Me and The Boys

The Marathon

I'm not going to pretend that I'll be blogging with any regularity any time soon, but my first marathon since 2014 is right around the corner, and there are a lot of thoughts all jumbled up in my head, and it felt like it might be helpful to jot some of them down, so the blog is temporarily resurrected.

Marathon taper always messes with your head a little, but what's made this 26.2 even more challenging is that I was supposed to run it a month ago. But instead of running the PR (sub-8:00 pace) I had hoped for on April 15 in Newport, I was barely able to eke out 6 miles at an 8:30 pace that weekend, thanks to a rotten respiratory virus that had hit me earlier in the week and just wasn't letting go. 

 

Making the decision not to run the race was really not all that difficult. I felt terrible, and I knew I'd feel awful the whole time I was running, would finish far slower than I had planned, and would feel miserable about the whole experience. Of course there's always the chance that can happen in a marathon even if you're not sick at the start, but it was virtually guaranteed for me this time, so it just didn't make sense to push myself when I knew the outcome would be the complete opposite of what I had been hoping for and had trained for. 

If I hadn't gone through what I went through last year with my Boston training, I might have made a different decision. But to watch 4 months of training again be ripped out from under me and basically be a complete waste  - I just couldn't go through that for the second year in a row. I was confident I was making the right decision, and three weeks later, I feel the same. I know I did the right thing. 

So, it was on to Plan B, which turned out to be the Maine Coast Marathon in Kennebunk. The lure of the beautiful location, plus the fact that I had two friends running the race (one the 39.3 challenge(!!!) and one the half), and the fact that it gave me a month to regroup and get marathon-ready again all seemed to add up, so I went ahead and registered and did my best to cobble together two additional weeks of training. 

I did a good job keeping up my mileage, and even got in some mile repeats (in a horrific headwind) and a few tempo runs, and some more goal-marathon-pace miles. A very mild calf strain caused me to downgrade one speed workout from all-out 800s to slightly slower-paced 1,000s, but all-in-all, I got in two more solid weeks, and was more than ready to taper all over again. 

Delaying a goal marathon by a month doesn't seem like a lot, but when you've already gone through the entire cycle of training, and gotten over all the mental hurdles, and coasted into the taper and turned your weariness with training into excitement for racing - well, it's kind of hard to restart that process, and to have it all happen in such a condensed schedule. 

In a word, it's been kind of weird. 

I won't say that it's totally messed with my confidence, but it has shaken it a little. And even before all this happened, I've just felt different about this race than I did during my training for Boston last year. Aside from a few small hiccups, and a handful of missed runs, overall the training has gone very well, and the runs that left me feeling confident and strong far outweighed the runs that left me feeling broken down and defeated. But I wasn't brimming with confidence the way I was last year. 

So what I'm working on now is remembering why I should feel confident. Remembering finishing solo 20-milers with negative splits, uphill, in sub-zero temperatures and 20mph winds. Remembering fighting through track workouts that seemed nearly impossible - until I had completed them. Remembering mile after mile after mile run at or below my goal marathon pace - often at the end of a 20-miler - and how that pace came to feel so natural and comfortable, and how once I hit that pace, it felt like everything just clicked. 

In my head, I know that I've put in the training necessary to run the race I want to run. I just need to convince myself of that. I've always felt like mental toughness was one of my strengths, and I still feel like it is - it just needs a little boost at the moment. 

Throwing another wrench into things, though, is the weather. I've been stalking the forecast since the 10-day mark, and it went back and forth for a while between chance of showers and just cloudy, but now seems to have settled on this - 

Not ideal, to say the least. The rain and the colder temps wouldn't be that terrible in and of themselves, but then you throw in winds of 20 - 30 mph (occasionally over 40mph), and things really go downhill. 

Of course, it will all depend on whether the wind is in our faces or at our backs, and not knowing the course, I can't really say with any certainty which it will be, so it's definitely more than a little unsettling. 

But there's nothing I or anyone else can do about it. Weather is always the great unknown when it comes to marathon day, and all I can do at this point is prepare with the correct gear and with the knowledge that I am going to spend anywhere from 3 1/2 to 4 hours feeling cold and wet. 

I feel like my attitude at this point could be summed up with a giant shrug. Whatever will be, will be. I've trained, I'm eating my carbs, I'm hydrating, and I'll be on the starting line at 7:30am Sunday and we'll see what happens. 

Which is not to say that I don't intend to give it my all, because I do. But given the forecasted conditions, I have to be prepared for the reality that my all may result in a very different finishing time than I had trained for. And yes, it'll be disappointing if that's the case, but 20, 30, and 40mph winds are out of my control. I'll have to be happy walking away knowing that even if I don't accomplish my goal, I ran the best race possible on the day that I was given. 

