Me and The Boys

Back to Reality

The week that Dante went back to school (August 27 - otherwise known as TOO EARLY FOR SCHOOL!) was tough. Carmine and Gabe were still on vacation, and it felt wrong for us to go out and have all sorts of fun adventures while Dante was stuck in school, so it was a pretty quiet three days. And it also felt like we were in limbo. Kind of a strange week, and I was glad when the weekend arrived. 

Despite some iffy weather forecasts, we enjoyed a beach day on Saturday, a great day with the family in CT on Sunday, and what ended up being what we think was one of the best beach days of the entire season on Monday.

We stayed until 5pm that day, and if the kids hadn't had school the next day, we would have stayed later.  It was very difficult to leave.  (made more difficult by Carmine entertaining us by running up to random people at the beach, shaking their hands, and saying "Hi! My name is Carmine, and I'm making friends.") 

We had such a spectacular summer, and as I do every year, I struggled with it ending. It didn't help that last week - the first week that all three of them were in school - was a week of absolutely perfect beach weather.

I made it there one afternoon by myself and I did enjoy the quiet for a little while. But I missed my boys. I felt so bad for them being stuck in school when we could have been spending all day on the sand. 

And I know the reality of that picture is that the 'perfect beach day with my boys' is usually punctuated with fights and pestering and whining and complaining. But in the end, it's still a perfect day when we get to spend it by the water, and it made me sad to not be able to do that with them. 

We did pack them all up and have dinner at the beach Friday night, and it was the best possible way to end the first week of school. We even ran into some friends, and stayed until it got dark. 

As I do every summer, I made a photo book of all our pictures from June, July, and August, and it arrived yesterday, and even though I've seen all the photos countless times, I still loved looking through it - and I'm sure I'll love it even more when it's 0 degrees and snowing this winter. 

We definitely made some memories this summer, and I'm glad the boys will have the photos to look back on. I know they appreciate everything we do - every time we went somewhere special this summer, Dante would come over to me at some point during the day and give me a huge hug and proclaim it "the BEST DAY EVER!" and me "the BEST MOM EVER!"  

Which is why I wasn't at all insulted or upset when he was talking to a friend outside on the blacktop on the first day of school, and the friend asked him what he had done this summer, and Dante's answer was "you wouldn't believe all the cool stuff we found in Minecraft." 

The transition to school hasn't been without its challenges, particularly thanks to Gabe's very early bus pickup, and the fact that all three kids are in different schools, with different dropoff and pickup times, and I am constantly feeling like I've forgotten to get someone or bring someone somewhere. 

We're getting the hang of it, though, and the onslaught of school paperwork has slowed down somewhat, too, which helps. 

We also snuck in one more little summer-ish adventure this past weekend, when we spent the day exploring in Jamestown. I had heard of Fort Wetherill before, but didn't really know anything about it, so it was fun to check it out. It's sort of a creepy old abandoned fort, but has some really spectacular views, and the area is dotted with little coves/beaches where we found a huge amount of sea glass.

Top it all off with lunch at East Ferry Deli and ice cream on the way home, and it was a hugely successful day! 

I always feel so conflicted at this time of year. There is such a big part of me that thrives on routine and schedules, and there is something about the rhythm of the school day that I like, once we settle into it. And yes, having a few hours of quiet is nice, too. 

But especially as the boys get older, and we can do so many more cool, fun, interesting things with them, it's tough when those summertime adventures have to come to a close. I love all our outings just as much as they do - there's nothing like watching them experience things that I've seen or done, and getting to see it through their eyes. 

And even better - doing stuff with them that I've never done before, like our first trip to the waterpark last year, and our trip to Plymouth Plantation this year. Sharing things like that with your kids is one of the best parts of parenting, I think - or one of the most fun parts, at least. 

September in Rhode Island is typically a pretty beautiful month, and I know we'll still do a ton of fun stuff on the weekends, but it never has quite the same magical summer feel to it. 

One other way I tried to capture some of that summer magic:  about 9 years ago, when Gabe was still a baby, I found this book called "At the Beach" at the local consignment shop and bought it for 25 cents. 

I loved it then, and I still love it now. It's so simple, but I love the way it reads - it just sums up the beach so beautifully, and every time I read it, I'd picture scenes from our own beach days. 

So this year, I decided to stop imagining that in my head and re-create the book using our own beach pictures. I love how it came out, and the boys seem to like it, too. 

It's a nice memento, and something I hope will become as tattered and worn as the original. 

But for now, back to reality it is, and we're doing our best to ease into it. I miss my boys, but I'm also proud of them and happy to see how well they're all adjusting and how much they love to learn. 

And there's still plenty of magic to be found out there - just a different kind of non-summer magic. We'll find it, though - we're not the type to just sit around and wait for it to come to us. 

 

Time Marches On

I'm a pretty sentimental person, and I get a little melancholy at certain stages of the boys' lives, but for the most part, I revel in them growing up and becoming more independent - that's what's supposed to happen, after all, and it's a privilege to watch and be a part of it. 

But then there are moments that their little incremental steps away from us suddenly become giant leaps, and it takes my breath away and brings a tear to my eye. And lately, it seems like there have been a lot of those moments.

Gabe is on the verge of honest-to-goodness teenage existence, and Dante is close behind. Carmine is still along way off from that, but is light years ahead of where Gabe and Dante were at age 4.5. 

The changes aren't truly monumental ones, but as a mom who's kept these boys under nearly constant surveillance since the second they were born, they feel monumental. But they need to happen.

