1,158 females
195 of 1,923 overall
And now, I rest!
Fantastic race, Michelle!! And I love the new look of your blog. Sorry I'm just now catching up on blog reading. Running a half that soon after your full is impressive- you did awesome. And enjoy your rest!! I know the feeling. :)
Posted by: Laura @ Mommy Run Fast | May 22, 2013 at 02:43 PM