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little upset, though. Last year's Boston training took a lot out of me - a lot more than the training I did for Philly in 2014. And this year's took even more out of me. Every year that goes by, these long, intense training cycles feel a little bit harder, and require a little bit more TLC and extra recovery. And I don't know how many more of them I have left in me.

I definitely intend to run more marathons (hopefully Boston among them), but training to run a marathon at an easy pace and training to race it are two very different things, and training to race this distance is really taking a toll on me (physically and mentally). 

Part of me wonders if the 3:30 at Boston 2013 was it. Maybe I'm just not going to crack that 3:30 mark. Maybe there's some reason it's supposed to be that way. And maybe that's ok - a 3:30 marathon on a really tough course is something to be pretty proud of as an all-time PR. Maybe taper is just making me crazy, and leaving me too much free time to overanalyze things. 

Maybe I just need to relax, lace up my shoes, and run my heart out on Sunday.  

See you at the finish line. 

My New Favorite Day of the Week

It's been a little tough for me to get excited about this round of marathon training, since it began only 2 and a half months after I ran Hartford.

There have definitely been moments where I've felt happy and excited and ready to get out there and get it done. But I have to admit that, as much as I love having a goal to work toward, and a plan to follow, diving into another marathon training program so soon is taking some getting used to, and I am fairly certain that I'll ever again run two marathons so close to each other.

I'm not all down in the dumps, though. I just have a lot of times where I look at the planned workouts and sigh, and wonder why I'm putting myself through this all over again.

Then I remember - I EARNED it, and I wanted it, and it's not a chore, it's my reward! I watched the start of the Gansett Marathon last year while out on a long run, and I was positively green with envy, watching that elite group of runners set out on the only qualifiers-only marathon. And I thought to myself that maybe someday, some year, I'd be there with them.

At that point, I never imagined this would be the year, and I like to navigate to the "qualified runners" page on the website once in a while and just smile at the sight of my name on that list.

So yeah, I definitely wanted this, and I definitely earned it, and I am going to be so amazingly proud to be standing on that starting line in April.

And that's what I have to keep in mind as I review that training plan, and as I set out for track workouts and long runs on these chilly winter mornings.

As it was when I crossed the finish line in Hartford, it will ALL be worth it in the end.

And there are times where I'm truly enjoying the process - like this morning, and last Thursday morning. Thursdays are tempo run days, and I am officially in love with the tempo run.

The tempo runs on this plan are scheduled to be 8-milers. Last week I did 7.5, this week I did 8. The pace is supposed to be anywhere from 7:25 to 7:40. Last week I ran a 7:24 pace. This week I ran 7:37.

Both runs felt positively incredible. It's hard to even describe, but it felt like my legs were just on autopilot. After quickly warming up at a slightly slower pace, everything just kicked into gear, and I felt like I was literally flying over the road.

Running at that pace for that distance is challenging for me (as it should be for a tempo run), but not so challenging that it's painful, and just challenging enough that it almost feels race-like, without being an all-out race effort.

There's that hint of adrenaline; that thrill of pushing yourself just beyond your comfort zone.

And of course there's just the fun of running fast - watching the trees and scenery go flying past, and seeing your shadow race alongside you.

These tempo efforts are definitely shaping up to be my favorite workouts of the week. They don't push me to the brink of exhaustion the way track intervals do, and they don't wear me down mentally the way long runs do. They're work, but they're also a ton of fun. And I feel damn near invincible when I finish an 8-mile run at what used to be my 5K pace.

Already looking forward to next Thursday!

Post-Marathon Musings

People say that you feel different after running a marathon. That there's life before the marathon, and life after the marathon. And I'd have to agree with that. Running 26.2 miles changes you. You feel that if you can do that, you can do anything. I definitely felt that way after my first marathon.

And now, I'd have to say that I feel even more different after running a Boston qualifier. I KNOW that if I can do that, there isn't much that I can't do.

I still can't quite believe that I did it, and I keep looking at the results online to make sure that there wasn't some sort of mistake.

And I still can't believe I'm running the Gansett marathon in April. I remember last April, I was out for a long run the morning that the race was being held, and I ran past the beach in the hopes that I'd be able to see the start.

As it turned out, I timed it perfectly, and was literally just a few hundred feet from the runners as they took off. And I remember thinking "maybe someday I'll be there." At that time, I was thinking someday would be two or three years from now. And now here I am, already contemplating how I'm going to train. This is one of those times that I'm happy I was wrong : )

I have started doing some reading and research on training plans, but I'm not quite ready to get into the nitty gritty of it yet. I'm still enjoying having some down time, and running without purpose.