So when I picked them up from camp a few weeks ago, and Dante jumped up and started to run over to me, but then caught himself and sat back down and played it cool, I didn't take it personally. 

And when I wanted to take a picture of Gabe the first day he had his braces on, and he said no, because he didn't want me to post it on Facebook, I completely understood and respected that request (one he's never, ever made before). 

 

And when Gabe and Dante asked us the other day if they could go for a walk on the beach with their friend, we said yes. And when I was at the grocery story today with all three of them and Carmine needed to go to the bathroom, I asked Gabe to take him while Dante and I finished up the shopping. And when we forgot something from our locker up at the beach pavilion this morning, I gave Dante the key and asked him to go get it.

 

And as hard as it can be to just Let. Them. Go. and do these things on their own, it's also kind of liberating and rewarding.

Rewarding in the sense that although I constantly feel like I'm totally screwing this up, I'm doing enough right that I can trust my 10-year-old to take care of his little brother for a few minutes in a public place - and I can count on my 8-year-old to operate a key and door lock - and more importantly, remember to bring the key back!  And I can give Gabe $10 and have him go get us a snack at the concession stand at the beach. 

No, these are not complicated, enormous tasks, but believe me, there are moments in our everyday life where I doubt their abilities to do simple things like that, so it's gratifying to see that they are in fact completely capable.

And it's liberating - and somewhat exhilirating - to know that I can rely on them to DO STUFF for me! I don't always have to be the one to drag Carmine to the bathroom. I don't always have to be the one to go and get stuff for us. I don't have to be on top of them every single second. 

I know the day will come that I will miss their noise and chaos at the beach, and that I'll wish they were sitting right beside me instead of off hanging out with their friends. But I also know that this is exactly what's supposed to be happening, and that (and the silence and the chance to sit and relax for a change, which, at the moment, I treasure) makes it easier.

They still need us - and they still let us know that on a very regular basis - but this newfound independence is a fascinating and beautiful and amazing thing, and as much as it makes me a bit sad, it also makes me incredibly proud. 

Our job as parents is to send these little people off into the world to do their thing and make their mark, and it's exciting to see them beginning to embark on that journey, and to wonder where on earth it's going to end up. 

On The Eve of Summer

My poor neglected blog. I think all the time about writing, but there just are not enough hours in the day. I've thought about just giving up on it altogether, but I think about how much I love having all of this written down (and printed and bound into books every year) as an account that hopefully the boys will read someday, and be reminded of all the things that they (and we) have lost track of with the passage of time. 

So I won't give up on it, but I have accepted that it's going to be something I do pretty infrequently, and that just has to be ok. As much as I love writing about all our adventures, it's more important that I'm out there living them, and whatever time is left over, I'll do my best to maintain some sort of record of them here. 

Carmine is the first subject that comes to mind, because he is really, really coming into his own. He's forceful, rather loud, hilarious, sweet, curious, and completely over the top in every way. He is going to make his mark on this world, and he's already off to a good start. When I meet other parents from his preschool class, they all say "Oh, you're Carmine's mom? I hear all about Carmine all the time." (and it's not because he's getting in trouble - he just has a way of making himself known). 

He's got a veritable treasure trove of one-liners - I can't even keep up with them, there are so many. He said to me one day "Can we go to the coffee shop, Mommy? You know - that place where all the girls that work there like me."  And in the two weeks leading up to Mother's Day, he kept wishing me a Happy "Smothers" Day. He also still has a few funny word mixups - tehgar for guitar, merote for remote, and bullzoder. I'm always a little sad when they lose those little mispronunciations, though, so I'm not in a hurry to correct him. 

 

 

His preschool is offering a full-day option for the 4-year-old class next year, and I briefly considered enrolling him, because he'll turn 5 in January, and I think he could handle a full day schedule. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn't quite ready to give him up for the entire day just yet. I want to have my last year with my last little guy entertaining me and keeping me company for part of the day. 

 

It seems like just yesterday I was thinking those same thoughts about Dante, who's now headed off to third grade next year, which just doesn't seem possible.

Due to being sick, he missed a big report presentation one day at school, and missed a field trip another day, and I think he was feeling kind of down about it, so last month, I surprised him and picked him up from school mid-morning and he and I and Carmine spent the day at the zoo. It was one of the most fun days I've had in a long time, and they seemed to have a blast, too.

 

 

I also indulged him on Mother's Day weekend, which he informed was also his Sock Monkey's birthday (according to the tag on his Sock Monkey beanie baby). When he first told me, I had no intention of celebrating a stuffed animal's birthday. But he was literally counting down the days and marking them off on his calendar, and the more I thought about it, I realized that he would probably never again ask me to do something like that, and even thought it was ridiculous, I didn't see any harm in doing it. 

 

So when we celebrated Mother's Day with the family in Connecticut, we also celebrated Sock Monkey's birthday. And the smile on Dante's face made it totally and completely worth it. 

 

 

He had another big moment earlier this month when he and I ran his second 5K together. We chose the Katie DeCubellis 5K, which I ran last year, and which is a really nice, well-organized, family-0riented race. I knew it would be a good one for us to do together. The only snafu was that it was a very warm day. We did a lot of walking, and there was one point where he told me that he "wanted to quit so bad, but he was having fun, too."  I told him therein lies the essence of racing. 

 

We didn't quit, though, and he actually placed 2nd in his age group and won a new boogie board! I think that was truly one of the best days of his life, and I'm so happy that we got to share it together.

 

As a bonus, we also won two raffle prizes, one of which was a giant plastic dump truck that Carmine is already making good use of at the beach, as well as a slew of gift cards, and a bucket of candy, and a few other goodies - it was definitely a lucky day for the San Antonio family. 