I was feeling worried the other day that I've lost my drive, and that I'm not going to be ready to dive back into a training program again in just a few months. But I know myself, and I know that I'm just taking a well-deserved break, and when the time comes to get back to work, I'll be more than ready.

I had toyed around with the idea of switching to a 5-day-a-week plan, but I don't think that would be a wise move. I did so well with the 3-day-a-week program, and was able to stay healthy and get faster, so I don't want to mess with that. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

That being said, the thought of following that same exact plan again is, frankly, horrifying. It was a great plan, and it worked, but I can't do those exact same workouts again just a few months later.

So I got a book called "Smart Marathon Training," and it's very similar - run 3 days a week, cross-train a few days a week, and every run is a quality one - speedwork or hills, tempo runs, and long runs.

The difference is that it allows for a little flexibility, which will be a welcome change.

And the other difference is that this time, I want to do well, and I'm hoping I can at least come close to the 3:43 I ran in Hartford. But I don't HAVE to. If I don't, I might be a little disappointed, but I've got my qualifier. I've achieved my ultimate marathon goal. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake.

It's a good place to be.

And in light of my training hiatus, I just decided that I'm going to run a fun 5K this Sunday. I won't be in costume, but a lot of people will, so it'll be very festive.

And I've been dying to run a 5K since I started doing all the speedwork during marathon training. I'm not going to race all-out, since I'm still only a few weeks post-marathon, but I am going to let myself run fast. I got up to a 7:30 pace on my run today, and it was so much fun. I'm excited to see what I can do Sunday : )

My new long-term goal is to break 21 minutes in a 5K. My PR right now is 22:20, and I think I can get under 22 minutes pretty easily (might even be able to pull it off Sunday, if things go well).

Getting under 21 minutes is going to take a lot more work, but I know I can do it. And now that I've checked "qualify for Gansett and Boston" off my list, I need a new goal.

Other thoughts are floating around in my head - thoughts about getting some swim coaching and really trying to place in my age group in a sprint triathlon, and tackling an Olympic distance, and maybe working toward a century ride......   So many things to think about. But for now, I'll focus on Gansett and a sub-21 5K. That seems like as good a place to start as any.

Better Late Than Never

School finally starts tomorrow - a week late. We're definitely all ready now! 

Supplies are packed in backpacks, lunches are in the fridge, and two little boys are up in their beds, not even close to being asleep.

I've read so many things that advise you to start getting ready for back to school at least a week ahead of time, by moving up bedtime and getting the kids back on a schedule.

And I know it makes good sense, but it also sounds like a real drag. So instead, we packed as much as we possibly could into these last few days of summer - which, for our family, means beach time, more beach time, and then even more beach time! 

Friday was just me and the boys in Narragansett, and we had an awesome time, aside from Gabe getting attacked by a seagull (no joke - a seagull flew down and grabbed his sandwich right out of his hand, and cut his finger in the process!).

Saturday we all went down to Roger Wheeler, and although it was a ltitle cool and very, very windy, we had such a great day.

I decided a few days ago that I would dump all their Happy Meal toys were going to become beach toys, figuring that a few of them would likely be 'accidentally' lost or forgotten in the sand. And I was right. We're already down at least 5 toys - and the boys hardly even noticed.

They did mention something about one of their Batman toys that went missing, and I told them that yes, it probably got buried in the sand, but that some day some other child would discover it on the beach and would be all excited that they found a hidden treasure, and they could bring it home and play with it, and they liked that idea. So, it's all good.

Anyway, the big bag 'o crappy toys (as I call it) proved to be a huge hit! They built fortresses, and bridges, and caves, and tunnels, and their superheroes and smurfs and Sponge Bobs and dinosaurs had countless adventures as the tide rose and receded. It was fabulous to see them playing so nicely, and so intently.

The storm had also washed up lots of driftwood, which added a whole new element to their sand sculptures. 

Saturday night we went to a friends' house for a back-to-school party - an annual tradition, and one we didn't want to miss, even though the boys had already had a very late night at Kids Night Out at the Y the night before.

And after two late nights and two full beach days, we packed up again Sunday morning for one final excursion. We met up with some friends at Narragansett, and soaked up every last bit of sun and sand that we could, and it was glorious. A great way to close out a wonderful beach season : )

I'm sad to see the summer end, but looking forward to getting everyone back on a schedule and back into a regular routine.

I'm also looking forward to wrapping up the final 6 weeks of training, and heading to Hartford to run this marathon!

The training is still taking a lot out of me, but I feel like I've turned a corner mentally. I definitely feel like the end is in sight, and that's made me be able to feel much more excited, and much less fed up with all the training.

I actually felt so positive, and so optimistic about last weekend's 20-miler, but then when I started running, it was just all wrong. I was so tired, and felt so slow, and my hip flexor was not feeling good at all, and it was the first time I ever seriously considered cutting short my long run. I was feeling that bad.