 

 

I continue to be astounded every day at how grown up Gabe is becoming. He's had a big year, with lots more homework, and lots more reports, and many more challenges, and he's met every one of them. It hasn't always been pretty - we had a few battles over projects and book reports and how to schedule work appropriately (he is completely incapable of admitting that anyone else is right) - but he's getting the hang of it, and I'm proud of all he's accomplished this year. And I'm also incredibly grateful to his teachers and his amazing school for doing such a great job getting him ready for 5th grade. 

They had a small 'moving on' ceremony for all the 4th graders who are leaving his school at the end of this year (they do have the option to stay there for 5th grade), and it was really nice. I nearly cried, but I held it together. I didn't want to embarass him.

I know we still have many more years at this school - 2 more for Dante, and 5 for Carmine - but Gabe moving on from there is a huge milestone, and it's definitely hitting me hard. It still seems like just yesterday we were there for his Kindergarten orientation. 

Last week, though, it was middle school orientation - and although he's sad about leaving KHA, he came home from the middle school program completely excited and enthusiastic, and telling me that he wants to go to middle school "RIGHT NOW!"  So, some sad times, but some very exciting times, too. 

And in between are the glorious weeks of summer vacation, and after the winter we had, we are ALL very much looking forward to spending lots of time outside in the sun and on the sand and in the ocean. 

We've only made it to the beach a handful of times, but now that school is winding down, we'll soon be regulars. Thanks to a friend, we are lucky enough to have a closet at the beach pavilion where we can store all our stuff, which has made our beach trips so much less complicated. No need to pack all the chairs and toys and boogie boards and beach cart in the car every time. All we need to get ready is our cooler and backpacks, and we pick the rest of the stuff up when we get to the beach. So much easier in every way!

Carmine even has his own regular-sized boogie board this year, and he doesn't go out farther than ankle deep, but that's far enough for him to float around a tiny bit, and I have a feeling it won't be long before he's actually out there catching waves with his brothers. He came running up to us at the beach the other day with a cup full of water he had scooped out of the ocean, yelling "Look, I found water!!!"  And two minutes later he was back with another cup, yelling "Look, MORE water!" Ah, to be four..... 

And even though we had agreed we weren't going to buy Dante a surfboard this year, Scott found a used one that's the perfect size for him, and surprised it with him two weeks ago. He was, of course, thrilled, and told just about everyone he saw for the next two days about how he has a surfboard now. It wasn't a purchase I was planning on making, but it was a good purchase, and I'm glad Scott got it. 

And with that, we are officially completely ready for summer. The boys came home today with backpacks jammed full of papers and markers and pencils and books and stray gloves, so I know their desks are cleaned out, and all there is to do tomorrow is enjoy their ice cream party and say goodbye to their friends. 

I wait all year for the months of June, July, and August, and I'm beyond happy that they're finally here, and I can't wait to get out there and make the most of them.  

The Boys

While most of what I've written lately has been either about me and my running or about Gabe, I haven't forgotten about Dante and Carmine, and have been meaning to jot down some things about them, but it keeps getting pushed to the bottom of my endless to-do list.

Unfortunately, we're pretty sure Dante's been feeling like he's at the bottom of that list lately, too. With all of the Gabe issues we're dealing with - the palate expander, the upcoming 10th birthday, the medication - Dante has been feeling a bit left out, and as a result, has been acting up a little (sometimes a lot).

Thankfully we were wise enough to realize this after not too long - the fact that he was completely and totally flying off the handle and screaming and sobbing at the drop of a hat tipped us off - and we have been pretty deliberately giving him some extra attention. Not so much that Gabe and Carmine feel slighted, but enough to make Dante realize that he's just as awesome as ever, and that we're not ignoring him. And since we've made that effort, his freakouts have all but disappeared.

Being the middle child isn't easy, especially when you're sandwiched between an almost-ten-year-old brother who's going through a lot of big transitions all at once and an impossibly vivacious, outgoing, adorable 4-year-old who refuses to be ignored, and will often yell very loudly "I'm waiting to say something here!"

Dante is growing up in his own right, though. He's obsessed with science shows, and all manner of building/cooking/exploring shows. He and I both watched an Ernest Shackleton show that was on PBS last month, and he could binge watch episodes of "How Did They Do That?" I personally love this, as I'm a fan of all those shows, too, and I'd much rather he watch that than Pokemon.

As of right now, he wants to be an architect when he grows up - partially thanks to another show he likes to binge watch, called "Epic Homes." I think he was especially enamored of the log cabin house. Can't say I blame him - it looked pretty cool.

Going back a bit to when the yard was still covered in snow (a sight I hope I don't see again until next year!), he took to snowboarding like a natural, and spent hours going down the tiny hill in our backyard after school. He and Gabe (who also did really well with it) would throw on their gear and slide down over and over again, and one time I heard Dante say to Gabe "Dude, we're shredding some major powder now!" 

Because of the snowboards, they were particularly interested in the Winter Olympics, and we recorded and watched a lot of the events. Dante at one point mentioned how he wished we had a halfpipe in the backyard. And Gabe, while watching the figure skating, commented to me that "I bet you and Dad couldn't do that."  I didn't take him up on that bet.

February was a long month (and March is proving to be even longer, as spring seems to have forgotten to arrive), but we filled it up with as many fun activities as we could, including a visit from the Theriault cousins, complete with a snowstorm and an outing to see the Lego Movie.