But I stopped for a bathroom break and had a gel at mile 5, and after I got going again, things improved dramatically. By the halfway point, I was feeling downright wonderful!

I was careful to not go too fast during the middle miles of the run - something I've been doing during my last few 20-milers - and maintained a much more consistent pace, and it paid off. I still felt a bit of a slump at the 15-mile mark, but it was nowhere near as bad as it has been.

And my goal for the 20 miles was an 8:53 pace, and I ran 8:52. Doesn't get much better than that!

Last Tuesday's track workout was daunting - even more so than some of the other insane track workouts I've already completed. 3 x (2 x 1200 @ 5:10). And with the insanity of last week's three-day-long power outage, I was feeling completely unmotivated and negative, and absolutely dreading the workout. And I also couldn't run on my regular track, so I was feeling very out of sorts the second I started warming up.

The first two sets of 1200 were awful. I was struggling, and wanting to quit so bad, and ended up a good 8 - 10 seconds over my planned pace. Instead of jogging for my recovery on the next two sets, I walked, and it seemed to help.

I also focused on running a more consistent pace, and that helped a ton. I STILL struggle with going out too fast - in races, in track workouts, and sometimes on long runs, too. Maybe someday I'll learn to get that under control.

The more consistent pacing did the trick, though. And once I got through the second two sets, I knew there were only two left, and I knew I could get them done.

And as it turns out, those were the two best sets of the entire workout. I ran the final 1200 in 4:59!!!!!  My jaw dropped when I saw those numbers on my Garmin. And surprisingly, that final 1200 felt better than any of the other ones I had run.

So, once again, a slow start, but a strong finish. That's definitely the way to do it - much, much better than the other way around!

Thursday's tempo went well, as my tempo runs always do. They're as close as this plan comes to an 'easy run,' so I really enjoy them.

And this past weekend I 'only' had to run 15 miles, which felt blissfully easy after having already run three 20-milers.

The pace was relatively quick - 8:37 (goal was 8:43) - but I felt great the whole time. Some fatigue on the hills, but nothing that slowed me down significantly, and I finished up the run feeling so strong, and so ready for this race.

I know there's still 6 more weeks to go, but it's feeling so much more real now that it's getting closer and closer.

And every week that goes by, I become more and more confident in this training plan. I feel like it's working exactly the way it should, and that all of my responses - physically and emotionally - have been right on target. My pace for the long runs and the track workouts seems perfect - not easy, but still within reach.

And just when I was feeling like I couldn't take any more, and wondering how on earth I'd ever keep up with this level of training for another 6 weeks, I'm suddenly feeling like it's almost over, and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

That confidence can be fleeting, and I have already begun having pre-race jitters, and I cannot even imagine what a wreck I'm going to be when taper rolls around.

But I am very certain that I chose the correct plan, and that I'm following it the way I should, and if everything falls into place the way it should, I will be able to pull this off. 

Better Late Than Never

School finally starts tomorrow - a week late. We're definitely all ready now! 

Supplies are packed in backpacks, lunches are in the fridge, and two little boys are up in their beds, not even close to being asleep.

I've read so many things that advise you to start getting ready for back to school at least a week ahead of time, by moving up bedtime and getting the kids back on a schedule.

And I know it makes good sense, but it also sounds like a real drag. So instead, we packed as much as we possibly could into these last few days of summer - which, for our family, means beach time, more beach time, and then even more beach time! 

Friday was just me and the boys in Narragansett, and we had an awesome time, aside from Gabe getting attacked by a seagull (no joke - a seagull flew down and grabbed his sandwich right out of his hand, and cut his finger in the process!).

Saturday we all went down to Roger Wheeler, and although it was a ltitle cool and very, very windy, we had such a great day.

I decided a few days ago that I would dump all their Happy Meal toys were going to become beach toys, figuring that a few of them would likely be 'accidentally' lost or forgotten in the sand. And I was right. We're already down at least 5 toys - and the boys hardly even noticed.

They did mention something about one of their Batman toys that went missing, and I told them that yes, it probably got buried in the sand, but that some day some other child would discover it on the beach and would be all excited that they found a hidden treasure, and they could bring it home and play with it, and they liked that idea. So, it's all good.

Anyway, the big bag 'o crappy toys (as I call it) proved to be a huge hit! They built fortresses, and bridges, and caves, and tunnels, and their superheroes and smurfs and Sponge Bobs and dinosaurs had countless adventures as the tide rose and receded. It was fabulous to see them playing so nicely, and so intently.

The storm had also washed up lots of driftwood, which added a whole new element to their sand sculptures. 