School vacation week was busy, too, with a trip to CT to see Grammy and Grampy and more cousins, and two more trips to CT - one to the Pequot Museum, which we all loved; and one to Mystic Aquarium. So glad that we have so many fun places within close driving distance, and now that we caved and bought a membership to the Aquarium (and already have a membership to the Seaport), I'm sure we'll be spending even more time down that way.

Dante was beyond thrilled that the Titanic exhibit was still up at the Aquarium. He was a major Titanic buff a few years ago, and we went to see the exhibit right after it opened, but I didn't know it was still going to be there, so we all had fun going through and exploring it again.

There were too many snow days this winter, but we managed to survive them, with a mix of sledding, crafts, projects, tortilla snowflakes, and probably more screen time than recommended, but once the nice weather hits, I know the screens are going to be forgotten, so I'm ok with that.

Dante and Carmine are best buds these days, and spend so much time hanging out together. They both have incredible imaginations and love to create elaborate setups in the garage and in the yard - their favorite is to create a "boat," and then have adventures on and around their boat.

This usually involves making an enormous mess and taking out almost every toy they own, which results in me having to stand over them and make sure they put each and every item away, but it's worth it, because it really is the best kind of play, and I love to eavesdrop on them while they're talking - they get along so well, and it makes me so happy.

The three of them play together fairly well, too, but Gabe is definitely in a bit of a different place, and it shows sometimes. He spotted my Athleta catalog on the table one day, and the cover model was wearing a (very modest, athletic) bathing suit, and he turned it over, saying to Dante "We can't look at that - it's too sexy!" 

Gabe has been on his medication for two weeks, but neither we or his teacher have seen very much change in his behavior, so we'll be talking to the pediatrician to see if the dosage needs to be adjusted. The good news is that it isn't affecting him negatively in any way, either, so hopefully that will continue to be the case even if the dosage changes.

Carmine, 6 months after he moved to a big-boy bed, finally started getting up all by himself. It was pretty cute the first few mornings, the way he'd come downstairs and peek around the corner, as if he still wasn't quite sure he should be there. We've all adjusted to it now, but I think Gabe and Dante kind of miss going in his room to get him.

So far there have only been two nights that he got out of bed after we put him in for the night, and when we told him to go back to bed, he listened. Fingers crossed that that continues. 

A couple more Carmine goodies - if we have to talk to him about something he's doing wrong, or are telling him he can't do something, he puts his hand up and says "I don't want to talk right now."  And if I tell him he can't do something, he'll ask Scott - but he'll ask him while I'm still standing right there, and if I try to interrupt to tell him that Daddy is going to say no just like I did, the hand goes up again and I'm told "No, Mommy, don't talk - I'm talking to Daddy right now."  The kid has got some nerve, for sure.

In addition to his habit of yelling out "I'm waiting to say something over here," he has another way of trying to get a word in - he'll tell us (with the hand up - always) that "I'm having an answer."  

And his last few mispronunciations - which I love, and which I'm going to be sad to see go - are bullZoDer and lawnmoMer and Nuseum. He always gets those ones mixed up, but he can pronounce the word excavator clear as day.

Every day is challenging, and every day is exhausting, but every day they make it worth it.

Growing Pains

I’ve taken most of the boys’ big milestones mostly in stride. I get melancholy, and a little sad, when they move past one phase of life and onward to the next. I get a little wistful when I pack away a pair of pants they’ve outgrown or a board book that nobody will be reading again.

But for the most part, I get a tremendous amount of joy seeing them grow up, seeing them start to figure out how who they are, and how they’re going to make their mark on the world. It’s exciting to see their personalities develop and grow, and it’s even more exciting to share new things with them at every stage.

And I didn’t really think Gabe’s upcoming birthday would be any different. Sure, he’s at the biggie – double digits! – but even though I knew it was a big deal, I didn’t anticipate that it would hit me in quite the way it is proving to.

It doesn’t help, of course, that on top of the fact that he’s turning TEN in just a few weeks, he also recently embarked on his orthodontic treatment (beginning with the barbaric appliance known as a palate expander), and also started taking his ADHD medication – oh, and as if that weren’t enough, this is also the time at which we needed to officially submit notice that he won’t be attending his beloved elementary school for 5^th grade, and will instead be moving on to the local middle school.

That’s an awful lot for anyone to take in all at once, right? He happens to be handling it all with the greatest of ease – me, not so much.

He hasn’t been all rainbows and sunshines – don’t get me wrong. There have been some complaints about the palate expander (for which I cannot blame him one bit – I mean, look at the thing – I’d complain if I had to wear that!), and some concerns voiced about middle school, and some sadness over leaving his current school.

But generally, he’s rolling with the punches and maintaining a surprisingly positive, even-keeled attitude about everything. The resilience of youth, I guess?

I, on the other hand, am an emotional mess. I had tears in my eyes as I filled out the withdrawal form for his current school, and after I did the required turns on his palate expander last night, I had to look away so he couldn’t see my eyes tearing up. I feel like I’m the one going through all this upheaval, instead of it all being on his shoulders.

I think if it was just one, or even two, of these things, I’d be ok. But this confluence of transitions and new experiences is throwing me for a loop – partly because it’s hard to see your child having to go through things that you know are uncomfortable, or stressful, or in any way make their life unpleasant for any period of time.

But mostly because it’s all like a big neon sign in my face, reminding me of how damn fast he’s growing up, and how many more of these types of challenges are headed his way, and how each year that goes by, the challenges are just going to get more challenging.

I can remember when Gabe was in kindergarten, and we talked about how we’d have to make this middle school decision ‘someday,’ and someday seemed so impossibly far away.