Saturday night we went to a friends' house for a back-to-school party - an annual tradition, and one we didn't want to miss, even though the boys had already had a very late night at Kids Night Out at the Y the night before.

And after two late nights and two full beach days, we packed up again Sunday morning for one final excursion. We met up with some friends at Narragansett, and soaked up every last bit of sun and sand that we could, and it was glorious. A great way to close out a wonderful beach season : )

I'm sad to see the summer end, but looking forward to getting everyone back on a schedule and back into a regular routine.

I'm also looking forward to wrapping up the final 6 weeks of training, and heading to Hartford to run this marathon!

The training is still taking a lot out of me, but I feel like I've turned a corner mentally. I definitely feel like the end is in sight, and that's made me be able to feel much more excited, and much less fed up with all the training.

I actually felt so positive, and so optimistic about last weekend's 20-miler, but then when I started running, it was just all wrong. I was so tired, and felt so slow, and my hip flexor was not feeling good at all, and it was the first time I ever seriously considered cutting short my long run. I was feeling that bad.

But I stopped for a bathroom break and had a gel at mile 5, and after I got going again, things improved dramatically. By the halfway point, I was feeling downright wonderful!

I was careful to not go too fast during the middle miles of the run - something I've been doing during my last few 20-milers - and maintained a much more consistent pace, and it paid off. I still felt a bit of a slump at the 15-mile mark, but it was nowhere near as bad as it has been.

And my goal for the 20 miles was an 8:53 pace, and I ran 8:52. Doesn't get much better than that!

Last Tuesday's track workout was daunting - even more so than some of the other insane track workouts I've already completed. 3 x (2 x 1200 @ 5:10). And with the insanity of last week's three-day-long power outage, I was feeling completely unmotivated and negative, and absolutely dreading the workout. And I also couldn't run on my regular track, so I was feeling very out of sorts the second I started warming up.

The first two sets of 1200 were awful. I was struggling, and wanting to quit so bad, and ended up a good 8 - 10 seconds over my planned pace. Instead of jogging for my recovery on the next two sets, I walked, and it seemed to help.

I also focused on running a more consistent pace, and that helped a ton. I STILL struggle with going out too fast - in races, in track workouts, and sometimes on long runs, too. Maybe someday I'll learn to get that under control.

The more consistent pacing did the trick, though. And once I got through the second two sets, I knew there were only two left, and I knew I could get them done.

And as it turns out, those were the two best sets of the entire workout. I ran the final 1200 in 4:59!!!!!  My jaw dropped when I saw those numbers on my Garmin. And surprisingly, that final 1200 felt better than any of the other ones I had run.

So, once again, a slow start, but a strong finish. That's definitely the way to do it - much, much better than the other way around!

Thursday's tempo went well, as my tempo runs always do. They're as close as this plan comes to an 'easy run,' so I really enjoy them.

And this past weekend I 'only' had to run 15 miles, which felt blissfully easy after having already run three 20-milers.

The pace was relatively quick - 8:37 (goal was 8:43) - but I felt great the whole time. Some fatigue on the hills, but nothing that slowed me down significantly, and I finished up the run feeling so strong, and so ready for this race.

I know there's still 6 more weeks to go, but it's feeling so much more real now that it's getting closer and closer.

And every week that goes by, I become more and more confident in this training plan. I feel like it's working exactly the way it should, and that all of my responses - physically and emotionally - have been right on target. My pace for the long runs and the track workouts seems perfect - not easy, but still within reach.

And just when I was feeling like I couldn't take any more, and wondering how on earth I'd ever keep up with this level of training for another 6 weeks, I'm suddenly feeling like it's almost over, and I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.

That confidence can be fleeting, and I have already begun having pre-race jitters, and I cannot even imagine what a wreck I'm going to be when taper rolls around.

But I am very certain that I chose the correct plan, and that I'm following it the way I should, and if everything falls into place the way it should, I will be able to pull this off. 

Ups and Downs

Less than two weeks to go, and I'm now struggling with wanting the summer to last forever, but also kind of looking forward to being back on a regular schedule again.

Luckily, fall in New England can bring some of the most beautiful weather of the year, so the boys will be back in school all day and we'll also (hopefully) still be able to be outside doing all sorts of fun activities on the weekends, so we'll get the best of both worlds.

We're going to eke out every last bit of summer fun that we can in this final week and a half, though. Tomorrow's plan is the Washington County Fair with Grammy and Grampy, which will be a great time, as always.

And today, even though it was cloudy and on the cool side, we went to the beach, and it was one of the most fun beach days we've had all summer. I love how quiet it is on cloudy days - no crowds to deal with, and tons of space for the kids to run around.

There's been a touch of fall in the air on the cooler days we've had lately - especially in the mornings. And I have to admit, I am enjoying the drier air and cooler temps when it comes to running. I know there' will still be more warm and humid air to contend with, but a small respite here and there has been very refreshing.

Those cooler, more comfortable temperatures, combined with me finally (finally!) feeling like I've bounced back from my super hectic month of July racing, has translated into some of the best runs I've had in a long time.

This past weekend's long run was only 13 miles, but at a much faster pace than I'd typically do a long run - 8:39. But I did it, and I felt great - even managed to run 5 seconds per mile faster than planned!

And my last two track workouts have gone really well, too. Last week was 6 x 800, and I was well under my goal pace for all but one of the intervals. Today's workout was 12 x 400, at 1:39, and I was thrilled to be either on or slightly below target for every single one of those 12 intervals.

Nothing like a few really good runs to bring your confidence levels back up!

This marathon training experience has been vastly different from my last one, though. Last time I was training just to complete the distance. It still felt all-consuming, and I still put in the miles, but it was nowhere near as difficult as this plan. Not surprising, given that I'm trying to run those same 26.2 miles a full 35 minutes faster than I did the first time around. Not surprising at all, but still eye-opening.

Physically the workouts are much more challenging, and I've noticed that each time I start a run, I need a few minutes to get warmed up, which is something I've never really felt before. I used to be one of those people who would literally hit the ground running - no warmup needed, no sluggishness to shake off in the first mile.

But I think now that I'm pushing myself so much harder with every run, it's a little bit harder to bounce back and recover from these workouts, and those first few minutes warming up is part of that process.

But way more difficult than the physical challenges are the mental and emotional challenges.

After I ran that first marathon a few years ago, I remember telling people that the training was so much harder than the race itself, and now I stand by that statement more than ever.

I know running the race in October is going to be hard - no doubt about it - but getting through these 16 weeks is so much harder.

I'm approaching the halfway point, and I find myself experiencing so many emotions every time I look at the training plan that's hanging on the fridge.

At times I look at the track workouts and I'm positively frightened. Other times I feel like I can't wait to take on the challenge. Most times I look at the temp runs, I feel a little bit of relief, as those are some of the least stressful ones for me, although still tough. The long runs - when I look at those, I mostly just feel tired.

And at first I was concerned that I was getting too beaten down, too discouraged.

There have been many occasions lately where I've daydreamed about just putting my shoes on and going for a run - just for the sake of running. No Garmin, no goals, no training, no pressure. Just a run.

There are days where I feel like I wish the race was only 2 weeks away, so I could just get it over with.

And there have been days that I think about all the things that could go wrong on race day, rendering all the training irrelevant, because there are so many things that are out of my control, that could potentially go wrong, and could prevent me from running the race that I've trained to run.

At times, it all seems like it's Just. Too. Much.

But I think that's actually pretty normal. These feelings weren't quite as intense when I trained last time around, but they were lurking there below the surface. 

And for as many days that I have where I'm feeling discouraged and sick of the grind, there are equally as many that I walk around oozing endorphins as a result of a great workout, and I can see myself celebrating at the finish line in a few months.

It's a lot of ups and downs, to be sure, but I know it's worth it, because this is something that I used to think was impossible, but now I'm on the brink of really making it happen - not through luck, but through hard work and dedication and perseverance.

So I'll continue to work hard, and I'll continue to deal with the emotional ups and downs, and I'll continue to have a smile on my face as I check off each completed workout on the training plan, knowing that I just took a few more steps toward victory.

And So It Begins

I had an awesome run Saturday morning. Awesome. I didn't have to get up at the crack of dawn, since there were no T-ball or soccer games that I had to get home for, and it felt luxurious to sleep until 6am and leave the house at 6:45. How life has changed...

It was a little warm and humid, but very overcast, so not too uncomfortable. I had planned on 12 or 13 miles, but ended up going 14. And aside from a litlte bit of fatigue during miles 10 to 12, I felt great the whole time. And I ran at an average pace of 8:46. And it felt easy.

As I was running the latter miles, and marveling at how good I felt maintaining that pace over that long a distance, I knew that my mind had been made up. I think my mind was made up a while ago, but I haven't wanted to fully commit myself, due to lingering injury paranoia. But I am now officially on the road to Hartford on October 15th, which will hopefully put me on the road to Boston or Gansett the following spring.

It feels a little scary to say it out loud, but I also feel confident and optimistic.

My training program will begin at the end of June, but I've already begun upping my mileage on my long runs, and I'm glad I have, because it's a huge mental boost to have a 14-mile run feel easy, since I'm looking at a plan that has me running five 20-milers between now and race day. But now that I've already done two 14-milers and a 16-miler, I'm not even that intimidated by the 20-mile distance, so I'm feeling good : )

What's scaring me a little bit now is the speedwork. I'm scheduled for one track workout a week, and I took a stab at my first one this morning. The last time I ran repeats was, um.....  I have no idea when. That's how long it's been. And I definitely had forgotten how much they hurt!