Time marches on. We’re on the verge of double digits, and things will continue to get more and more complicated.

But these little boys will continue to grow and thrive and learn and challenge us and surprise us. And even though that process is a little tough to take sometimes, in the end, that’s what it’s all about, and it’s pretty amazing to be a part of. 

One of The Hardest Decisions Of My Life

Gabe's 10th birthday is coming up next month, and since he's on the verge of double digits and all the incredibly complex and personal issues that are going to ensue as a result of that, he's not a topic of discussion here all that often anymore.

But I have written in the past about our struggles with his ADHD, and various ways we've tried to help him and help ourselves as we navigate the challenges that it throws our way on a daily basis.

And every time I write about it, I mention that we've thought about medication and considered medication, and weren't ruling it out entirely, but that we were still not comfortable going that route.

Until  now.

And I know that there are probably people out there who will read this and will shake their heads in disappointment, and who will think we're making a huge mistake. And I might have done the same thing if I was in their shoes 3, or 4, or 5 months ago.

But I can't be concerned with what other people think. I need to focus on what's right for my child, and my family, and at this point, I feel like this is what's right.

I've talked to our counselor, I've talked to his pediatrician, I've talked to other parents whose kids take medication, and I've read endless articles about it.

I can't say that we've exhausted every single non-pharmaceutical option avaialble to us, but we've certainly tried other methods, and some have worked to varying degrees, but we still struggle. And more importantly - Gabe still struggles.

And as he gets ready to make an enormous transition - to middle school - next year, I am scared for him. I'm scared about how he's going to adapt to a much, much larger school, with a lot of kids who he doesn't know, and with more (and more difficult) work to do, as well.

He's my baby, and he'll always be my baby, and I worry about him. I want him to do well, and I want him to make friends, and I want him to enjoy school and not feel frustrated and anxious and worried and alienated.

Making this decision is, as I pointed out in the title, one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I actually think I decided a few weeks ago, but couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I feel like it's an admission of failure on my part as a parent - like I can't help my kid, so I need to medicate him.

But I'm trying not to think of it that way, and instead think of it as what it really is - us trying to help him be the best Gabe he can be.

We don't know how this will work, or if it will work, or if he won't like the way he feels on the medication - and we're obviously considering it a trial. But if there are no bad side effects, and he feels good taking it, and he feels like it's helping him - then we'll likely stick with it for the foreseeable future.

I try not to judge anyone for their decisions, and I ask people to not judge me for mine. If you have never raised a child with ADHD, and never seen them struggle with work that they are clearly intelligent enough to complete, but just can't focus well enough to do so; if you've never seen your child yell in frustration that "I just can't get my brain to stop!" - then you can't say what you would do in my shoes.

These aren't shoes I ever wanted to wear, and I'm still not entirely sure how this is all going to play out, but we're doing the best we can, and what we feel is right for our family, and when it comes down to it, that has to be enough.

Fall Recap - Better Late than Never

My boys are growing up faster than ever. Carmine got his first report card this week - a preschool report card, but still!  And most of the time I feel like Gabe is already a teenager, he's gotten so good at arguing with us, and being fresh, and rolling his eyes. And when he's not acting totally immature, he really likes to take charge and be the 'big kid,' and is very proud that he can now pour his own cereal and milk - and I've even been giving him lessons on how to use the washing machine. He's gotta start earning his keep around here!

Dante still mostly acts like the 8-year-old he almost is, but he definitely has his moments, too, and I'd never be able to keep track of the number of times he says "DUDE!" every day.

We enjoyed a magnificent fall, with a few cold days, but many more warmer than usual days, and we took full advantage, getting everyone outside as much as possible. There was plenty of plain old playing out in the yard, but we got out and about for a family hike, and a few trips to the playground, and Carmine and I still hit the beach at least a few times a week.

Sometimes he brings his scooter, and other times we just walk - on the sidewalk or on the sand. He even discovered that he can ride his scooter on the sand when it's low tide. And when we walk along the sidewalk, he stops to talk to every random stranger we pass. We will never have to worry about his ability to make friends.

I am determined to keep them playing outside after school as long as it's not completely frigid, and there have been some afternoons when I've had to really bundle up to stay out there with them, but it's so good to see them getting all that activity after being in school all day.

When the temps were warmer, there were even a few days that they were out there playing in the rain - because when it's 60 degrees in November, you play outside, even if it means getting a little wet.

Thanks to a great Groupon deal, we also took our first trip to the indoor rock climbing gym in town, and had an awesome time!  There wasn't a lot that Carmine could do, but he still managed to have fun, and Gabe and Dante definitely enjoyed it - it's something I'm sure we'll do again at some point, because I loved it, too!

One other highlight of the fall was the Sox winning the World Series. Gabe and Dante are finally starting to get interested in baseball, so they'd wake up every morning asking if the Sox had won the previous night's game, and they're starting to learn some of the player's names. I love that they're getting into it now, and when it seemed pretty certain that the win was going to happen, we woke them up so they could see the last three outs of the game. It was a nice moment to share with them.

I was so tempted to go up to Boston for the parade, but the reality of doing something like that with three small children was just too overwhelming. We watched some of it on TV, though, and it made me so happy to see all the celebrating and happiness on Boylston Street.

More recently, we headed down to Hartford for Lego Kids Fest, and it was every bit as amazing as we all anticipated it would be. We were there for just over 4 hours, and every second of those 4 hours was filled with Legomania. The boys were in heaven!

Aside from all the activities, they're just up to their usual shenanigans. When I went away for a weekend with my friends last month, Dante was smart enough to know that he should take that opportunity to wear a shirt that I've told him he's not allowed to wear out of the house because it's so stained. (I haven't thrown it out because it's one of his favorites, but made it clear that it was an at-home shirt only).

He knew that Dad either wouldn't notice or wouldn't care that it was stained, and he'd get away with wearing it - and he was right. Dad did take a few pictures of them that weekend, though, so Dante was busted!

The holiday season has all three of them pretty excited, but Dante most of all. He is literally bouncing off the walls, and on the furniture, and everywhere he goes. He bounces, he runs, he jumps, he dances, and he's a walking sound-effects machine. It's INSANE!  I knew we were in trouble when he walked into our room, fully dressed, at 4:45am on Thanksgiving.

Carmine is fully immersed in all things Christmas and Santa, too. He's even been perusing the toy catalogs with Gabe and Dante, and pointing out to me all the things he wants. 

He's also perfecting the art of arguing with me about everything - a skill he's picked up from his big brothers. And one night at dinner, he asked me for more of something and I told him there wasn't any more, and he insisted that there was. And when I continued to tell him that there wasn't, he looked at me and said "Stop arguing with me."  

Another time he walked into the garage, looked at all the toys scattered around, pointed at it and said "This is a disaster!"  I guess he is listening to everything I say. And listening carefully to his brothers, too, judging by the new phrase he's picked up recently - "It wasn't my fault."

Last year he went through a phase where he wore his Batman cape everywhere for a few weeks. This year it was his fleece bathrobe. He was seen out and about with his robe on, and I just went with it, because some battles aren't worth fighting.

Being in school is helping him refine some of his funny little toddler-isms, but I'm glad that it hasn't 'fixed' all of them. I love when he misspeaks in his adorable little voice. Some of his Carmine-speak:  bullzoder instead of bulldozer; soared when he means to say sore; tehgar instead of guitar; playdid instead of played;  juice apple instead of apple juice; singing Jingle Bells as "Jingle bells, jingle all the way, there was a horse and a sleigh."

And when he said something particularly adorable the other day, I laughed and said "Carmine, do you have any idea how cute you are?"  In reply, he held his hand up to his forehead (as if measuring his height), and said "This cute!" 

He's going through a bit of a mommy phase at the moment, and has even gone so far as to tell Scott "I don't like you."  I know that Scott knows not to take it personally, but it's stil gotta hurt a little. This too shall pass, though, and I think the best thing for us to do is not make too big a deal out of it.

The house is decked out for Christmas, and we're getting the tree this weekend, and doing the same Advent calendar we did last year, where we have a special activity for each day.

A lot of the ones from last year are there again - making gingerbread houses, decorating sugar cookies, donating toys to the toy drive, decorating the mini-trees in their rooms - but I tried to add a few new ones, too. One that I'm most looking forward to is next week, when I'm going to take them for a drive in their PJs after dinner to check out Christmas lights.

It's a crazy time of year, and Dante's expression in this photo is pretty illustrative of what our house feels like most days (me included).

But the crazy is part of the fun, and when they're not being completely insane, they're pretty darn adorable - so the crazy is worth it.

A Week of Appointments

Three appointments this week - one with our family therapist, one with my orthopedist, and one with my physical therapist.

Here's the lowdown:

Family therapy - I finally feel like we've found someone we're going to want to continue to work with, and someone who's going to truly help us. This was only our second appointment, but there was an a-ha moment - a revelation by Scott and I combined with a great suggestion from the therapist - and that moment solidified for me that we're on a good path here.

The a-ha moment was us realizing that one of the things we have yet to figure out is whether or not we're expecting too much from Gabe. So much of our frustration with him stems from the fact that he doesn't do things that we feel like an almost-10-year-old kid should be able to do (simple stuff, like getting ready for school without us supervising him). But it occurred to me as we sat there and talked that maybe he truly isn't capable of that.

One thing he is very capable of is being an enthusiastic fan. This is him cheering his heart out during a URI football game last weekend. He and Carmine both screamed and clapped the whole time (Carmine's cheer of choice was "DO IT!!!!" which all of the people seated near us got a big kick out of).

And if that's the case, then our tactics have to change completely. Rewards and consequences are irrelevant if he simply isn't able to do what we expect him to be able to do. And there is the very real possibility that we need to accept that we just cannot send him upstairs to get ready on his own without having to go up shortly after to redirect him from whatever is the distraction of the moment and keep him on task.

It's exhausting and frustrating to have to do that, but I really do feel like maybe if we have the mindset that that's just the way it is, and no amount of rewarding him or punishing him is going to change it, then maybe it won't feel quite so draining.

Our attitude and our outlook and our approach to all of this is key to keeping things as harmonious as possible, and it feels good to be focusing on that, rather than on trying to fix things that aren't really fixable.

Orthopedist - No Xrays were done, but I don't think there would have been any point in that anyway, since stress fractures rarely show up on xray. The diagnosis is - one heck of a case of medial tibial stress syndrome - or, as I referred to it on Facebook, wicked bad shin splints.  Pretty much what I figured, and I had already booked my appointment for PT, fully anticipating that that would be the recommendation.

Carmine accompanied me to the appointment, and he was quite a hit, chatting it up with all the doctors and nurses. I have never in my life seen a kid less shy than he is. My doctor's appointments are going to be very boring (and quiet) when he starts going to school all day.

Physical Therapy - I absolutely adore my physical therapist. She has worked magic on all of my injuries, and I trust her implicitly. That being said, it had been a long time since I had been there, and I was kind of bummed to have to be walking through that door again.