It didn't help that this morning was the warmest weather I've run in so far this year. And I'm also battling a cold or allergies, or a combination of the two, and woke up feeling very foggy and tired and out of sorts. I was almost going to skip the speedwork altogether and just go for an easy run, but I decided to do a warmup and see how I felt once I got moving.

And I ended up feeling like I was up to it, so I gave it a shot. My goal was 4 x 800 (3:23), with 400 m rest intervals. I ran the first 800 in 3:36. Clearly not on target, but give the conditions, I was ok with that. Second one was 3:34, third one was 3:31, and fourth one was 3:33. And I was spent. Done.

I'm a little disappointed that I was so far off my target pace, but I also think I need to cut myself a little slack, since this was my first attempt at this in a long, long time, and the combination of not feeling too great and running in really warm weather for the first time all year definitely has to be factored in. So, all in all, I feel like it was a good first effort, and I'm looking forward to having another go at it next week.

Those workouts are definitely going to be the hardest part of the training plan, though. I feel really good about the long run on the weekend, and the tempo run during the week. Those moderate paces really agree with me. But even though the speedwork is intimidating to me, I can't get myself all freaked out about it. It's something I know I need to do, and I know it's going to make me faster, so the payoff will be worth it.

Now I just need to get myself acclimated to the heat. In typical New England fashion, our temperatures have gone from 50 to 80 in the blink of an eye. Tough for running, but great for hitting the beach, which we did yesterday afternoon for the first time!  It was cloudy when we got there, but the sun came out shortly afterward, and we had a great afternoon.

This was Carmine's first time at the beach as a fully mobile toddler, and he seemed a little unsure about the whole thing at first. But once I filled up a bucket with water, he got busy putting stuff in it, and that kept him occupied for a while.

He also wandered off a lot, though, which I was expecting. My chair isn't going to be getting a lot of use during our beach time this summer, that's for sure. But even though I had to spend a lot of time chasing him around, we still had a blast. So nice to finally be back out there, after such a long winter and a practically nonexistent spring.

The whole long weekend was fun. We kicked things off with a bbq Friday night at our house with 4 other couples and their kids. We had 10 adults and 12 kids total, so it was noisy and crazy, but it was a beautiful night, so the kids were able to run around outside all night, which was great. So nice to see friends we haven't hung out with in a long time, and something we need to do more often, especially now that we have our nice new deck to hang out on!

And Sunday was another cookout, with the whole family in CT. As always, it was such a treat to see all the cousins running around together. They play so well together, and they have so much fun - it makes me so happy that they're able to get together as often as they are.

It was an exciting weekend for Carmine, too - he said his second and third words!  His first word was 'slide' - he said that right around his first birthday, because his birthday present was a slide. But since then, there have been no recognizable words - until Saturday, when he said 'potato,' making his Grampy, who grew up on a potato farm, very proud : )  And later that day, he picked up one of Scott's sandals, and I said "that's Daddy's shoe," and he held it up and said "Daddy."  And he also will imitate a "woof" sound when he's playing with a little toy dog he has. It's so cute to finally hear him saying actual words!

Still a long way to go, and I'm still glad we're having Early Intervention come out to work with him, but he's on his way. Soon enough he'll be talking my ear off just like his big brothers!

And speaking of his big brothers, they're doing well, too. Gabe is excited to be in his last few weeks of school, and is even more excited that I'm going to chaperone his last field trip this year. I'm excited, too. I've wanted to go on others, but with Dante and Carmine at home, it just hasn't been doable. But this time Scott is taking the day off to be with Dante and Carmine, so I can go with Gabe's class. It should be a fun day.

Gabe is also totally Star Wars obsessed right now. He's constantly reading his Star Wars Lego dictionary book, and watching all the movies, and even writing Star Wars stories - very long, detailed stories, with dialogue and everything! He's learned so much this year, it amazes me. He's such a different little boy than he was at the end of Kindergarten, and seems so much more grown up. If I think about it too much, it makes me sad, so I'm choosing to just focus on how proud I am of him : ) 

The other day he brought home a picture he drew at school, and it was a picture of someone on a riding lawn mower, and underneath it he had written "long mower."  Even though he's getting to be a big kid, he still has some cute little slipups to make me laugh.

Dante's still chock full of them, too. I was thinking the other day that I'm going to be really sad when he stops calling it the "diming room."  And the day when he stops saying "fribsee" is going to break my heart.

But for now, I'm just happy that the weather's warm enough for "babing suits" and the "slipping slide."  : ) 

Some Stuff, and Some Other Stuff

Dante continues with a steady stream of one-liners, and I know I'm forgetting many of them, but here's a few that I can remember -

We were at the mall yesterday afternoon, and as we walked past Victoria's Secret, he commented "Hey, that looks like a nice store!"

He was looking at one of my race t-shirts the other day and he pointed to one of the logos on the back and asked "Who is this proud sponsor?"

And today at dinner, he told me that his friend Alex at school said she didn't want to marry him - she wants to marry another boy in his class. I asked him if that made him sad. He replied, very matter-of-factly "No, I'll just marry Sarah. I forgot to ask her today, so I'll ask her tomorrow."

Carmine gets more and more entertaining every day, too. He's becoming Mr. I Want To Do It Myself. I was feeding him yogurt at dinner tonight, and he was getting really mad and kept yelling and gesturing toward the spoon, so I put the bowl in front of him and gave him the spoon, and he fed himself. It was messy (Gabe was really grossed out), but he did better than I thought he would.

He also put his vest on the other day all by himself. Granted, he put it on his head like it was a hat, but he put it on! And he tries desperately to put his shoes on by himself, but it'll be a little while before he can do that one succesfully. He gets so mad when he can't do it, though : ( 

He loves playing with his brothers more than anything in the world. Last night he was up in their room playing trains with them, and he was driving his train along the tracks just laughing and laughing. And yesterday morning, the three of them were all sitting on the couch watching Scooby-Doo. It was beyond cute.

I'm hoping, of course, that this eagerness to be independent, and just like the big boys, is going to mean he'll be potty trained really, really early. I can hope, can't I?

Now that the dust has settled from the boys moving into their new room, Gabe was able to get a few nights of really good, solid sleep, and it showed in his behavior. The week after they moved in, when he was staying up half the night, he had some problems at school. Nothing major - just being loud and disruptive and silly - but it was out of character for him, given how well he's been doing lately. But now that he got caught up on his sleep, it's so apparent that being tired really throws him off.

It's been really tough to make that sink in with him, though. He complains that sleep is boring, and he hates sleeping. It's more fun to stay up and play. And even though we've explained the direct correlation between him staying up late and being tired and getting in trouble, as opposed to going to sleep early and having a great day - it just doesn't matter to him.

And we can't MAKE him go to sleep. So we'll just keep working on it, and hope that he has more early nights than late nights. He can handle one or two late nights a week, but more than that, and things start to go downhill.

Also related to the dust finally settling post-construction, I'm in full-on organizing and cleaning mode. The house was such a shambles for so long - stuff piled everywhere, dust all over everything, boxes and books and clothes shoved into closets just to get them out of the way.....   it's been driving me batty!!!

So I'm now working in a frenzy to get it all put back where it belongs, and made a lot of progress this week. Our formal living room actually looks like a living room again, and the dining room table is no longer buried under stuff. It feels really good to finally feel like I have my house back!

I'm also now completely obsessed with marathon training. I still haven't registered for Hartford, and I still have several weeks before training would officially begin, but I'm ramping up my mileage a bit to see how my body responds. I'm still increasing at a safe rate, but I want to push it a little bit now, and see how it goes.

To that end, I did a 5-mile run today. The training plan I'm following has a bunch of parameters for training runs, and it says that if I want to train to run a 3:40 marathon, I should be able to run 5 miles in 39:10. My 5-mile run today - 38:30  : )   That's a 7:42 pace. For 5 miles.

I'm still paranoid about getting injured, and I'm still nervous that this isn't going to work out for some reason, but those thoughts are more often getting pushed out by the fact that this just feels like my year. I really feel like this is going to happen. I hope my instincts are right.

And yes, I did say up there that I'm going to train to run a 3:40, not a 3:45 (my current qualifying time). Based on my current 5K and half-marathon PRs, I should be able to run a 3:40. It's aggressive, but it's doable. And I figure if I train for 3:40 and fall a little short, I've got a few minutes breathing room, so I'd still be ok.

This weekend I'm shooting for 13 - 14 miles, but I'll be keeping that at a slower pace - around 9-minute miles. The week after that, I'm going to take it easy a bit, but then the following week, I'll do a sort of test run of the training plan - something the book recommends - completing one of each of its "key workouts" in a single week. The first workout will be a track workout - 5 x 1000m at 4:16. The second workout will be a 3-mile run in 22:45. The third workout will be a 15 - 20-mile run at 8:48 pace. If I can complete those three workouts in one week, then I've picked the correct training plan for my fitness level.

It'll be a big week, but I'm excited. I'm nervous, but I'm excited. When I was running today, I felt healthier and stronger than I ever have.

There are still a lot of unknowns, and there's still a lot of work to be done, but I could very well be on my way......