We did the initial evaluation of the injury, which Carmine assisted with (best helper ever), and got right to work with the laser treatments and massage. The area is still very sore to the touch, and I know if I tried to run, it would hurt.

So even though I asked her opinion about whether or not I should take another week off, I knew what the answer would be. I want to get over this as quickly as possible, and the best way to do that is by not aggravating it further, so it'll be another weekend without a long run.

Carmine provided plenty of entertainment during the appointment, though, and as he 'helped' with the massage, he proclaimed "and now you can run again!"  Smart kid - already knows what his mom wants to hear.

Despite not being able to run, I'm wiped out and sore. I am not the kind of person who wallows and gets lazy when I'm injured - I use the time to throw myself into other types of workouts, and this week that's meant lots of gym cardio and tons of weight lifting. I'm so glad, and so thankful, that I don't mind spending time at the gym. I know for lots of people, it's akin to torture, but I have no problem with it, and it's been such a blessing to have that outlet.

I'll be back in PT twice next week, and then will try out a short test run to see if things have improved enough for me to gradually start running again. Hopefully they will have. I have ten weeks 'til Boston training is scheduled to start, so I have some wiggle room, but I don't want to use up too much of it!

It Takes A Village (and Sometimes A Therapist, Too)

Summer is over, we're settling into our school routine, and I'm buckling down in all aspects of life. I enjoy the lack of routine in the summer, and being a little more carefree about things (things like, um, not cleaning the house for 3 weeks because we're too busy beaching and day-tripping).

But there's definitely a part of me that welcomes a return to regular schedules and knowing exactly what each day is going to bring. And as we get back to that schedule, and we deal with this transitional time, it's become abundantly clear to me that all summer, we were just muddling through with Gabe, and now that we need to expect a little more of him (homework, getting up and getting ready for school, doing more regular chores), things aren't going particularly well.

I'm in no way blaming him. He has ADHD, and he struggles. He struggles greatly sometimes. And he's aware of the fact that he's struggling, and there are a lot of times where he'll even comment on how his brain is making him crazy, or how he hates that he can't remember what he's supposed to be doing or how he's supposed to be acting.

I'm not excusing bad behavior in any way, and there are things he does that are just him being a pain in the butt, like any kid is from time to time. 

More often than not, though, it's truly not his fault. His brain works differently, and there's no getting around that.

But no matter how much you remind yourself that it's not him intentionally trying to cause trouble, when things are getting hairy and chaotic and three very loud, increasingly excited boys are all losing it at the same time, it's all too easy to react without thinking rationally - which never ends well, since my overreactions lead to their overreactions, leading to the entire situation spiraling into ugliness.

I'm just not happy at all with the relationship Gabe and I have right now. I feel like all the time I spend with him is spent nagging or correcting behavior or yelling. It's frustrating, it's exhausting, and there are days I'm just so emotionally spent, I have nothing left for anyone else in the family - which isn't fair to Gabe, or to Carmine or Dante or Scott.

And often, I end up just feeling sad. Sad that I spend so much time disciplining him and correcting him, rather than enjoying his company.

So we had an appointment earlier this week with a therapist to hopefully get some help in how we deal with him and his behavior. We saw someone last spring for a couple months, but I didn't feel like she did very much to help, and we just stopped going, instead of finding someone new to see. When things are going well, it's easy to think that we don't need anyone's help, and we'll be fine on our own. But right now, things aren't going well, so it's time to call in reinforcements.

Hopefully we can get back on a good path, because I know as the teenage years approach, things are only going to get more complicated, and I want to head into that stage of his life with us on as even a keel as possible.

And I want to remove as much of the negativity as I can, because he is an awesome little kid, and he has so many great qualities - it's just that when you're 'in the trenches' and dealing with the everyday nuisances and chaos and just trying to survive the day, it's very easy to get bogged down in the details and lose sight of the bigger picture.

But I'm confident that with some assistance, we'll get that appreciation back, and we'll restore a little bit of harmony to this house.

Note that I said 'a little bit.'  I'm optimistic, but I'm not stupid - a house with three little boys is never going to be totally harmonious - but I'll take any progress we can get!

School, Coaching, and Assorted Aches and Pains

All three boys are off to a good start in the new school year. Gabe and Dante are in their third week, and are starting to settle in. We're still dealing with 'out-the-door-in-the-morning' and 'just-walked-in-the-door-in-the-afternoon' chaos and craziness, but that won't ever go away completely. As long as we can reduce it a little, I'll be happy.

They're both happy with their teachers, and although Gabe was a little bummed that some of his best friends are not in his class this year, he seems to be doing ok and adjusting well. And aside from being completely exhausted every night, Dante is doing great.

Carmine started last week, and he did great, as I expected he would. His first full day of school was a Wednesday, and he only goes to school Monday through Wednesday, so Thursday through Sunday, every time we drove past his school, he'd yell "I want to go to school today!"

The only problem is that he thinks that now that he's going to school, he should be going on the bus, like his brothers. Except when he says that, he says he wants to go on the bus like "your brothers" - because I commented one day to him about how 'your brothers made a huge mess in their room,' and he doesn't really understand what 'your' means, so he's been referring to them as "your brothers."  It took me a few minutes to figure out what on earth he was talking about, but once I did figure it out, I couldn't stop laughing). 

His reports about what he did at school mostly involve the sandbox and cars, so I think he's having fun : )  He still has his share of funny mispronunciations - he was playing a racing game with his cars the other day, and I heard him saying "On your MARCH, get set, go!" He also still calls thunder "Unther."

But mostly he's a very articulate chatterbox, and continues to just walk up and say hi and chat with just about anyone. We went to the store after his first day of school and he told everyone he saw that "I went to school today!"

I took all three boys to a Paw Sox playoff game Sunday by myself, and it couldn't have gone better! Gabe and Dante paid attention and cheered and jumped up and down the whole game, and Carmine did really, really well - made it the entire 9 innings! 

And for some reason the stadium was deserted, so even though we only had general admission tickets, we were able to move down to box seats, and ended up just a few rows back from the field, right near home plate. And, they won and advanced to the next round of the playoffs, and we got to see the team celebrating on the field with champagne - a great afternoon all around!

We're definitely going to be taking a trip up to Fenway next summer - I'm already excited for it - it's been WAY too long since I've been to a Sox game, and it's going to be so fun to share it with the boys!

The amazing toothless Dante!

Labor Day weekend - our farewell to summer - was less than stellar, weather-wise. We had a fun family party in CT on Saturday, and we did make it to the beach Sunday, despite the cloudy, gray weather, but Monday it poured most of the day, so we ended up catching a movie. Not how I wanted to close out the summer, but it was fun for all 5 of us to go together.

My heart aches a little every time I look at this picture. I LOVE our beach days, and am so sad when they come to an end.

One good thing about the season coming to an end, though, is that now when the weather is nice, we can just stroll onto the beach whenever we feel like it, and although it can still get a little crowded if it's a warm day, it doesn't compare to the summer crowds.

There is a lot to be said for having the tourists gone. We probably won't go for a full, all-day beach day again until next summer, but even spending an hour there is lovely, and we're lucky to have that option.

Running is going mostly well. I'm still in the 'training but not really training' mode, and with mostly cooler, drier mornings, I've had some great workouts. Still mainly focused on the October half, but also hoping I can have a good race at the 5K I'm doing in two weeks.

I've really become less and less of a fan of the 5K, but I do want to get better at the distance, so I threw a few shorter repeats into this week's track workout, and will do the same next week. After running so many 1200s and mile repeats the past few weeks, doing just 800s and 400s seemed so strange. The 400s flew by!

The rest of this week is going to be cross-training, though, since my old shin injury is flaring up a bit. It's been pretty quiet for nearly two years now, and I think it was aggravated by a combination of two 40-mile weeks in a row, plus the fact that my shoes are nearly ready to be replaced. I've been massaging it like crazy, stretching, and icing, and I'm hoping that that TLC plus a bit of rest is all I need. If it doesn't feel better after a week, I'll put a call in to PT. 

I'm not freaking out, and I don't think it's a huge deal, but it does have me a little bummed out. But I have nobody to blame but myself. Clearly 40-mile weeks are not doable for me - at least not 2 in a row. Lesson definitely learned!

My running coach certification is officially official. I got my CPR and First Aid certification, and received my coaching certificate in the mail yesterday.

Now I just need to get myself organized so that I can start getting clients and doing some coaching! I had hoped to get started with that process over the summer, but there was just no time. So now I'm getting going on setting up an LLC, getting insurance, and making some business cards. Lots to do, and it feels overwhelming at times, but I'll get it done.

I'm still getting used to the idea of thinking of myself as a coach, too. Long before I even thought about pursuing this, I often had people ask me advice about running, and I was always happy to give it, but followed it with a disclaimer that I wasn't an expert and was just giving them my two cents.

And when people ask me questions now, I still kind of feel that I should add that disclaimer. I need to get comfortable and confident with the fact that I am trained in this topic now, and I am qualified to help. I think once I've actually created a few training plans and truly coached a few people, it'll be easier to feel that way.

In addition to the cranky shin I mentioned above, I've also been dealing with bunion issues. I have them on both feet, and the one on my left foot was acting up at the very end of my Boston training (causing a really nice freakout just a couple weeks out from race day).

It quieted down, and hasn't bothered me since, but a few weeks ago, the right foot started hurting. Because the bunions cause misalignment of your big toe, it puts a lot of stress on the joint right below that toe, and mine are being subjected to a lot of wear and tear.

Because my feet weren't hideous enough with all the callouses and missing toenails.....

 

I saw my podiatrist, and he assured me that my shoes and orthotics are fine, and are not contributing to the problem in any way. That's good news. Unfortunately, though, the bunions and associated joint issues are not going to go away by themselves, and at some point in my life, I'm going to need surgery to fix them.

It remains to be seen when that point in time is going to arrive, but as he put it "the pain will be my  indicator." Right now, the pain is intermittent and not debilitating, and there's no reason for me to rush into surgery as long as that continues. My course of action is to just back off a bit on my mileage and ice the affected toe.

Once that stops working, though, and the pain doesn't subside with those measures, it's going to be time to get it fixed. The problem is, getting it fixed is going to mean 3 weeks in a cast/on crutches, followed by several more weeks in a boot, and a recovery period of 4 - 6 months of NO RUNNING. And I need both feet done, which is going to mean going through this process twice.

As of right now, it doesn't seem imminent, and being able to just put it off is a good thing. But knowing that it's looming out there kind of sucks. And beyond not being able to run for so long, let's not even mention the logistics of trying to tend to three children while on crutches!

I'm going to attempt to just forget about it for the time being, though. I'll cross that bridge (slowly, on crutches) when I come to it.  And I will be thankful that, although it's going to be a major inconvenience when I do finally have to deal with this, in the grand scheme of things, it's not really all that bad. Gotta keep it all in perspective and be grateful for how fortunate I am.

My feet may be ugly, and they may have issues, but they've carried me through many, many miles already, and I fully expect them to carry me through many, many more.